Axl Rose has once again proved to the world that he’s a massive douchebag. We’re talking an orchestral rock, 8 minutes 57 seconds, inapproriate wedding dresses, helicopter shots of churches, epic douchebag.
But you knew that didn’t you? Look at him, he’s a 12 year old girl that’s been doing hard drugs for 30 years. What’s he done lately? Not much, pissed off his few remaining fans by playing diva at gigs and making them wait 15 bloody years for a lacklustre album that nobody bought.
It seems poor Rose can’t take the fact that we all still love Slash. He’s still a rock god, still making fairly good rock, still not wearing stupid blonde hair extensions and he’s still making money. Which Rose clearly isn’t. Read More >>>
I wonder if a fighter pilot would feel the same way about me playing Star Fox as I feel about you playing Guitar Hero. Yes, I do mean YOU.
You kids with your iBoxes and your X-Phones, lurching about with your Wii steering wheels, Wii fridges, and Wii windows that display a cartoon image of the Wii street you Wii live on… I’ve seen you standing there with your fake plastic guitar, measuring the accuracy of your pretend rock music. And, though it pains me to say it, I’m beginning to hate you.
I don’t want to hate you, but that’s the way we’re headed, so I think it’s important for you to know that what you’re doing is wrong.
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Remember the old music teacher at school calling you a fat useless shit who’d amount to nothing? As you tried to get those chubby fingers of yours around the holes in the recorder, the evil teacher cackled as you ran out of breath and collapsed on the floor through failing to utter a single note.
Times have changed. Granted, you may be obese through to an addiction of Ginsters pasties, but that doesn’t matter. Back in the old days you may have had no musical ability, but all that has changed due to the creation of Guitar Hero. You can almost be as good as Slash as you press a few coloured buttons in time to the ones on the screen. Now sodden Coldplay have only donated a couple of songs. Preaching about the environment is optional.
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By christ, Guitar Hero has taken over our lives in a bad way – to the extent that our left hand is now nothing more than a withered arthritic stump.
But something worries us – the next Guitar Hero expansion pack is going to be about Aerosmith alone. And, obviously, the trouble with that is that Aerosmith are a giant sack of donkey bums. By copping out this badly, Neversoft had better pull its finger out and make sure that Guitar Hero 4 is full of songs that don't make us want to lose the will to live. Songs like these.
You might not agree with some of these choices – and you definitely won't agree with all of them – so feel free to leave any other suggestions you have in the comment box. Meanwhile, here's our massively subjective list of songs that deserve to be included in Guitar Hero 4…
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