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Geri Halliwell

Famous People Who Would NEVER Cheat On You

by Josh Burt

The main problem with famous people is that they have such trouble keeping their underpants on. Everyone’s at it these days. It’s all sex here, sex over there, more sex here again. Do an interview, have a bit of sex. Sing a song, then have sex. Go to an awards show, have sex with someone [...]

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Top 8 Bonkers Celebrities

by Josh Burt

Next time someone tells you that they’re a ‘little bit mad’, don’t greet the news with a cheerful honk and a quip about how you can be “bonkers” yourself sometimes. Call the cops, have them sectioned. It might seem harsh, but remember – there’s just one mood swing between a hilarious farting noise when you [...]

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WEBTHUMP! Thursday 12 March 2009

by Stuart Heritage

10 – Reasons to hate Taiwanese toddlers, episode 4 – Dailymail

9 – Like Rock Band? Like graphs? Then this is your lucky day, you unbearable geek – Pwnordie

8 – Five terrible McDonald’s dishes from history – Howstuffworks

7 – People are still kidding themselves that Thor will be good – Times

6 – Ken Doll; a biopic – Cracked

5 – Hey boys, Geri Halliwell is single again. Boys? Boys? – Popsugar

4 – A bored child. He be MAJICK – I Am Bored

3 – CLEVER DOG! CLEVER DOG! – Metro

2 – Stephen Colbert continues to be wonderful – Comedycentral

1 – Here, have some nightmares…

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Geri Halliwell Temporarily Locked Away For a Bit

by Matthew Laidlow

Wishes at hecklerspray HQ generally vary from person to person. Some just want others to stop nicking their pens. Others just want to remember what the daylight looks like.

And of course, some people’s wishes that involve a bottle of chilli sauce, an encyclopedia and a mask are ones we don’t want to know about. But we can all agree that banishing rubbish pop stars is high on the list, and for a few hours at least recently, our dream temporarily came true as former Spice Girl and all round annoying person Geri Halliwell got locked away for a few hours.

While many agree that prison would be the best place for her, sadly Geri wasn’t locked away with the other lags of this world. Instead, she had her own temporary jail cell in the closest thing to a damp squalid hellhole – the Lakeside shopping centre in Essex. The sight of orange-skinned chavs is punishment enough for any man, woman or child.

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Geri Halliwell’s New Book Lets Her Babble On Endlessly For Once

by Stuart Heritage

Since that Austrian house of horrors incest sex dungeon was found, parents everywhere have questioned their own parenting standards.

Which is a shame for Geri Halliwell, because her new children’s book is being released today, and reading a Geri Halliwell book to a child is only a couple of notches down from locking them in a cellar for 24 years and getting them pregnant against their will.

We’re joking, of course – Geri Halliwell’s book is just a bit of harmless fun. It doesn’t compare at all. But Geri Halliwell promoting the book by banging on and on and on and on about herself forever? We don’t know about you, but actually that does feel like being raped by your father in an incest dungeon in Austria.

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This Just In: Geri Halliwell Still Annoying

by Stuart Heritage

When was the last time you saw Geri Halliwell do something that wasn’t annoying? You can’t remember, can you, because Geri Halliwell has never done anything that isn’t annoying.

You name it – singing, acting, humanitarian work, naming her children, breathing – you can guarantee that whatever Geri Halliwell does it’ll annoy the shit out of you. And that’s fine for us to say. It’s not like we’re Geri Halliwell’s boyfriends or anything, we don’t have to like her.

Geri Halliwell’s boyfriend, though, is supposed to like her. So it’s a shame, as Dietpixie reports, that Geri annoys him just as much as the rest of us:

Apparently, Ginger Spice goes through a punishing two-hour daily workout every day to stay in shape. But this is starting to grate on new bloke Ivan Velez, who despite being a professional dancer just doesn’t understand why Geri Halliwell devotes so much time to it. A friend of the couple said: “Ivan is extremely fit but does not dedicate his life to body-toning the way Geri does. He complains that her house is like a boot camp. Geri has been involving him in stretching sessions after her rigorous routines and has made him go on long bike rides and early morning runs.”

Of course that’s annoying. He’s a man. It’s annoying enough when your girlfriend makes you take the binbag out, but it’s be nothing compared to being forced to ride a bike all over the place. And that, in turn, would be nothing compared to being forced to ride a bike all over the place by Geri Halliwell. Ugh.

Anyway, what’s all this about Geri ‘staying in shape?’ Did you see that last Spice Girls video? She looks like 20 walnuts and a roving hernia wrapped in veiny clingfilm. We’re not even sure that is a shape, to be honest.

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Geri Halliwell’s fitness obsession really annoys her new man – Dietpixie

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Geri Halliwell Generously Sings Girl Out Of Coma

by Shawn Lindseth

Hecklerspray broke a world record once. It was three years ago when we were going through a phase of carrying a fully functional Defibrillator everywhere we went. When our arms got tired, we’d just drag it.

We did it so that we could administer first aid in a moments notice should we ever be lucky enough to stumble upon somebody almost dead. We never did – but we did learn how to cook duck with those things. One of the ducks actually came back to life. It was headless and plucked, but it waddled just the same. That’s what our record was for. Nobody had ever previously resuscitated a headless duck. We think it’s on page three of that Guinness book.

Geri Halliwell, apparently, is going through that same phase, just a couple of years after us. But instead of zapping people/ducks with thousands of electrical volts, she sings to them back to health. One girl recently emerged from a coma because of it, while no ducks responded at all.

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There Is A God: Spice Girls To Stop Inflicting Their Whining On Us All

by Matthew Laidlow

We’ll tell you what we want, what we really really want. No, honestly, we’ll tell you want we want, what we really really want. And, it’s not a zigga zig ah – whatever that is.

Instead, it’s to eradicate all the reunion bands of the face of the earth. Because, let’s face it, once was bad enough – a second helping of nostalgic pop is definitely too much to handle. We are pleased to say that one such band who reformed have decided to call it a day. Again. You can now safely go around your daily business quite happily knowing that The Spice Girls aren’t going to potentially gig in your city.

That’s correct – following news that the Spice Girls are cutting their world tour short because they hate each other, Geri Halliwell has said that they’ll never reform again. Ever.

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