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Glastonbury

Is Beyonce All Set To Liven Up Terminally Turgid Glastonbury Festival With Headline Slot?

by Mof Gimmers

The Glastonbury festival is outrageously overrated. Acre upon acre of tree-hugging hummus weavers hump the ground in the hope that they’re near a layline while pink-faced louts in Stone Roses t-shirts consume crates of Stella ’til they fill their tent with urine. On top of these obviously good vibes, there’s the lakes of silage that [...]

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Pulp Are Reforming – Cue Misguided Notion That The ’90s Were Good

by Mof Gimmers

There’s a ’90s revival knocking around, leaving thirtysomethings to thrill about an imagined golden-period of music history… a period that comprised of bands like Echobelly, Menswear, Candy Flip and a whole host of other dreadful bands. Basically, if you remember the ’90s without rose-tints, then you’ll know that it wasn’t that great at all. Go [...]

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Glastonbury Is Cancelled Because Festival Goers Produce Too Much Faeces

by Mof Gimmers

Boo-hoo. There’s going to be some hippie tears today as news has got out about the cancellation of Glastonbury festival 2012. And why has it been cancelled? Have the organisers realised that it might be a bit rich to promote environmentally aware messages while being responsible for some insane pollution from the sheer amount of [...]

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U2 Hint That They’ll Be Headlining The Glastonbury Festival (Earplug Sales Rocket)

by Mof Gimmers

It seems apt that jewel encrusted charity muggers, U2 look likely to be headlining the Glastonbury festival this year. Both of these corporations really care about the Earth and poverty, maaaan… despite creating a city’s worth of pollution and showing ghastly displays of wealth every time they roll into town. Of course, U2 are being [...]

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Despite Being The Worst Festival On Earth, Glastonbury Sells Out In 4 Hours

by Mof Gimmers

Glastonbury or, if you’re a simpering, lisping idiot – ‘Glasto’ – is a festival of suffering. It truly is a place where all the world’s denied misery congregates to wave badly made flags at worthy bands playing woefully crafted songs. Yep, the annual hugfest for pie-eyed do-gooders rolls around each year, leaving everyone imagining a [...]

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Bono’s Knackered Back Means No U2 For Glastonbury

by Stuart Heritage

Poor old Bono – he can end poverty, but he can’t jig about in front of some muddy idiots for an hour.

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U2 Set To Bore Festival Goers At Glastonbury

by Matthew Laidlow

Festivals are brilliant. Standing in fields, listening to music out of ropey speakers, complaining about being covered in mud and spending £10 on organic hemp burgers. Perfect. What you want for your money is a magical experience where you get to enjoy bands you like, discover weird stuff like Brazilians who compose songs off radiators [...]

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It’s The Hecklerspray Glastonbury 2009 Preview!

by hecklerspray staff

Glastonbury Festival is imminent. You should know this because every single stinking update on Facebook is counting down to the non-event like some mud-clogged Doomsday Clock. People from all over the world are bracing themselves for a weekend of squinting into pixelated screens three miles from the stage, dodging hugs from Earth Mothers and ducking [...]

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Video: Amy Winehouse Punches Some Gig-Going Touchy-Feely Guy Repeatedly During Song

by Shawn Lindseth

As Amy Winehouse was admitted to the hospital a few weeks back, the whole world waited in the lobby with tears in its eyes and worst case scenarios unavoidably running through its head. Ours included Maury Povich getting scientifically cross-bred with a shark. But then the doctor came out and told us she wasn't dying, [...]

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Heckler Festival Guide: Glastonbury, 27th – 29th June

by Matthew Laidlow

It’s that time of the year again when music lovers gather in a field to celebrate the thing they love: live music.

There are all sorts of festivals to cater for all sorts of musical tastes in all four corners of the world. The main ones kick off at this time of year and hecklerspray is here to tell you all you need to know about each festival, who the essential people are to see and which act to avoid so you can queue up for the overflowing poo-filled portaloos.

Here it comes again, the daddy of the UK festival and the creation of one mad farmer that has spawned hundreds of crap clones – Glastonbury. Known to typically piss it down whenever it’s held, this doesn’t stop thousands of people gathering in fields fill of cowshit to enjoy music from all over the world.

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