Jennifer Aniston is rather famous, rather fetching, and rather wealthy. All that is jolly nice, and we’re ruddy pleased for her that her life’s so smashing.
She kind of wants the extent of your knowledge about her to end with that; the knowledge that she’s a pretty lady who stars in lovely movies with eligible, and often recently single, leading men. Don’t go trying to find out anything more about her. Don’t you dare. She’ll know. All that stuff you looked up on her, on Wikipedia. Ooh. We’re telling. Jennifer seems to have developed something of a chip on her shoulder, when it comes to being in the tabloids.
Aniston, who’s in a movie that we advise you do not see unless you want to risk her wrath, is on the promotional circuit at the moment. We risked our lives, so you didn’t have to, and checked out an interview that she did on Good Morning America.
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Of course Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler are a couple. Blind Albanian orphans could have predicted this one.
Although, to be fair, that does depend on your definition of the word couple. According to reports, Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler were seen strolling around hand in hand, but remember that acting is a very tactile profession. Other reports say that they’ve spent a lot of time in Jennifer Aniston’s trailer, but that could mean they were just learning lines.
And other reports suggest that Gerard Butler is Jennifer Aniston’s newest male co-star, in which case they’re DEFINITELY doing it.
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There’s a reason why Jennifer Aniston is one of the highest-earning actresses in Hollywood. No, not her hair.
No. Jennifer Aniston is so well paid is because she gets all the best-looking male co-stars. And why does Jennifer Aniston have the best-looking male co-stars? Because she has sex with them all. Definitely. It’s in her contract. “Must have sex with hunky co-star more than once, preferably while dressed as medieval Spaniards” it says.
Oh, alright, it doesn’t. But everyone thinks that Jennifer Aniston shags her co-stars. And that might explain why Gerard Butler has been looking so insufferably smug lately.
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Remember that film What Women Want? It turns out that they all want Mel Gibson to fake empathy towards them, which we didn’t really see coming.
But what do men want? We just don’t know. And we are men. So what hope could women ever have at figuring out the enigmatic bundle of mysteries that is man? Luckily they no longer have to – TheManslator is here to make this uncertainty a thing of the past. Simply tell TheManslator something that your man has told you and it’ll instantly translate it into what the man really means, in a way that isn’t sexist whatsoever.
Try TheManslator, after the jump…
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Finally some sci-fi action with a decent concept!
Gamer stars 300‘s Gerard Butler, who plays Kable, a death-row inmate forced to kill his fellows in the name of sadistic computer entertainment. Mind control technology allows the inmates to be ‘played’ by civilians in an online multiplayer shooter called Slayers.
The inmates are set against each other with a fistful of steel and a licence to kill. If Kable survives 30 battles, he walks free, but game creator, Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall or ‘Dexter’) has other ideas.
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We’ve seen 300, so we know Gerard Butler isn’t a man to mess with. That felt-tip drawn-on sixpack means business, you know.
And because we’ve seen 300, we know that provoking him will lead to one of two outcomes. Either Gerard Butler will tilt his head back and bellow in slow motion for what seems like 45 minutes or he’ll do something so absurdly homoerotic that you’ll need to go home and scrub yourself clean afterwards.
Or – if you’re a photographer – he’ll punch you in the face a couple of times. Because that’s what Gerard Butler has just been charged with allegedly doing.
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It has been a truly rubbish week for Cameron Diaz.
First her father Emilio dies suddenly of pneumonia at 58 years young – a truly traumatic experience that no daughter should have to go through.
It’s in times like these we turn to the ones that love us the most for support; our family; our friends; our dashingly handsome Glaswegian boyfriend called Gerard Butler.
Oh, no, wait – screw that last one, because it turns out he’s left her to mourn here alone. And as we cry away a river of pain, the uncaring media report sightings of him publicly tonguing some Z-list TV celebrity.
Fucking men!
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