Only the mysterious hecklerspray phantom bothered reporting on the 69th annual Golden Globe ceremony that took place on Sunday evening. Of course, we were ready to take multiple notes on the ceremony and present you with a factual article about the winners, losers and which actress had slopped gravy down their dress.
However, broadcaster E! decided that viewers in the UK weren’t allowed to watch the actual ceremony. Instead of seeing Ricky Gervais offend Hollywood’s elite, viewers were instead treated to endless repeat of an advert featuring Kim Kardashian getting out a helicopter. If they couldn’t be bothered, then neither could we.
So, we still don’t know what happened at the Golden Globes. Nobody injured themselves from what we gather (shame), but following the ceremony, it looks like a bitchfest has kicked off between Mrs. Elton John and Mr. Madonna. A case of sour grapes after losing out in an awards category? Or a bout of jealousy because Madonna bagged herself the sparkly orphan that they both wanted?
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Hey! The Golden Globe nominees have been announced! Isn’t that amazing? Your day just went from pretty average to spectacular on the waft of a bunch of nominations for a bunch of actors who barely know you exist!
Tip top stuff.
Two veritable strangers to us all are having a particularly good day today, namely, Ryan Gosling and George Clooney. Everyone in Hollywood loves them. Loves them hard. The little bestubbled, preening, walking piggy banks!
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Chief Mong and Spazz Honcho Ricky Gervais is to host the Golden Globe Awards again, which is great news for Ricky Gervais’ bank manager. Of course, we should point out that he’s shown remorse for all that ‘mong thing’, and by the end of the article, we will too.
For now, we’re mong mad.
If you remember, last time he hosted the Golden Globes, he ruffled a few feathers by mocking Scientology (good lad) and dry-heaving over the thought of Hugh Hefner’s penis (good work) and… well… in places, he was actually very good, which makes it very irritating for someone wanting to throw a jibe his way. He did go on to say mong though and we’re not letting that go because we’re lazy. Lazy mongs.
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Americans either have a sense of humour or, maybe, they just like the press they get from controversy (that could well explain Sarah Palin’s baffling rise in power). We say this because apparently, Ricky Gervais has been asked to host the Golden Globes again.
Of course, you’ll remember that he upset some humourless dullards with a series of jokes that made everyone else laugh.
Dry heaving while pretending to wank-off Hugh Hefner? That’s exactly the sort of thing that will see hecklerspray jumping to our collective feet for a standing ovation. Not to mention ripping celebrity Scientologists a new one.
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Like we noted yesterday, America can occasionally forget what a sense of humour is, despite the fact they’ve produced some of the most acerbic comics in history and invented the notorious advent of the comedy roast.
Yet, when on the receiving end of abuse from a British comedian, they can get a bit huffy and wounded. The great big touchy soft shits.
This has left Ricky Gervais having to defend his studs-showing stint which he delivered while hosting the Golden Globes, even though he shouldn’t have to. Gervais came armed with jokes, not guns, eh America?
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The 68th annual Golden Globes happened last night and, once again, hecklerspray‘s invite was lost in the post despite having previous when it comes to getting hold of really pure cocaine for very competitive and good prices.
Maybe we have to pretend to be Scientologists or something? Either way, we weren’t there, which means we have to rely on hearsay and reports. Please note – the former doesn’t mean we got a text from Suzanne Shaw, now starring in Emmerdale.
Anyway, apart from the winners, which no-one really cares about, the big story of the show focused on the host, Ricky Gervais who reminded us all that, sometimes, Americans don’t understand humour. Or they don’t find English people funny. One of the two.
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Hey! It’s the Golden Globes! No, that’s not C3PO’s testicles, but rather, yet another stupid awards ceremony that will appear on the stickers of DVD releases next year in an attempt to make us part with our cash.
Us Limey bastards can show fleeting pride too as The King’s Speech – which stars more Limey bastards – got Quite A Few Nominations.
Colin Firth and Helena Bonham Carter play blueblooded lizard shits George VI and Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother in the film which no-one you’ll have met has seen. Read More >>>
The Golden Globes took place last night, and over the course of the evening there was a little something for everyone.
Like being told what stuff to enjoy? Then you’ll be pleased to know that Avatar, The Hangover, Robert Downey Jr, Meryl Streep and Glee all won awards. Like the old Golden Globes traditions? Then you’ll be pleased to know that the camera kept cutting to Jack Nicholson‘s face, even though he continues his slow transformation into a rascally sphere of pulsating cholesterol.
And then there was the Golden Globes host Ricky Gervais. If you like Ricky Gervais, you’ll be pleased to know that his performance was nothing short of a comic masterclass. Don’t like Ricky Gervais? Then you’ll be pleased to know that he was absolutely rubbish. Apparently.
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