It seems she is now target number one for the lenses of the world’s paparazzi – a section of humanity that, had they been sent to Auschwitz instead of the Jews, would have met no resistance from the rest of the world and we may well have let the Nazi’s keep Poland as a gift.

The LA Times has reported that a photo of Miley Cyrus’ first kiss could be worth anything from $30,000 to $150,000.

Hecklerspray hasn’t quite got the same budget as the LA Times, but if you happen to get a pic of Miley’s first kiss then in return we’ll give you a tenner and an evening with Matthew Laidlow. He’ll even have a wash and take you to the nearest kebab shop he can find.

Frank Griffin of the Bauer-Griffin paparazzi agency has said this:

She’s much more attractive than Britney Spears, it’s much more of a success story. [Consumers] want to see success. They don’t want to see failure. If someone famous falls on their face, you have to report it . . . but Miley is going to steal all of Britney’s thunder. Kids want to see her. They don’t want to see ripped fishnets and fear and mascara-streaked cheeks.

Kids are lame, aren’t they? If anyone does manage to get a pic of Miley in ripped fishnets and fear though (don’t bother taking it to Frank ‘King of the stalkers’ Griffin, as he clearly doesn’t want it) we’ll up the anti to twenty quid and Laidlow will bring along his ‘toolkit’ – as he refers to it.

More news people have commented too, like CEO of Splash News, Gary Morgan:

I think one of the reasons she’s so popular is after all the train wreck girls, the Britneys, there’s a move toward all-American clean living. Everyone is looking for a moral teenager, someone they can look up to.

A moral teenager? Have we not forgotten the whole back incident? Or the outrageous slut-fest she gave at the Disney Games? And anyway, Miley looks up to the Britneys and Lohans of this world, so anyone looking up to Miley is still, by effect, looking up to them. Has this man never seen Girls Gone Wild? Surely that is the most up-to-date and accurate portrayal of how American girls want to be? Cheap sex is what it’s all about now, Gazza, what are you, over 30 or something?

François Navarre, proprietor of the X17 photo agency, say this:

She’s started to sell more. Now the pictures are going for a higher price. It used to be $300 for a shot, and now it’s $2,000 for a picture. It has to be a nice picture. I have a couple of guys working on her. It’s not like Britney, where we have 24/7 coverage, but we are watching her. If she goes out of town, we try to follow her.

Reading a statement like that is a lot like watching an episode of Sex in the City, in as much as you’re left with the warming feeling of ‘at least I’m not as shallow as that’ – François makes hecklerspray feel moral, and that is nothing to be proud of.

Seriously, shouldn’t this be illegal?

We are watching her.

We try to follow her.

If a regular guy did and said such things they’d be imprisoned for years and fined accordingly, but put a camera in his hand and call it a profession and suddenly you’ve $150,000 dollars in your back pocket, enough to bail you out of a lifetimes worth of intrusive behaviour.

Still, that’s the American dream these days. 40 acres and a mule became extinct a long, long time ago and Frank, Gary and François are no doubt exceedingly grateful for that.

Seriously though, twenty quid for those ripped fish-net shots.

Read More – Photo Of Miley Cyrus First Kiss Worth $150,000? – Fn’ Famous

And if a scandal about you being a massive whore with a slightly gross-looking New York governor isn’t bad enough, the inevitable follow-up story about the way you took your clothes off for a teen-exploiting series of softcore videos is just utterly degrading.

That’s why we’re fully behind Ashley Alexandra’s decision to sue Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis for $10 million because he quickly released a 2003 video of her flashing her breasts in the wake of the scandal as a money-making enterprise. She’s completely correct – if she didn’t chase Joe Francis for cash, then what kind of filthy prostitute would Ashley Dupre be? A shit one, that’s what.

Britain’s Got Talent, American Idol, that rubbishy Graham Norton thing about Oliver Twist – all those contestants are deluding themselves. All they want is fame, and they’re going about it the wrong way. Statistically, the chances of you winning X Factor are minuscule – you stand a much better chance of becoming famous if you fuck a politician for cash, everyone knows that.

Ashley Dupre knows that, anyway. Every since she was uncovered as the prostitute at the centre of the Eliot Spitzer scandal, she’s been everywhere. Her face has been in newspapers constantly, the songs on her MySpace page have been thoroughly analysed – play them backwards and we’re told you hear “$500 for straight sex, or $1,000 to put it up my bumhole” – she’s been approached to appear in porn magazines and even Donald Trump’s got his eye on her.

So if Ashley Dupre plays her cards right, she might become the most successful prostitute since those women who Jack The Ripper stabbed to death. Especially if that $10 million lawsuit against Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis comes off.

You see, back in 2003, Ashley Dupre was filmed by Girls Gone Wild dancing around and flashing her breasts a lot. Nothing wrong with that, you might think – even sleazy overlords of morally-suspect softcore porn empires have to put dinner on their tables – but now Ashley Dupre says that she was filmed when she was just 17. And everyone knows that 17-year-olds don’t know anything about contracts. Especially, as the New York Post reports, when they’re blasted off their minds on booze:

Ashley Alexandra Dupre filed a lawsuit Monday in Miami federal court claiming she never gave “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis permission to use her name and likeness to advertise the videos. Dupre contends she was 17 and not old enough to sign a contract when the videos were taken in 2003 in Miami Beach. People.com said the lawsuit is for $10 million, and alleges that reps from the nudey video empire plied her with alcohol before getting to flash her breasts when she was only 17.

$10 million dollars is a vast amount of money for anyone, and our calculations suggest that Ashley Dupree would have to keep a man’s penis in her mouth for 2,500 hours – about three and a half months – without rest to earn that kind of cash normally.

But who knows what the outcome of this lawsuit will be. Maybe Ashley Dupre will win, maybe the judge will rule in favour of Girls Gone Wild and maybe, just maybe, we’ll get to write an article about something other than underage nudity sometime soon. That way it wouldn’t take as long to scrub the shame from our skin at the end of the day. Some days we think we’ll never get clean.

Read more:

ASHLEY DUPRE SUES ‘GIRLS GONE WILD’ OVER PICTURES – NYP