Articles tagged with: Grammys
You know how some people say that the Grammys only exist to cater for a smug, greying establishment? Well they're wrong. Last night, the big winner at the Grammys was... oh. Alright, maybe the Grammys do cater for a smug, greying establishment, otherwise Robert Plant and Alison Krauss wouldn't have won so many awards for their fiddle-di-dee bluegrass album Raising Sand. But they did, so congratulations to Robert Plant. We don't know how Robert will celebrate his Grammy win but, from the look of him, we'd assume that it'll involve a moustachioed circus ringmaster holding a whip and a chair.
Chris Brown has never been easy to trust - a Michael Jackson fixation and deliberately creepy moustache? Ugh. But not even nasty facial hair can compete with this. Because Chris Brown has just been booked in an alleged incident that's being treated as a possible felony battery case. And since a) Chris Brown's girlfriend is Rihanna and b) Rihanna cancelled her Grammy performance last night, that can only mean one thing. Chris Brown and Rihanna have put together an elaborate honeytrap system to lure and attack a procession of innocent young women. Or Chris Brown hit Rihanna. Or neither of these things.
We hereby take back everything negative we've ever said about the Grammys.
Yes, the Grammys are dull, overlong and self-congratulatory, but if the Grammys didn't exist, then Aretha Franklin's demented tantrum over Beyonce calling Tina Turner 'the queen' instead of her wouldn't exist either. And that's just too priceless to live without.
Especially now that Beyonce's dad has gotten in on the act, too - Matthew Knowles has called Aretha Franklin "childish and unprofessional" for her outburst. We're expecting Aretha's "That's childish, unprofessional and super-super morbidly obese to you," retort to come any second now.
If you saw the Grammys last weekend, you'll have witnessed Beyonce duetting with a panting, apple-faced pensioner wrapped in a scrap of tinfoil who Beyonce claimed was Tina Turner.
And that's got Aretha Franklin thoroughly narked. You see, Beyonce introduced Tina Turner at the Grammys by calling her "the queen." And Aretha Franklin is under the impression that she's actually the queen.
The queen of what, we don't know. Although judging by her performance at the Grammys, our first guess would be that Aretha Franklin is the queen of competition-standard sausage-gobbling.
There are two things in the world that could liven up the Grammys - one is to release a sack of hornets into the auditorium and the other is to watch Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan have a bit of a ding-dong.
Sadly nobody's ever taken us up on the hornet thing, but at least Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are keeping their end of the bargain. Apparently Paris and Lindsay had a scrap at Timbaland's pre-Grammy party over which of them liked Timbaland more, or something.
We know. Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan were at a music awards party. Perhaps they were both serving drinks.
At last night's Grammys the unthinkable happened - yeah, sure, Amy Winehouse won five awards, but that's not what we're talking about.
Amy Winehouse actually managed to sing in tune.
But, yes, Amy Winehouse won five Grammys last night - for Best Record, Best Song, Best Pop Vocal Album, Best Pop Vocal Performance and Best New Artist. And Amy's elation was clear for all the Grammy viewers to see. That's because, at current market value, she'll be able to trade the Grammys in for a big bag of crack on the streets.
Amy Winehouse has missed out on the biggest night of her life, and it's all because of that darn 'Amy Winehouse getting hammered on crack' video.
Amy was supposed to be performing at the Grammys this weekend, but her request for an American visa has been denied, possibly because she'd explode the faces off every sniffer dog in a 50-mile radius the instant she landed at LAX.
Still, ever the trouper Amy Winehouse has vowed to do her Grammys performance live by satellite - just as soon as she's worked out whether her husband's prison or the confines of her drug rehab centre will make the more attractive backdrop.
Throughout all her bad times, Amy Winehouse has been focused like a hawk on one thing and one thing only.
And that's performing at the Grammy this weekend. Amy Winehouse is up for six trophies and she also knows that performing will bring her an insane amount of exposure, leaving more people than ever before whispering plaudits like "Is she OK?" and "My God, what's happened to her teeth?"
But Amy Winehouse might not be able to go to the Grammies this weekend, and that's because the police have just decided to talk to her about the video of her honking on her crack pipe like it was going out of fashion.
