You have to hand it to Britney Spears. She keeps punks like us in currency. Everything she does (or more importantly, ever rumour that swirls around that head of hers) is to be reported on, even if it doesn’t even resemble news.

The latest bit of gossip to be slapped across these pointless pages were that she was being beaten up by her current beau. That’s depressing on every level because she’s either being abused or someone is lying about it.

However, other mutterings are saying that this isn’t even remotely true and that she is in fact getting married!