Posts tagged as:

God

Danniella Westbrook Turns To Religion, Snorting Up The Lord Jesus’ Good Stuff

by Matthew Laidlow

Religion is a fascinating thing isn’t it? Whilst Christians, Muslims, Sikhs and the mentalist Scientologists all bicker over who is right, they are united by one thing – practising terrible and archaic teachings. Practically everything else in the world has developed and modernised, such as transport and communication. We reckon that if Jesus was alive [...]

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Take That Are Scared Of Lightning- The Soppy Gits

by Michael Park

Take That are bunch of drips, aren’t they? If they’re not gyrating around in front of millions of middle-aged women or complaining about press intrusion in effete Northern accents, they’re having little panic attacks about getting felt up by giant robots. Or something like that. Their latest woe has come in the form of a little [...]

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Sean Kingston Tweets To God, Proving That The Almighty Tried To Kill Him On His Jetski

by Mof Gimmers

You rotten swinebrains thought we were making things up when we told you that God Almighty tried to kill Sean Kingston when he careered into a concrete bridge with his face in Miami. You thought that we were just jesting you when we reported that God wanted to teach Kingston a lesson for singing about [...]

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Sean Kingston Is Tottering Around After His Jet Ski Accident, Becomes New Jesus

by Mof Gimmers

Sean Kingston, as you know, collided with a bridge at high speed. He was on a jet ski as opposed to, y’know, running on water. He isn’t Jesus, although, they do have similarities such as the ability to cure lepers and their mutual loathing of Ancient Rome. Anyway, Sean was looking like he was going [...]

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Sean Kingston Still Critical And We Have A Video Of Jet Ski Crash

by Mof Gimmers

As well you know, Sean Kingston has come away second best after tackling a Miami bridge with his head while crashing his jet ski. What a glamorous way to get yourself injured to the point where you’re in a critical condition, eh? Of course, there has been a little controversy over the comments made by [...]

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Sean Kingston Nearly Dead After God Based Jet Skiing Accident

by Mof Gimmers

Cabbage Patch Kid lookalike and awful pop singer Sean Kingston isn’t having too much fun currently. That’s because God has revealed himself to exist and try to kill him. Honestly he has. And in fairness to God, he’s done it in quite a spectacular fashion. See, God looked at Sean and wanted to teach him [...]

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Katy Perry’s Parents Aren’t Impressed, and Homosexuals Hate Her Too

by Ian Dransfield

Katy Perry once kissed a girl and she liked it, if her personal reports are to be believed. Though when we have a confession to make we don’t normally make a literal song and dance about it, we can accept that this is the modern age and those youngsters do things differently. But according to [...]

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Brace Yourselves: Foxy Brown’s Out Of Jail

by Stuart Heritage

We’re not joking. Lock your doors, strap down your children and only go to sleep if you’re wearing full body armour – Foxy Brown is out of jail.

On Friday afternoon Foxy Brown was finally set free from Riker’s Island jail, where she’d been serving time for probation violation stemming from a fight with some manicure workers.

And, although the world has changed drastically in the eight months since she was first imprisoned, Foxy Brown has gone all out to prove that she’s changed even more. In fact, Foxy Brown has publicly stated that she believes God put her in jail for a reason. Which is actually true – it’s just that the reason happened to be that Foxy Brown is a mental lunatic who couldn’t be more violent if you cross-bred her with a wasp.

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God Hates Heath Ledger, Apparently

by Paul Sorrenti

Remember that show Louis Theroux did with the charming folk of the Westboro Baptist Church, you know – the ones who picketed funerals of servicemen in Iraq and people who died of AiDS? Well, guess who’s gonna gatecrash Heath Ledger’s funeral?

You see, Heath Ledger starred in Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain as a gay man. And so, the Church (who, it must be said, do not represent the views of the Christian majority) have released a statement:

“Heath Ledger thought it was great fun defying God Almighty. [He] is now in Hell and has begun serving his eternal sentence there.”

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