Gordon Ramsay has more nervous tics that One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. He twitches, jiggles and burps ‘Uh?’ while swearing like Tourette’s bus. Why no-one has certified this man mental is quite beyond us.
And we’ve not even looked at his weird, weird face. It looks like a cliff face that’s falling into tge sea.
With that, the fact he got get on fire, it’s hard to imagine that anyone actually noticed any difference from him. He looks weird, swears a lot and cooks flesh. If you were in the next room, you’d carry on doing your crossword wouldn’t you?
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If you were ever faced with the task of cooking wrinkle faced chef Gordon Ramsay a meal, you’d probably find that it wouldn’t be up to standard. Instead of constructive criticism, a fiery Ramsay would slam into the kitchen, take you by the scruff of the neck and threaten to hack your eyes out with bread knives.
All because the carrots and mashed potatoes were touching on the plate.
Whilst our speciality of microwaved noodles fails in comparison to Ramsay’s Michelin grub, the TV cook is actually better known for his filthy mouth and bad temper. Notoriety equals an easy payday for the ‘celeb in endorsing a product. This is presumably what the people at Gordon’s Gin thought would happen, especially when someone with the same forename is believed to be a lover of said product, but this lazy marketing ploy has backfired. Sales are down and Ramsay is off!
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Gordon Ramsay has a fascinating face. Even though he’s had botox injections to smooth it out, he still resembles a discarded scrotum from the Mount Rushmore project (he would have been Abe Lincoln’s balls for the record).
Not only does he look like a granite teste, but he’s also more irritating than a Jonas Brothers gig.
And so, take great joy in the knowledge that, while in Costa Rica, someone tried to shoot Gordon Ramsay’s face off.
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For years, the collective ‘we’ looked at Gordon Ramsay and wondered why he had all those oddball nervous tics. The “Yes chef?!”, the cutting motion he insisted on doing around his own throat, shouting “Uh?” and “Big Boy!” as punctuation and the weird little jiggling dance he does which makes him look like a toddler bursting for the toilet.
It’s obvious now that these things were the physical manifestations of his jangled nerves because he’s a famous person who is unable to deal with the stresses of having sex with someone who isn’t his wife. We’d better add ALLEGEDLY, eh?
And now, the woman who claims to have willingly taken Gordon Ramsay’s penis into her has sent a letter to Ramsay’s wife, Tana. Both of these things underline that she is quite clearly mental. Read More >>>
Yup, that’s right everyone, advertisers have given up with the gentle approach of trying to get you to buy into their product.
Now it’s been decided that, at random intervals of the day, Gordon Ramsay will break through your front windows, shout abuse at you and make you drink over fifty gallons of milk to make up for the times you forgot over the course of your miserable life.
Of course, media bosses know this might generate a few complaints. So that’s why they’ve sent over the cute-as-a-button Pixie Lott to sing a nice song whilst Ramsay calls you an orange juice-sipping whore. Well that’s what we’d do. Instead, the big boss cows at the dairy want to continue with the milk moustache campaign. Simply freshening up their celebrity fodder, they ignored our awesome campaign idea.
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10 – Enjoyed yesterday’s Gordon Ramsay tribute? This one’s better, and more self-explanatory – Gordonramsayswearsatyou
9 - Beards = serious: an explanation – Dailyfill
8 - A list of celebrities with one testicle. Each. Not between them. That’d be weird – Asylum
7 – The best addition to any boxing match in the history of time - Withleather
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10 - What’s that? You want a gif of Gordon Ramsay pawing a woman on the boob? - Kuonji
9 - A Russian girl with an AK-47. Not sexy – I Am Bored
8 - If Lost characters told the truth. Splendid – Cracked
7 - The best page on Amazon. Fact – Amazon
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Until now, Gordon Ramsay’s biggest achievement was that he’d become famous despite looking like a pensioner’s ballbag.
But not any more – Gordon Ramsay has now eclipsed any celebrity or culinary fame he’d gained by becoming the swearingest man in British TV history. On Channel Four’s Ramsay’s Great British Nightmare on Friday, Gordon Ramsay managed to cram 132 uses of the F-word into a two-hour show, whipping up a flurry of outrage in the process.
Unconfirmed reports suggest that the world’s bear population responded to the news of Gordon Ramsay’s swearing by running off to have a quick dump in the woods.
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