Forget any of the other weekend box office wars of the year, for this weekend saw the battle of the disappointingly underwhelming puerile comedies.

In the red corner was Get Smart, the critically reviled movie remake of a TV spy spoof starring Steve Carell, and in the blue corner was The Love Guru, the critically reviled new movie by Mike Myers, a man most famous for making spy spoof movies. And which movie came out on top at the US weekend box office?

Get Smart won the war, beating The Love Guru into second place. Wait, did we say second place? We meant third place. Wait, did we say third place? We meant fourth place. Fourth place.

Poor old Mike Myers. Shrek aside, the poor man hasn't released a movie since 2003's The Cat In The Hat – a film with the working title of Austin Powers Shits All Over Your Fondest Childhood Memories – and he needed his next film to be a big hit. So what did he do?

Why, he made The Love Guru – a moronic movie with a serious message about some kind of muddled eastern philosophy or other – and let both Jessica Alba and Justin Timberlake be in it. Unsurprisingly, crowds haven't been queuing up outside cinemas slapping themselves with disbelief because they'd get to see the stars of Southland Tales and The Ten strut their stuff in the new movie by the man who squeezed three whole films out of a pair of false teeth and the phrase "Oh behave," making The Love Guru an official weekend box office dud.

Still, though, don't forget that Austin Powers sank at the box office until it slowly became a success on video, so maybe The Love Guru isn't done for yet. After all, it's entirely feasible that every other DVD, TV show, videogame and book ever made will burn down in a freak accident leaving The Love Guru as planet Earth's sole entertainment option. And when that happens, Mike Myers had better prepare himself to be marginally richer. Here's the US weekend box office top five…

1 - Get Smart (Officially the champion of lame weekend box office comedies that nobody actually seems to like all that much – which is actually Get Smart's second award after 'billionth film ever made about a man trying to swing through a window and hitting a wall instead, ha ha ha') $39,155,000

2 - Kung Fu Panda (Sorry Mike Myers – as well as The Love Guru flopping, Kung Fu Panda also looks like it's chasing Shrek down too. And it's only three sequels, a Christmas special, a 3D DVD, two videogames and something called a 'swamp karaoke dance party' away from achieving that) $21,700,000

3 - The Incredible Hulk (The movie responsible for our recent vow to never eat or drink anything made on a factory production line ever again) $21,557,000

4 - The Love Guru (It's so strange that The Love Guru fared so horribly at the weekend box office – the phrase 'co-starring Jessica Alba' is usually such a mark of quality, isn't it? Except for, you know, The Eye. And Awake. And both Fantastic 4 movies. And Good Luck Chuck. And Bill, The Ten, Into The Blue and Honey. Weird) $14,000,000

5 - The Happening (Still, at least The Love Guru didn't do as badly as the film about farting plants that make people kill themselves. It'll always have that, no matter what) $10,000,000

You know when the Rock played the part of the Scorpion King in that one Mummy movie? You know how he crawled out of hell or something and sat there looking at Brendan Frasier from across the pit of the damned?

You know what he was thinking? He was probably thinking ‘His lips….they’re perfect….’ or something along those lines. We know this because a thought bubble briefly appeared on screen while we were watching at home once. Also this kind of clears up why in his wrestling days his secret move looked so much like he was trying to help an unconscious opponent breathe.

He’s in the Get Smart movie that’s gonna be unrolling on us soon, and in it he has to practically suck the lips right off of Steve Carell. You know what he said about it? He said it was ‘…fantastic.’

To make it in Hollywood you really only have to do one thing – help fill Steve Carell’s bottomless bucket of passion and hope he likes it – he’s a career maker you know. What happened to Oscar on the Office after he let Michael Scott kiss him? His bank account got bigger – he suddenly started on that new-ish Comedy Central show, remember?

All we’re saying is, make-out with Carell and maybe you can be in Horton Hears A Who 2: Horton Hears Another Who. We bet Dwayne Johnson at least has an interview for it, because he’s had to kiss the man recently. Johnson says:

“One of the skills I had to learn and become proficient in is kissing a man. I had never kissed a man. Will Smith did it in his movies, so did Jake Gyllenhaal, and I figured it was my time. So it was me and [Steve] Carell — fantastic.”

No mention of preceding romance was given, which makes us think Dwayne might have gone to easy. We’d like to ask him though, was it worth it?

Hardly, we bet. Not that there could never be a good reason to kiss a man. For instance if you were failing tenth grade math and your teacher holds you after class. He says he really likes your new Gap jeans as he slowly flips through the grade book. Then maybe he stops on a page, glances down at it for only a minute and says ‘looks like you’re gonna fail, hecklerspray. That’s a real shame, a bright website like you with a 100% guaranteed ruined future. If only there was something we could do about this.”

See, now that’s a good reason.

We sometimes still get the night-shakes though.

Read More in an MSN article entitled ‘Carell jokes about on-screen kiss with The Rock’