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THE BIG DOG IS IN THE HOUSE! 6 words that, when you hear them on the radio, let you know that it’s time to change the station, because the whitest man in history, Tim Westwood, is about to start broadcasting.
It’s fairly safe to say we all hate Westwood, after all what is there to love about a man who looks like a geography teacher painfully trying to hard to appear ‘street’ to keep his pupils interested?
But none of us seem to hate Westwood quite as much as Mark Bulcock.
It appears as if 23-year-old, London born singer Adele has the Midas touch at the moment. Her album has been at number one for so long that it saw off both the end of the world and Cheryl Cole’s US X-Factor career. She’s performed at the Brits to universal acclaim and she’s captured the hearts and minds of both sides of the Atlantic.
But turning everything you touch to gold isn’t so great when the Tax man comes knocking it seems.
As anyone generally considered villainous or reprehensible will tell you, anytime they are in a bank vault with a money-stuffed laundry bag slung over their shoulder, the last thing they want to see is ‘the Orange Glow.’
‘The Orange Glow’ is a criminal industry term for a streaked blur that swoops in and vanquishes all evil everywhere at least once daily. Some say his true identity is a mystery – unknown even to his plus-size wife.
Other’s say it’s actually Dog the Bounty Hunter after another rejuvenating self-tan session.
Speaking of which – someone recently tried to murder him.
Robert Downey Jr was known for some things, then everyone forgot who he was, then they remembered again.
And now that the people of the world once again recognise Robert Downey Jr in the street – and now that he’s likely off the smack and charlie – people are more likely to listen to him. So it comes as a nice big pile of fun when the man gets all ranty, decides he disagrees with just about everyone in the world and that he hates The Dark Knight, because it makes him feel ‘dumb’.
For once we don’t have to add much to that – it’s simply what he said in an interview with Movie Hole.
Sometimes muscular dystrophy is stopped by well intentioned telethons raising money for its cure, and sometimes to stop it – you have to shoot it all to hell.
Jerry Lewis has tried the former thousands of times. He’s raised hundreds of millions of dollars to fight the disfiguring beast – but it keeps coming back. He raises more money… then it comes back again. It’s as if his efforts are all for nought.
Well Lewis has had it – he’s apparently found out where muscular dystrophy lives, and was flying there to confront it with a bullet-hungry gun. Airport authorities probably don’t care about the welfare of muscular dystrophy, and may even root for Lewis when the final battle goes down, but when they found him with a firearm on the far side of the metal detector, they had to detain him anyway.
Plane security is so confusing – medicine is OK, but not hair gel or toothpaste or, as it turns out, loaded unregistered semiautomatic handguns.
We only know this, though, because former Law & Order actor Dennis Farina tried to board a plane with a loaded unregistered semiautomatic handgun in his briefcase and was promptly arrested for it.
Although some are accusing Dennis Farina of gross stupidity almost to the point of mental illness for trying to take a loaded gun onto a plane, we actually couldn’t disagree more – Farina’s arrest has just closed down another airport security loophole. In fact, we wouldn’t be surprised if he’s just unwitting foiled Al Qaeda’s latest sneaky plan to hijack a bunch of planes by hiding loaded guns in terrorists’ briefcases. He deserves your credit.
If you want to play a game of basketball without worrying that a tattoo-faced rapper will threaten to kill you with a gun, now's the time to do it.
Because The Game, hip-hop's leading proponent of punching men to the ground during friendly basketball matches and then threatening to kill them with a gun, has started his 60-day jail sentence in LA.
However, it looks like The Game will get an easier ride than most other prisoners, because his jail sentence will be marked by the cushy segregation that all other celebrity inmates receive. Which is ironic, because we wouldn't be able to recognise The Game if he held a gun to our head.
OK, maybe if he held an actual gun to our head…
It's a common situation – you're playing a backyard game of sport and all of a sudden you're overwhelmed with the urge to punch and pull a gun on your competitor while threatening to kill him.
Can't we all say that's happened to us at one point or another? We know we can – and those toddlers won't be asking for their marbles back in a hurry – and now so can The Game.
Rapper The Game has been sentenced to 60 days in jail for waving a gun around during a basketball match in a schoolyard. Good thing too – if The Game got away with it, this gun-based kill-threatening could have snuck into professional sports, and God knows Alan Smith is dangerous enough as it is without a six-shooter strapped to his thigh.
