Greg Rusedski was knocked out of Dancing On Ice during yesterday’s quarter-final – an especially good innings for someone so utterly lacking in dancing ability.

Greg Rusedski managed to pull his best routine yet out of the bag on Sunday, with a performance to Goodbye Yellow Brick Road starring a table and a broom. We say his best routine yet, but Greg somehow managed to drop his broom right at the start like some kind of clumsy janitor with a giant chin. Still, compared to the messes that all his other routine, Greg’s dance yesterday was a masterpiece, even though he basically just twirled a broom about for a bit. But enough’s enough.

Who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Zaraah Abrahams, with help from Paddy Power…

Zaraah Abrahams – Even though her day-job involves starring in one of the country’s top-rated TV shows, the public hasn’t seemed to click with Zaraah Abrahams. For three weeks running now, Zaraah has been down in the bottom two dancing for survival, even though she’s clearly more talented than, say, Greg Rusedski. Maybe the public think it’s unjust that Zaraah came to the show late and doesn’t deserve to win Dancing On Ice as much as some of the originals. Or maybe the public’s just a bit racist. Who knows? The worry didn’t stop Zaraah from acing her stick-and-hoop routine to That Don’t Impress Me Much, though. Stripped of the fear that she’d shown in previous weeks, Zaraah managed some truly frightening moments, like hooking one leg in a hula hoop and then spinning round on her partner’s neck. Most frightening, though, was Zaraah’s leopardskin whore’s outfit. “No animals were harmed during the making of this costume,” joshed the commentator. Yeah, except for the ones that had to look at it. SCORE – 24.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 33/1

Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice betting odds for Gareth Gates. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

If you heard a desperate wail at about 9pm last night, chances are it came from a middle-aged man distraught that Linda Lusardi had got knocked out of Dancing On Ice.

Having got her best score of the series last week, Linda Lusardi was buoyed up with confidence for last night’s routine to Suddenly I See – something she displayed by knackering her partner’s wrist and almost slicing his ears off in rehearsals, and then scrabbling around upside down trying to grab at his trousers like a surprisingly niche prostitute during the actual routine itself and the skate-off. Still, at least Linda Lusardi managed to get one reference to her tits in before she went home – so at least it wasn’t a completely upsetting day for the middle-aged Lusardi fans.

So now there’s no more Linda Lusardi, who’ll win Dancing on Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Greg Rusedski, with help from Paddy Power…

Greg Rusedski – There are two very distinct groups forming on Dancing On Ice; the contestants that stand a chance of winning and the contestants who really, really don’t. As you may have guessed, Greg Rusedski is so firmly in the latter that he may as well start his own group called ‘Seriously, what’s the point of even turning up any more.’ Over the last few weeks, Greg’s Dancing On Ice adventure has been characterised by a running feud with Skeletor Judge, and so this week, for this routine to Alright, he decided to fill the blighter up with as many jumps as as humanly possible. And he fell on his arse during one of them, the chinny tit. Balls-up aside, his performance wasn’t especially wonderful, either. Please let’s not put him through this any more. SCORE – 17 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 80/1

Tomorrow – Dancing On Ice betting odds for Zaraah Abrahams. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

It had to happen sooner or later – after a month of being told he’s a great big graceless clot, Steve Backley was voted off Dancing On Ice last night.

Perhaps the fact that Steve Backley wasn’t completely hopeless during his routine to My Girl last night did him in. After all, everyone loves the underdog, especially the underdog with no real sense of timing or balance – but as soon as Steve started to show an ounce of skill, the fun went out of it. Take the fun away and what are you left with? A boring routine performed by a giant dressed in a £2.99 Clare’s Accessories purse, that’s what.

So who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Greg Rusedski, with help from Paddy Power…

Greg Rusedski – Greg Rusedski is on an upwards curve, that’s for sure – he’s gone from being impossibly useless all the way to the giddy heights of horribly sucky. The big question ahead of Sunday’s Dancing On Ice was whether or not he could improve on last week’s effort. It wasn’t a particularly hard task, since last week’s routine looked like a toddler having an icebound epileptic fit. Sadly, though, on Sunday’s Dancing On Ice Greg made a mess of just about everything. His routine to Hey Jude was slow and lifeless, he was dressed up as a gay nutcracker and everything was carried out with a hopelessly gormless expression plastered all over his chinny face. Plus he got the worst score of the night, but he’s probably used to that. We’ve seen him play tennis. SCORE – 16 - Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 50/1

Tomorrow – Dancing On Ice betting odds for Linda Lusardi. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

As Philip Schofield forcefully told us on Sunday night, this is the moment when Dancing On Ice gets serious.

Yes, now that Dancing On Ice is halfway through, things are serious. Serious and intimidating. Which all sounds very fearsome, until you realise that what Schofield is actually talking about is a C-list reality show about spangly lycra and nasty hair extensions. And if lycra and bad hair is serious, then our local gym must be holding a nationwide conference about post-structuralist philosophy for grieving widows.

Who’ll win Dancing on Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Greg Rusedski and Linda Lusardi, with help from Paddy Power…

Greg Rusedski – Greg Rusedski’s another one not long for Dancing On Ice. After spending the entire series so far deciding that he’d like to basically just stand still and let his partner do all the legwork, last week one of the Dancing On Ice judges more or less said that they wanted him to sod off home unless he stopped being such a lazy shit. But did Greg learn his lesson on this week’s show? Not especially, given that he buggered up the bit at the start where he just has to skate onto the rink and wave. But anyway, Greg’s actual performance to She’s So Lovely was his best so far, although his timing was so out that there’s a chance he was listening to Raging Speedhorn on a hidden iPod somewhere. And, judging by his weird spazzy jumps, the iPod wasn’t earthed properly and kept electrocuting him. SCORE – 16.5 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 40/1

Linda Lusardi – Now that three girls in a row have been voted off Dancing On Ice, there’s a real danger of the show losing its sex appeal, leaving the male viewers desperately trying to make the most of what’s left. And if that’s a mahogany-coloured, 20 years past her best, busty, topless would-be actress like Linda Lusardi, then so bloody be it. To further this theory, Linda Lusardi danced this week’s routine in a cheerleader outfit, lending us hope that she’s going to cycle through all the main fantasy sex objects for the rest of Dancing on Ice. Next week – Linda Lusardi dresses as an underage Bangkok ladyboy! Anyway, Linda Lusardi got a hugely low score for her routine to Hey Mickey, probably because it was full of high-fives and no actual skating. Plus she got arsey with the Dancing On Ice judges, and that’s never a particularly smart thing to do. Still, though. A cheerleader. She’s still got it. SCORE – 15.5 Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 20/1

Tomorrow – the Dancing on Ice betting odds for Zaraah Abrahams. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.

We’d be lying if we said we missed Dancing On Ice – in fact, we’re convinced that the world is worse whenever Dancing On Ice is on TV – but let’s knuckle down and make the most of it, shall we?

Because for all of Dancing On Ice‘s many flaws – like the way that just introducing everyone each week takes 15 minutes and the suspicion that the studio audience would clap along to infanticide if there were enough flashing lights – let’s not forget what it is at heart. And that’s a version of Strictly Come Dancing where everyone ends up massively injured. At least there’s that.

But who’ll win Dancing On Ice? Here are the Dancing On Ice betting odds for Greg Rusedski and Tim Vincent, with help from Paddy Power…

Greg Rusedski – He’s awfully pleased with himself, is Greg Rusedski, and we can’t figure out why. Professionally he couldn’t even be as good at tennis as Tim bloody Henman, genetically he was handed the jaw of a hyena instead of a human one at birth and on Dancing On Ice he’s generally pretty dire. On last week’s Dancing On Ice, for example, he did nothing but stand still waggling a pretend gun around like one of Charlie’s Angels. And on this week’s routine to Any Dream Will Do, he looked like a giddy version of those people who do sign language during the Hollyoaks omnibus. Greg’s timing was out, Greg’s balance was out, and at one point he resorted to carrying his partner round like a log. Very odd. One of the Dancing On Ice judges even told him that she wanted to see the back of him. Since this is a competition also featuring Aggie MacKenzie, those are strong words indeed. SCORE – 13.5 - Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 40/1

Tim Vincent – Although we refuse to believe it, it seems that Tim Vincent from Blue Peter is a big deal in America now, with his own NBC gameshow and everything. But if that’s the case, why has he also taken on a rubbishy reality TV show like Dancing On Ice? His transatlantic career isn’t helping his skating much, that’s for sure, and all he seems to do is whine about his work commitments. Nothing that a shattered ankle can’t fix, mind you. Not that there’s any chance of that, because Tim is so slow and wooden and rubbish on the ice that the only thing he’s likely to break is our will to live. Sunday’s routine to You’re The One That I Want was hopeless, not least because someone had seen fit to dress him up as a gay seallion. SCORE – 16 – Current Dancing On Ice betting odds – 33/1

Tomorrow: Dancing On Ice betting odds for Linda Lusardi and Zaraah Abrahams. But if that’s too long to wait – or you feel like making more money than you know what to do with – head right over to the Paddy Power Dancing On Ice betting odds page to see the latest, and best, betting odds.