Girls Aloud - HecklerSpray

Top 10 Parody Twitter Accounts That Are Funnier Than The Real Thing

September 3rd, 2013 By Rhiannon Davies

Twitter’s main purpose is giving us regular folk a look in to the lives of the rich and famous. So it’s a downright shame that most celebrity Twitter accounts are a downright snoozefest.

We don’t want to know what their favourite brand of macrobiotic smoothie is, we want Twit-pics of them snorting coke off a lap dancer’s chest and talking freely about which celebrities they most want to punch in the left tit. Luckily, where normal Twitter accounts fail us, parody accounts pick up the slack nicely.

Ashley Cole! Read The Lyrics To ‘Screw You’ By Cheryl Cole

March 29th, 2012 By Mof Gimmers

Despite the rumours that persist about Ashley Cole, he went and got married to Cheryl from Girls Aloud (despite the rumours that persist about her too). All was going swimmingly until Ashley started fooling around.

Overnight, the heartache meant that Cheryl Cole because the people’s princess. We forgot all about that toilet attendant business. Ashley Cole was public enemy number one!

And so, after a quiet spell, Chezza is back with a new song called Screw You and, well, while there’s no official word on it, it does sound a lot like a barbed attack on a certain ex husband. And the lyrics are rather fruity too!

Cheryl Cole Quite Literally In A Film, May Return To UK X Factor: Be Still Our Dying Brains!

February 23rd, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Two granola-sized pieces of Cheryl Cole news for you today, and they both matter absolutely not at all, but let’s just talk about it anyway, okay? It’s important sometimes to force yourself into new cultures – you know, like caviar, or Newsnight Hugh Grant.

A while ago, we happened to mention??that ARGHCHEZZA (as the English language’s basic semantic functions deduce her name to be) was going to be in ‘a film with Cameron Diaz in it’.

This wasn’t even something we made up to hurt you or cause you notable mental or physical distress, it really was the truth – and sometimes the truth hurts. And sometimes – the truth is also; that people will literally give anybody any ridiculous sum of money for doing basically anything at all if they give good side boob. It’s just human trafficking, and it’s fine. *Mutters*

Sarah Harding And Boyfriend Have A Bit Of A Row (Excellent For Career Prospects)

January 5th, 2012 By hecklerspray staff

Sometimes it's hard for pop artists, isn't it? When Britney feared she was becoming irrelevant, she reached for the bottle labelled ?substep? and shaved her head, while J-Lo?s relative obscurity in recent years was remedied by a genuinely insulting and lazy attempts at songs about dancing and drinking too much.

But nothing keeps a musician relevant like an assault charge and an addiction now, does it?

Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud announced today, just after a story about her and boyfriend Theo de Vries kicking lumps out of each other came out this week, that the couple met in rehab for their respective drinking problems. Now, it's not that we're taking a pop at recovering addicts and victims of domestic abuse. Far from it. In fact, you go, girl!

Cheryl Cole Set To Be ‘New Jonathan Ross’, Or: International Good Ideas Factory Closes Down For Business

January 4th, 2012 By Sophie Hall

Okay. Hands up. Who’s missed Cheryl Cole? Hello? Did you hear us? Why can we hear tendons snapping? Well – erm – YOU’RE IN LUCK!

For that X Factor Expert and all round amazing woman what is good at chatting to people on strange curved sofas that don’t exist anywhere except post-watershed Channel 4 programmes has ‘reportedly’ (and Jesus Christ, we use that term lightly, this story was pulled from Star Magazine, where half the office are frequented by Nick Hardman’s idea of what women look like, and the rest: Frogs) agreed to be the face of a new late night chat show, like that time they did it with Charlotte Church, as part of the What To Do With Down to Earth Welsh People Scheme of 2006.

Anyway, the consensus seems to be it’s going to be a show kind of on the same lines.

Sarah Harding Leaves Rehab After Recovering From Irrational Hatred of Daniel O’Donnell

November 14th, 2011 By Michael Park

Sarah Harding, or the blonde one from Girls Aloud, has spent the last wee while in rehab. Did you know that?

No, neither did we.

Is it that no-one told us or simply that the admission of a celebrity to rehab has become so commonplace that we now spend more time focussing on what Daniel O’Donnell’s up to. He’s nice. Grans like Daniel O’Donnell.

Sarah Harding doesn’t though. She thinks he’s boring and once interrupted a West

People Continue To Employ Cheryl Cole For Inexplicable Reasons (Glee and ?A Film With Cameron Diaz In It? Beckon)

August 15th, 2011 By Sophie Hall

You may remember a few months ago (and if you don't remember, you're a liar, because we ALL remember. We just don't talk about it anymore) someone, somewhere on the horizon of logic sacked Cheryl Cole upon realising she is an entirely pointless human woman.

Yeah, you remember. It was brilliant.

After years being mollycoddled (and there really is no other word for it, that bitch got ?mollycoddled good) by Simon Cowell after a number of years of voluntary blindness, a promotion to LA fell flat on it's arse, because some brave stallion of a man stood up in a board meeting and suddenly realised ?Hang on a second. This woman?s dimples aren't cute enough to warrant a legitimate and vibrant media career at all! We've all been duped!? and Cheryl Cole, alas, alas, hung up her stupid purple stupid trousers which were stupid, and headed back to England, to do something or other.

Hide! Geri Halliwell Is Single Again And Wants Your Seed!

August 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Run! Hide! Duck for cover! Geri Halliwell’s womb is on the prowl and it demands that one of you penis owning plebs puts some swimmers up there to enable her to have a baby, which she’ll cradle and whisper sinisterly to it ’til it runs away from home aged 15.

See, Ginger Spice has split up from boyfriend Henry Beckwith because of his partying lifestyle. Beckwith wants to party like it’s 1999 and Geri wants to sit down like it’s 1957.

And because they were both stuck in different years, the ‘singer’ decided to end their two year relationship. She wants babies. He wants Babycham. It wasn’t ever going to work was it?

Ashley Cole Has Had Some Flings Because He Definitely Likes Women More Than Men

July 21st, 2011 By hecklerspray staff

Cheryl Cole must be practising her best disappointed / all out of love face in the mirror again, because on again, off again, on again, off again, on again (off again?) ex-husband Ashley Cole is facing fresh allegation that as a single man he has slept with a lady or two, you know, cause he likes women and their vaginas.

After their divorce last year Cheryl has been linked to bleached blonde, male dancer Derek Hough (it might be fair to say she has a type) while Ashley has been free to run around playing with his phone and shooting work experience boys with air rifles. How manly of him.

It must have been this display of pure brute macho-ism that attracted Chezza back to Ashley, she is, after all, from Newcastle; and naturally the papers have been rife with rumours of weddings and babies and other things to distract people from the fact that golden girl Cheryl has been sacked from not one, but two major television shows in the space of a week.

Kimberley Walsh Misplaces Cheryl Cole In America

July 13th, 2011 By Michael Park

Worrying reports are flooding into the bedsit that Girls Aloud and (apparently) solo star Kimberley Walsh has managed to misplace long-time friend and band-mate Cheryl Cole while on holiday in America. News in recent weeks has suggested that Cheryl is trying to get her PR disaster of a career back on track but this latest navigational disaster could be the death-knell in the coffin of Chezza’s dreams of cracking America.

Cole and ‘Bez Friend Fo’evvvvaaaaa’ Kimberley Walsh had been enjoying a short holiday in Los Angeles for the past week but concerns have been raised when Walsh was seen at London’s Heathrow airport Arrivals area without her former band-mate.

The pair had been enjoying nights out in Hollywood with Cheryl’s brother Garry, not to mention hooking up with?Dancing With The Stars professional, Derek Hough. We’re not quite sure what ‘hooking up’ means in this context but if it transpires that anyhting has happened to the Geordie songstress and Will.I.Am fancier then he will have to numero uno on the list of suspects.