Folded = , Creased =

Folded:

* Private Eye magazine (like a more political hecklerspray. We might even liken it to inspiration)

* The Ninth Gate (released in 1999, stars Johnny Depp, was on Five a couple of weeks ago. A real growing cult of a movie; two-hours plus of silly devil-worshipping tripe that you cannot stop talking about afterwards

* Payback: Straight Up – The Director’s Cut on DVD (more stone cold Gibbo in this lean little underrated revenge flick from 1999)

* Gordon Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares (still totally entertaining. Would be even better if that ‘literal illustration team-building’ bit in the middle got lost in the cutting room)

* Mobay coconut cream liqueur (currently discontinued in Tesco and being flogged off for less than £5 a bottle. Really rich and sickly at this cold time of year)

Creased:

* Guy Fawkes Night madness (haven’t seen so many council estate gypos crowding into a supermarket to buy incendiary devices since George Bush was re-elected)

* The cynical return of Cadbury’s Wispa (yep, totally forgotten about all that Salmonella-in-the-Dairy Milk stuff now)

* Moany northerners (“I hate London” this or “London caused Foot and Mouth” that. Just cheer up and stop complaining you’re all poor)

* Amy Winehouse/Mark Ronson’s cover of Valerie (so overplayed it has burrowed deeper into your brain than that latent tumour you’ve been so worried about)

* Elizabeth: The Golden Age (as silly as they come and flat-out boring in places)