10 – Hey Mickey Rourke, do this and we’ll give the Oscar ourselves…

9 - 50 very evil women – Ugo

8 - A man has given lyrics to the music accompanying one specific level of the videogame adaptation of a forgotten cartoon on an obsolete system. Go crazy – YouTube

7 – Celebrities who grew up, got old and started to look mental. Yes, Pacino‘s there – Popcrunch

6 - Arabic packaging! – Graphicology

5 - Fact: Facebook kills – BBC

4 - Gran Torino in GIF form. As performed by an Asian gentleman – Best Week Ever

3 – Who wants to see a terrifying music video? You? Oh, alright then – Theplugg

2 - A video of a cow with a massive disgusting hole in the side of its body - I Am Bored

1 - Question: Is Jordan the most awful woman in the country? Answer: Yes – Popsugar

There are two types of Clint Eastwood-directed movie – the unpopular ones that everybody hates and the unpopular ones that win Oscars.

But now we can add a third type of Clint Eastwood-directed movie to the list – the popular ones. Because Gran Torino, Clint Eastwood’s newest movie, hasn’t just claimed the number one slot at the weekend box office, but it’s the biggest-opening movie of his career.

Perhaps Gran Tornio‘s weekend box office success will allow Clint Eastwood to direct more popular fare. We hope so, because then he could helm Marley & Me 2: Did He Do Six Craps On The Carpet Or Only Five?

Clint Eastwood, we want you to take this as a lesson. As good as the films you direct are, they’re not as good as the films you also star in. It’s why you won awards for Million Dollar Baby and not Letters From Iwo Jima. It’s why Gran Torino is top of the weekend box office and it’s why Changeling vanished without a splash.

No wonder, though – Gran Torino looks like the best Clint Eastwood movie in years, not least because Clint Eastwood appears to be playing himself in it. He’s a snarling, haggard, angry old man who beats foreigners up but then learns to love them. We’d almost call it perfect, were it not for Gran Torino‘s glaring lack of a monkey sidekick. Here’s the weekend box office top five…

1 – Gran Torino (According to Box Office Mojo, Gran Torino has enjoyed an 888% gain on last week’s weekend box office takings. Is this because a) last week it was only shown on 80 screens compared to this week’s 2,800, or b) because everyone’s racist and enjoys watching old men beat up Asians? Oh, let’s say both) $29,025,000

2 - Bride Wars (We were certain that Bride Wars would open as the weekend box office number one, you know. It just goes to show that wedding dresses aren’t as much fun as cranky old right-win men firing guns into crowds of teenagers. When will Kate Hudson learn?) $21,500,000

3 - The Unborn (OK, trailer checklist: teenage girl, creepy kid, spooky video, silent screaming, dog in a mask, funny old man climbing the stairs. Yeah, not going to see this one) $21,095,000

4 - Marley & Me (Weird that Owen Wilson didn’t really promote Marley & Me that much, isn’t it? It’s almost as if people prefer naked pictures of Jennifer Aniston to harrowing tales of self-destruction, isn’t it? Weird) $11,350,000

5 - The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button (Soon to be followed by the sequel, which is basically just three hours of Brad Pitt trying to climb inside a woman’s vagina. We don’t hold much hope for it, to be honest) $9,450,000

Read more:

Weekend Box Office – Box Office Mojo

You! Follow hecklerspray on Twitter!

Five up, five down.

Folded:

• The Sweeney on ITV4 in the day sometime (if you’re bored, ill or skiving)
• British Style Genius (good set of programmes on BBC2. Good if you like clothes, of course, bit of a waste of time if you don’t)
• Spiralling by Keane (officially we hate the song, but it would still work better as the new Bond theme than Another Way To Shat)
• Gran Torino trailer (Clint Eastwood’s upcoming film proves why he is still the rock hardest, baddest muddy funster in all the movies)
• Want to know which watch Sly Stallone wears in Cobra? (hell yes!)

Creased:

• Craig in Creep (a down on his luck Luke Goss impersonator hides in the London Underground killing people. Worst horror villain ever? We feel another Top Ten coming on)
• No downloadable GTA IV content for PS3 owners (at least not for a while. That’s quite annoying for some of us)
• The Diesel ‘Fuel For Life’ TV advert (that dirgey piano bit near the end should be played at Guantanamo Bay)
• Candy Skulls (didn’t these used to have some gooey pink fondant crap inside? Or is it just us and we’re that old?)
• Cheap spooky movies at HMV (don’t bother – just watch The X Factor on Saturday, that’s scary enough)