Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Even though she’s got a body like the underside of a giant tortoise’s varnished stomach, Jodie Marsh is very happy with her new bodybuilder look. Very happy. Very, very happy.
In fact, Jodie ‘Oh Jesus Christ, It’s Like The Cuprinol Man Came To Life!’ Marsh is saying… with a completely straight face… that she’s feeling more attractive than ever.
Yes really.
That Amanda Knox lass and her apparently non murdering ways have grabbed all the headlines this week. Which is a shame as this whole murder in Perugia fiasco has completely overshadowed the return of Jodie Marsh.
Some new photos of Jodie, the suspected inspiration for BBC 3 smash Snog, Marry, Avoid, have surfaced that show the former glam? OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?!
Seriously. Click over the jump for the fright of your life.
Hecklerspray are a bunch of merry people who would never inflict any harm on you.
We’d do anything to help you out. Say you thought some Russian military types had tampered with your food; we’d be there to help you. Sure, we’d be putting our own life at risk as we gingerly slurped your tomato soup, but we love you and would never turn down your request.
However, there are some factors that we can’t control: famine, Bono, global warming and hay fever (oh dear God the hay fever). At first the problem is confined to one area, but it then slowly spreads around the world. Look at Bono – Ireland suffered for so long until he was unleashed to the world.
Now it’s England’s turn to unleash one of their ropiest creations, this time on an unsuspecting America. Lily Allen has been granted a visa. Batten down the hatches, quick!
It’s a little later in the week than we’re used to seeing it but, here’s this week’s drunken catastrophe, folks: Lily Allen.
Who had bets on Lily Allen for this week? Odds were vastly in favor of another Amy Winehouse meltdown, but when Lily Allen showed up at the Glamour Magazine awards with bright pink hair and that glistening, boozy glow, she quickly became the hammered, career plummeting favourite.
And sure not to disappoint, we can all enjoy Lily Allen’s victory speech, also known as the morning after regretful blog entry.
When you reach a vegetable-like state at the rope old age of 86, you’ll be wanting to look back at life happily.
You won’t want to be reminded of any embarrassing incidents, like when your mum caught you wanking over Judge Judy or when you found pictures of your mum in porno mags. Those things can be avoided, but we may be unable to stop this latest timebomb from going off. Everyone sadly knows about Kerry Katona. She promotes Iceland and was famous a long time ago. Kerry Katona also won’t piss off away from our screens. She now plans to torment us further by getting her presumably frozen tits out for us to go blind over.
There's something we've missed since Lindsay Lohan got clean and left rehab, apart from all the shrieking and the cocaine-trousered DUI arrests, obviously.
And that's that Lindsay Lohan just doesn't give as many boneheaded magazine interviews that show a total absence of any self-awareness these days. But at least she knows about it, and she's trying to do something about it.
In her first post-rehab interview, Lindsay Lohan has said that most people thinks she doesn't know where her head is even though actually she does. Sigh. That's good crackpot Lindsay Lohan, but not great crackpot Lindsay Lohan.
Bless little Christina Aguilera. Half the size of a soggy lollipop stick, it's been blindingly apparent to the entire world that she's been pregnant for quite some time now – and yet she hasn't revealed her pregnancy to the world at all.
At least not until now. Christina Aguilera has decided to officially confirm her pregnancy to the world for the very first time, letting slip to Glamour magazine that her baby is due early on in the new year. It's good news all round, really – Christina Aguilera gets to congratulate herself for keeping the pregnancy a secret for so long, the public gets to breathe a sigh of relief because it knows Aguilera's bulging gut isn't a giant ovarian cyst and all local hospitals have a few months' notice to soundproof their maternity wards – after all, if that's how Christina Aguilera screams when she's singing a song about a man made of candy, imagine what she'll sound like when a giant-skulled baby crawls through her vagina.
