When you’re an incredibly boring person, the best thing to do in place of developing a personality is to do something strange with your appearance. You can either insert stupid things in your earlobes which stretch them to the point of snapping, wear a comedy tie or, in the case of Twilight dreambore, Robert Pattinson, dye your hair a funny shade of ginger.
How wonderful. But ol’ dullface isn’t done there. He wants to talk about sex. Sex can be really thrilling and exciting can’t it? Even in films when you’re shooting a sex scene, there’s a mastery and art to the process (namely, trying not to get a lob-on when a girl is sticking her boobs in your face).
Sadly, Robert Pattinson is able to reduce this art of acting into a boring process. Well done you.
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The nation is mourning today as its greatest disc-jockey, Chris Evans, 41, has admitted to taking magic mushrooms, and has therefore broken a Great British law.
A law that clearly states that you must not eat magic mushrooms, citizen. And Chris, our Chris – your Chris, my Chris, everyones a Chris, Chris – has not only defied that law, but he has also broadcast the fact to the general public. He has said:
"It was a Meat Loaf concert, two days before which I’d had rather more magic mushrooms than maybe I should have."
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Chris Evans Should Receive Corporal PunishmentThe nation is mourning today as it's greatest disc-jockey, Chris Evans, 41, has admitted to taking magic mushrooms, and has therefore broken a Great British law.
A law that clearly states that you must not eat magic mushrooms, citizen. And Chris, our Chris - you're Chris, my Chris, everyone's a Chris, Chris - has not only defied that law, but he has also broadcast the fact to the general public. He has said:
“It was a Meat Loaf concert, two days before which I’d had rather more magic mushrooms than maybe I should have"
Whether Chris likes it or not, our laws are there for a reason; for the benefit of society as a whole. Most upstanding citizens, upon happening upon some magic mushrooms, would automatically grab them in the palm of their hand, make sure no children were within a two mile radius - systematically culling those that were - before incinerating the mushrooms and then themselves, just in case some of it's anti-social spours had rubbed off on said upstanding citizens hands, all in the name of keeping society together - a concept that Mr Chris Evans seemingly cares for not a jot.
