Cheryl Cole has finally ‘arrived’ in America and we’re genuinely happy. Not for her you understand, we couldn’t give two hoots what she does, we’re just happy that we’re not within punching distance anymore.
However, despite living off baby food in some odd attempt to get thinner and mistakenly asking her hairdresser for a big backcombed ‘do that would put even Vincent from 80′s show ‘Beauty and the Beast’ to shame, it seems that America hasn’t quite welcomed her into their over-sized bosom yet.
Yes, it’s been reported in some newspapers that Cheryl was booed on the second day of her new job for telling US X Factor contestants what she really thinks (pet) and not because the entire auditorium couldn’t see over her giant hair.
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That’s probably a gross title about a 17-year-old’s masturbatory efforts – but like this whole yelling mean things at people on the Internet for a living thing, we’re running with it.
Justin Bieber has reportedly been telling people that he had some kind of affectionate, pandering, possibly homoerotic meeting with Robert Pattinson that only took place at a delay once Robert was done applying the delightful body shimmer sample handed to him by the lady at the make-up counter.
In what would have been the most random meeting ever, even with a fanbase the same age, Justin recalled meeting the Twilight actor and there was something in there about hair envy and wanting to be like the actor when he grew up.
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Squeaky clean pop annoyance Justin Bieber recently had a haircut, which was front-page news almost everywhere, even here on hecklerspray. The news of his haircut sent shockwaves around the world, with sexually confused 12 year olds and slightly creepy 40 somethings everywhere begging to know why he’d chopped his famous $500 fringe off.
Naturally it’s all rather ridiculous, it’s only some hair after all, it’ll grow back, you do know that, right?
What’s even more ridiculous to the furore over Bieber’s bonce is the fact that you can now buy the hair he had lopped off. That’s right, you can buy Bieber’s former barnet covering, if you have $7,000 to spare that is. Read More >>>
Walking piggy bank, Paris Hilton, is having a rough time of it at the moment. Yes, she’s insanely rich, but everyone’s seen her getting off with Lindsay Lohan and she’s in trouble for remembering the difference between cocaine and chewing gum.
Of course, we’re only showing vague interest in her because she was thrust into the spotlight for being thick and deluded on a reality show… and… well, by now, every human on Earth has seen her having sex via a nightvision lens, leaving us all acutely aware of what the Incredible Hulk looks like with a boner.
Now, she’s got more bad news as her boyfriend is in trouble with the police after an alleged hit and run involving a female photographer. Read More >>>
It must be wonderful being Paris Hilton. Think about it. You can wander through life with all the wide-eyed innocence of a toddler in a field full of butterflies, yet still have all the sordid fun that adults have.
Money is no object in Hiltonville, so you can toot as much coke as you like, shag people on camera and be of no fixed talent… yet still uphold a reasonably successful TV and music career. Why, that’s the American Dream in action right there.
It doesn’t matter who you are – YOU CAN MAKE IT AS A FAMOUS SOMETHING OR OTHER!
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Celebrities live in a parallel universe to us. They get sent to prison and then let out again almost immediately. They use racial slurs down the phone, yet people still buy Mad Max box-sets. And now, in a particularly weird turn, their hair gets sued.
Apparently, some idiot is suing Paris Hilton’s hair extensions. Of course, the hair extensions in question have yet to make a statement, but it won’t be long until a source says something on their behalf.
Someone will be suing the autotune on her album if this keeps up. Read More >>>
What’s the best thing about Robert Pattinson? His intense lack of charisma? The way his speaking voice is the perfect auditory representation of carbon monoxide suffocation?
No! It’s his hair. As all shrieking teenage girls know, Robert Pattinson has the world’s dreamiest hair – it’s all tousled and unkempt and probably home to millions of undiscovered species of rodent. So if Robert Pattinson ever had a haircut, we’d probably kill ourselves.
Which is a bummer, because Robert Pattinson has had a haircut. Actually, forget killing ourselves; it’s time for plan B – find the hair. WE MUST EAT ROBERT PATTINSON’S DREAMY HAIR!
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The Large Hadron Collider is switched on today, starting an experiment that could either unlock the universe or utterly destroy it – but forget that.
We can talk about the destruction of the universe any time we want. But today? Today something big has happened. Something huge. Something that will make a small-scale replication of The Big Bang look like a floury trump. People – Victoria Beckham has cut her hair.
We know, we know. Sit down. Breathe into a paper bag if it helps. Victoria Beckham has had a haircut and there’s nothing any of us can do about it. But it’s not just that Victoria Beckham cut her hair – it’s the fact that Victoria Beckham has cut her hair quite short. Remember this day well – one day your grandchildren will ask you what you were doing when you realised Victoria Beckham had cut her hair quite short.
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