Posts tagged as:

Guilty

Amy Winehouse’s Husband: I’m As Guilty As I Look – Completely

by Paul Sorrenti

Amy Winehouse’s husband, or Blake Fielder-Civil as he’s also known, has changed his plea from guilty to not guilty.

Fielder Civil, 26, has admitted that on 20th June, 2006, he did indeed assault James King.

Obviously it isn’t the James King who does those movie reviews for Radio 1 that we’re referring to as, in the eyes of any judge, assaulting him would be no crime at all.

The James King we speak of is the landlord of Macbeth’s pub in London, and Fielder-Civil has also pleaded guilty to conspiring to pervert the cause of justice by offering James King money in return for him dropping the allegations as well as leaving the country.

0 comments Read more >>>

Steve-O: ‘Cocaine? Guilty? Me? Why, Yes’

by Stuart Heritage

Steve-O might be stupid enough to staple his balls to his thigh night after night for fun and profit, but it turns out he’s not that stupid.

By which we mean that Steve-O is smart enough to plead guilty to cocaine possession after he filmed himself smashing up his neighbour’s house on drugs and then blogged extensively about his battle to the same drugs.

As a result of his guilty plea, it’s been announced that Steve-O’s only punishment for his March drug bust will be the rehab stint that he’s already partially through. And now that he’s clean, Steve-O knows that next time he staples his nuts to his leg it’ll be out of genuine mental dysfunction or self-loathing rather than drug addiction. Three cheers!

0 comments Read more >>>

Foxy Brown Sorry For That Old Phone-Bludgeoning Thing

by Stuart Heritage

Jail has changed Foxy Brown, that’s for sure.

In the past, if anybody had been stupid enough to accuse Foxy Brown of any wrongdoing, they’d have to spend a week afterwards trying to pull their kneecaps out of their nostrils with a set of blood-splattered pliers.

But not any more. Now that she’s out of jail, Foxy Brown got to go to court to face charges over that time she punched her neighbour’s head in with a Blackberry. And rather than lie and gripe her way straight back to jail, Foxy Brown unusually pleaded guilty and apologised. So it finally looks as if Foxy Brown has learnt her lesson. That’s rubbish, what are we supposed to write about now?

0 comments Read more >>>

Guess What? Uma Thurman’s Stalker Is Actually A Stalker

by Stuart Heritage

Some shocking news – that bloke who kept sending Uma Thurman creepy love letters and visiting her all the time? Turns out he’s a stalker.

That was the decision reached by the jury in a New York court yesterday, anyway, where Uma Thurman’s stalker Jack Jordan was found guilty of stalking and harassing Thurman and immediately jailed pending his sentencing next month.

But who’s the real criminal here? Is it the man who systematically terrorised Uma Thurman by sending her pictures of headless brides and telling her that her children don’t actually exist, or is it society?

What? The first one? Yeah, that probably makes sense, actually.

0 comments Read more >>>

Richie Sambora: ‘Yeah, OK, I Am A Drunken Old Twonk’

by Stuart Heritage

Look at his hair, or listen to his pointless band, and you wouldn’t assume Richie Sambora to have a very astute sense of self-awareness.

But, hey, threatening a man with prison for being a terrible father tends to make people snap to attention. Which is why Richie Sambora has pleaded guilty to DUI after police arrested him for swerving about the highway like a pissed-up ninny.

And, thanks to the magic of the plea deal, Richie Sambora’s sudden bout of guilt means that he’s got away with three years probation instead of a jail sentence. It’s a win-win for all involved – lessons have been learned, the crowded prison system gets one inmate less to deal with and Richie Sambora’s daughter gets three solid years of ostentatious presents from her father as he attempts to buy back her love after he drove around with her while drunk. Heartwarming.

Look at his hair, or listen to his pointless band, and you wouldn't assume Richie Sambora to have a very astute sense of self-awareness. But, hey, threatening a man with prison for being a terrible father tends to make people snap to attention. Which is why Richie Sambora has pleaded guilty to DUI after police arrested him for swerving about the highway like a pissed-up ninny. And, thanks to the magic of the plea deal, Richie Sambora's sudden bout of guilt means that he's got away with three years probation instead of a jail sentence. It's a win-win for all involved - lessons have been learned, the crowded prison system gets one inmate less to deal with and Richie Sambora's daughter gets three solid years of ostentatious presents from her father as he attempts to buy back her love after he drove around with her while drunk. Heartwarming.
6 comments Read more >>>

Barron Hilton Admits Being Totally Hammered That One Time

by Stuart Heritage

Barron Hilton, let’s be clear, is a man. A man with a stupid haircut and the obnoxious sneer of the overprivileged, but a man nonetheless.

And part of being a man involves admitting when you do wrong. Which is handy, because another part of being a man involves getting shitfaced on booze and driving around until the police arrest you, which counts as doing wrong.

And Barron Hilton has now done both of these things – he may have been arrested for DUI, but he’s also big enough to plead guilty to it. And now that Barron Hilton has joined the man club, he’s allowed to do all kinds of other man things, like grow a moustache and beat up women. Yay!

1 comment Read more >>>

Chad Kroeger In Vague Rockstar Shenanigan

by Matthew Laidlow

When you think of famous rock and roll antics, a few famous names spring to mind, like Ozzy Osbourne literally shoving anything down his throat. Drugs, ants, doves, Sharon Osbourne – anything.

In more modern times, the rock stars of today aren’t as wild as their counterparts. The most compelling things our heroes do is throw a TV out of a hotel window. Though they later pay for any damage and, through teary eyes, plead to Travel lodge not to give them get a lifetime ban. Now, however, it seems that someone wants to go one weaker in the rock and roll stakes. Chad Kroger – the husky singer from weak Canadian act Nickelback – has been in trouble with the law. Firstly for drink driving back in June 2007 and now for not showing up to his court hearing. We bow down to this man’s antics.

When you think of famous rock and roll antics, a few famous names spring to mind, like Ozzy Osbourne literally shoving anything down his throat. Drugs, ants, doves, Sharon Osbourne - anything. In more modern times, the rock stars of today aren’t as wild as their counterparts. The most compelling things our heroes do is throw a TV out of a hotel window. Though they later pay for any damage and, through teary eyes, plead to Travel lodge not to give them get a lifetime ban. Now, however, it seems that someone wants to go one weaker in the rock and roll stakes. Chad Kroger – the husky singer from weak Canadian act Nickelback - has been in trouble with the law. Firstly for drink driving back in June 2007 and now for not showing up to his court hearing. We bow down to this man's antics.
1 comment Read more >>>

Old Gilligan’s Island Star Guilty Of Being Blasted On Pot

by Stuart Heritage

Gilligan’s Island has a fond place in the hearts of all British people, as the show that none of us have seen but we all know about because of the constant references on other imported American TV shows.

Seriously, none of us have ever seen Gilligan’s Island so we can’t even begin to tell you what it’s about. Although we can safely say that Gilligan’s Island star Dawn Wells is a massive stinking pothead.

It’s true – Dawn Wells pleaded guilty to reckless driving after police found all sorts of marijuana in her car last year. At this point we’d like to use a Gilligan’s Island catchphrase as an ironic statement of Dawn Wells’ situation, but we’ve never seen it so we’ll just make one up instead – Cat’s pyjamas!

4 comments Read more >>>

Bai Ling Pleads Guilty To That Thing She Did

by Stuart Heritage

It takes a big man to admit they’re wrong. Well, a big man or a tiny Chinese lady with a bewildering haircut.

Bai Ling has pleaded guilty to disturbing the peace following her arrest at LAX last month. You’ll remember that Bai Ling was arrested for shoplifting two copies of Star magazine and a packet of batteries from an airport shop in a state of high emotional trauma.

And that amounts to disturbing the peace? No, of course it isn’t. What happened was that Bai Ling worked out a deal with prosecutors allowing her to plead guilty to disturbing the peace to keep the other, more shameful, crime from her records. That crime is obviously being a reader of Star magazine.

2 comments Read more >>>

Next Entries →