Jennifer Aniston is rather famous, rather fetching, and rather wealthy. All that is jolly nice, and we’re ruddy pleased for her that her life’s so smashing.
She kind of wants the extent of your knowledge about her to end with that; the knowledge that she’s a pretty lady who stars in lovely movies with eligible, and often recently single, leading men. Don’t go trying to find out anything more about her. Don’t you dare. She’ll know. All that stuff you looked up on her, on Wikipedia. Ooh. We’re telling. Jennifer seems to have developed something of a chip on her shoulder, when it comes to being in the tabloids.
Aniston, who’s in a movie that we advise you do not see unless you want to risk her wrath, is on the promotional circuit at the moment. We risked our lives, so you didn’t have to, and checked out an interview that she did on Good Morning America.
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So Adam Lambert from AI kissed a man at the AMAs and GMA freaked out until CBS gave him some TLC. OK?
Yes, that’s perfectly clear. Although Good Morning America had scrapped an Adam Lambert performance in the wake of the kiss, in case he suddenly went all gay and started bumming a cameraman or something, CBS’s The Early Show had no such qualms. That’s why Adam Lambert appeared on the show in all his gay glory yesterday.
OK, not all his gay glory. The Early Show actually blurred out Adam Lambert’s kiss, despite showing an uncensored version of the Madonna/ Britney Spears kiss moments later. Which is obviously controversial because Madonna’s like all old and crap, and that’s worse.
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It turns out that GMA stands for ‘Good Morning America’. Who knew – we always assumed it meant ‘Gay Men! Arousing!’
We were shocked too. But probably not as shocked as Adam Lambert. You see, Adam Lambert was due to perform on Good Morning America today, but the appearance was cancelled because producers were worried that Adam would repeat the tongue-waggling, crotch-grabbing, man-kissing, blowjob-simulating shtick that caused so many God-fearing Americans to splutter into their drinks on Sunday.
GMA needn’t have worried, though – Adam Lambert knows how to modify his performances for different audiences. After all, nobody wants to see two men kissing at breakfast, which is why Adam was only going to stick to light cupping and possibly an elaborately mimed rimjob.
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