Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
The Golden Globe nominations were announced yesterday, and needless to say, I was not impressed. Sure, a lot of cool and deserving people got nominated, but one key person was snubbed and that was Toni Collette.
This year, Toni Collette starred in Hereditary, a horror movie that is also one of the best reviewed movies of the year. Critics called it the new The Exorcist, and it was fucking PHENOMENAL. But what made the movie was just how fucking good Toni Collette was in it.
There were many things I liked about last night’s Golden Globes–a lot of wonderful and provocative films and television shows were honored, Seth Meyer’s opening monologue was as good as it really could be, Oprah was great as always, and there was definitely a wonderful sense of solidarity amongst all these rich, famous people dressed in all black with their “Time’s Up” pins.
On the other hand, a lot of shit about the entire night was pretty problematic for me. As many people have noted, the whole thing kind of seemed like a white women’s “Woke off” and a lot of shitty people were present and honored, too. So let’s just get down to it, shall we?
Remember just a few days ago when I made the HecklerSpray advent of the day a tribute to awesome horror movies of 2017 and said you’d definitely see Get Out and The Shape of Water get nominated for Golden Globes? Well, guess who was right?!
The Golden Globe nominations came out today and there are a fuck ton of movies I’ve never heard of, lots of shows I have heard of (my mom’s favorite “drinking wine alone” show, Big Little Lies, got nominated a bunch), and, SHOCKER, no nominations for Kevin Spacey. Let’s take a look at the nominees! (With my commentary, as per usual)
So, the Golden Globes happened last night, and I always enjoy watching the Globes a bit more than the Oscars for a couple of reasons. First, there are television stars and movie stars together, not just one or the other. Second, and most important, all the celebrities seem to get drunk and this awards show, meaning it’s usually pretty laid back and amusing.
On last nights show, Eleven from Stranger Things rapped and Barb made her triumphant return. La La Land won a bunch of awards, a bunch of non-white people won awards, and Meryl Streep made a not so subtle dig at Donald Trump.
Around this time every year, studios get to pimping out their big time Oscar bait and there are at least a dozen movies I really want to see because they look so fucking fantastic. The past two years have actually been really great for film, but this year the only movies I was mega jazzed on were The Witch and Zootopia (both were siiiiiick).
I’ve legit had numerous conversations with multiple people about how we had NO idea what would even be nominated for the Oscars this year, but today the Golden Globe nominations were released and, amazingly, it’s a bunch of shit I’ve never even heard of.
The Golden Globes are my favorite Hollywood awards show because it’s way less stuffy than the Oscars (everyone is drunk and has a sense of humor) and it mixes my favorite film and television stars, which is cool. As my lovely fellow blogger, Megan, discussed in her blog, there was many gems at this years awards ceremony, but there was one breakout star that can not be ignored: the man bun.
As a woman who does not feel like she has much talent when it comes to rocking up-dos (I either look like I’ve given up on life or a 12-year-old when I wear my hair up), I was green with envy Sunday night when I saw so many beautiful men rocking so many glamorous up-dos.
Let’s be honest, most award shows are pretty typical and boring.? It’s all PC jokes that barely scratch the insult surface, which I make my bread and butter on, and the award winners are rarely a surprise.? But if you look hard enough, in every show there are bright moments that are worth talking about.
Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes this year for the second time, and between their humor and a few unscripted moments from other celebrities, there were actually quite a few amusing moments.? I narrowed them down to my personal 5 favorites, which doesn’t mean they were the funniest or the best.? Just the 5 I didn’t hate the idea of writing about.
Only the mysterious hecklerspray phantom bothered reporting on the 69th annual Golden Globe ceremony that took place on Sunday evening. Of course, we were ready to take multiple notes on the ceremony and present you with a factual article about the winners, losers and which actress had slopped gravy down their dress.
However, broadcaster E! decided that viewers in the UK weren't allowed to watch the actual ceremony. Instead of seeing Ricky Gervais offend Hollywood?s elite, viewers were instead treated to endless repeat of an advert featuring Kim Kardashian getting out a helicopter. If they couldn’t be bothered, then neither could we.
So, we still don't know what happened at the Golden Globes. Nobody injured themselves from what we gather (shame), but following the ceremony, it looks like a bitchfest has kicked off between Mrs. Elton John and Mr. Madonna. A case of sour grapes after losing out in an awards category? Or a bout of jealousy because Madonna bagged herself the sparkly orphan that they both wanted?
Hey! The Golden Globe nominees have been announced! Isn’t that amazing? Your day just went from pretty average to spectacular on the waft of a bunch of nominations for a bunch of actors who barely know you exist!
Tip top stuff.
Two veritable strangers to us all are having a particularly good day today, namely, Ryan Gosling and George Clooney. Everyone in Hollywood loves them. Loves them hard. The little bestubbled, preening, walking piggy banks!
Chief Mong and Spazz Honcho Ricky Gervais is to host the Golden Globe Awards again, which is great news for Ricky Gervais’ bank manager. Of course, we should point out that he’s shown remorse for all that ‘mong thing’, and by the end of the article, we will too.
For now, we’re mong mad.
If you remember, last time he hosted the Golden Globes, he ruffled a few feathers by mocking Scientology (good lad) and dry-heaving over the thought of Hugh Hefner’s penis (good work) and… well… in places, he was actually very good, which makes it very irritating for someone wanting to throw a jibe his way. He did go on to say mong though and we’re not letting that go because we’re lazy. Lazy mongs.
