Since the dawn of time, there have always been rifts between different groups of people.

Do-gooders like Bono want us to simply get along, but no-one will listen. Over the year’s battles between the east and west coast, cowboys & Indians and The Pope v The Gays have grabbed media attention and divided people’s opinions.

One argument we never expected to see was between the spewed-up creatures of Simon Cowell’s pet projects Britain’s Got Talent and X Factor. We thought that all the creations of the show lived in peace and harmony where they constantly lick each other’s bumholes and applauded each other. Guess something went wrong as the gloves are off between Sampson and Quigg.

It seems odd that the pint-sized midget pair of reality show contestants are biting at each other’s necks. Without their tears, exposure on national TV every week and naive girls wasting their pocket money so they could vote for them, they wouldn’t be anywhere. George Sampson would probably be breakdancing for loose change outside tube stops in order to buy a tasty snifter of crack, and as for Eoghan Quigg? With a name spelt so oddly, no employer would ever give him a chance.

Out of the two reality show stars, we were introduced to George Sampson first. In the first series of Britain’s Got Bugger All Talent But We’ll Commission A Lengthy Run Of It Anyway, he was rejected at the final hurdle. However, he showed grit and determination by returning last year to take the competition by storm and winning. His talent? Rolling around on the floor like an epilepsy victim! Hey, it doesn’t do anything for us, but it did for most of the general public.

In possibly the millionth series of X Factor that was screened in 2008, we were introduced to Eoghan Quigg. That’s apparently pronounced Owen Quigg – aren’t the Irish crazy? We’ll admit, he does have a better singing voice than us and doesn’t need 15 pints of beer to get up and sing on karaoke. However, there was something utterly fascinating about the Irish scamp. Eoghan literally looked and sounded like a leprechaun.

Sadly, Eoghan couldn’t convince the public he had the X Factor. Though he did prove to us he sometimes resembled the look of a foetus when he was upset. This happened quite a lot and we were often treated to a stream of pre-pubescent tears. Like any X Factor competitor who makes it in to the final five, Eoghan got a record deal – which was good for him, but bad for people with actual music taste. However, Eoghan’s debut collided into the charts at number 14 this week, so at least we won’t have to worry about it for long.

But what started this beef between the nation’s favourite Simon Cowell puppets? Did George call Eoghan’s mother a slag? Or did Eoghan piss in George’s orange juice? No, in true schoolboy fashion, it’s nothing more than a bickering spat. Supposedly, George is jealous of Eoghan being the new fresh-faced youngster on the scene. We assume he sniggers at his name like us. Anyway, Eoghan said:

“I don’t know what George’s problem is. We met once and we spoke and it was fine. Then he posted loads of rude stuff about me on his website. Clearly it’s jealousy. I mean, he was the only young heartthrob on the scene last year and now I’m here. And let’s be honest, there’s only so much dancing you can do.”

Adding fuel to a fire that presumably had to be started by one of his parents due to his young age; he added that George was a “jealous flop”. Yikes, we don’t want to be there when karma is severed up and Eoghan is on the receiving end of some George Sampson revenge. Perhaps he’ll kick his head in using ninja style death dancing moves.

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Do you like films? Do you like real-life tales of against-the-odds struggle? Does your single-digit IQ often cause you to clap along to Saturday evening TV theme-tunes?

You answered yes to all the above? Well, then this must be your lucky day – because it’s been announced that a Billy Elliot-style movie is to be made about George Sampson, the disabled teenage breakdancing winner of Britain’s Got Talent.

Having said that, there’s a possibility that Simon Cowell is just going to send a bunch of heavies to visit five million of the most stupid people in Britain and steal £7.50 from each of them instead, because that way Cowell gets his money and nobody has to waste their time going to see his rubbish film.

Britain’s Got Talent is a heartwarming return to that much-missed television genre – the variety show where the winner is chosen on how shit their life is, how awful their haircut is and how slightly disabled they appear to be. Honestly, the original title for Britain’s Got Talent was Britain’s Got A Cack-Handed Barber, Lives On A Council Estate And One Of Its Lungs Is The Size Of A Peanut, but it didn’t really pop onscreen.

Last year’s winner of Britain’s Got Talent – original title number two: Britain’s Got A Lot Of People In It Who Remind You Of Forrest Gump – was Paul Potts, the sad-eyed singing phone salesman who captured the nation’s heart by being in a car crash, having a bunch of tumours in his body and marrying some woman off the internet. He’d also previously performed with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, but that wasn’t quite so heartbreaking so nobody really mentioned it at the time.

And that’s a trend that continued this year when it was revealed that the winner of Britain’s Got Talent was George Sampson, a teenage street dancer. That’s it – George Sampson is a teenage street dancer and he’s good at it and that’s the only reason why he won Britain’s Got Talent.

Oh, and also because George Sampson comes from an economically-deprived part of the country and had to busk for dancing lessons. And he got bullied for his love of dance. And he suffers from a rare spine disorder that makes him go blind if he dances too much. And his haircut, seriously, is rubbish.

You missed all that? Well don’t fret – because there are apparently plans to turn George Sampson’s life into a heartwarming Billy Elliot-style movie. Now reports:

Hollywood producers want to make a biopic of George Sampson’s rise to fame. Filmmakers reckon the Britain’s Got Talent winner’s Billy Elliot-style story is great movie material. ‘They reckon George’s story could be a perfect follow-up to Billy,’ a source tells The Sun. ‘There are a lot of similarities.’

And people sure are keen for the George Sampson movie to be made – the film’s script is all ready to go. OK, so it’s literally just the Billy Elliot script with all the references to Billy Elliot scribbled out and ‘Weedy-Looking Disabled Kid’ written over the top in biro, but that’s a start.

By the way, if any of this sounds familiar to you, that’s because it’s only been a couple of months since someone decided to announce a Paul Potts movie as well. Seems a bit of coincidence, doesn’t it? Almost as if no movies are actually going to be made about either of them at all and that it’s all just a bunch of exaggerated rumours.

Oh well, never mind. Less than a year to go and we can go through the whole thing again on the next series of Britain’s Got Talent - original title number three: Britain is Most Easily Manipulated When Poor People Say Sad Things While Trouble By Coldplay Plays In The Background.

The winner of that, by the way is already provisionally slated to be a cross-eyed toddler with dead parents that used to abuse her because she hasn’t got any bones in her neck. She sings or acts or juggles or something – producers haven’t worked that bit out yet.