Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
George Lucas has not exactly endeared himself to Star Wars fanatics lately, tinkering with the films they love so dearly. Darth Vader shouting “Noooooo!” seems to have sent fans so insane with rage, that they have written many, many angry forum posts.
Heavy. Death Star heavy.
And so, like a small boy who is tired of being shouted at by his parents, George Lucas has announced that Star Wars is being killed off, forever.
Only America could host the idea of having a commercial about a commercial. And that’s exactly what VW have done in the build-up to the Super Bowl, which of course, is more of a marketing showreel than an actual sporting event.
Hell. American Football is barely a sport in itself. Ostensibly, it’s two teams of androids running at each other screaming. What’s not to like?
Anyway, the commercial about a commercial features a squad of dogs all in Star Wars garb and? together, they sing a very familiar tune. Click over the jump to watch it. And no, we’re not getting paid for this.
William Shatner – or, The Shat, as we like to call him -? is a fine, fine man. We say ‘fine’. We actually mean ‘like watching an endless loop of terrible car wrecks, limbs flying through the air’.
Right? Right.
The Shat is prone to opening his mouth and not thinking too much about what tumbles out. That’s why he’s so fun. And when he does think about it for a second, it usually translates into the most hilariously earnest acting you’ve ever seen. That doesn’t stop him from judging other people’s work. Hell no. Why would it? Now, he’s sticking the boot into Star Wars. It’s Star Wars versus Star Trek!
George Lucas has got everyone thinking about Star Wars again, what with him re-releasing it for the millionth time and, better yet, still tinkering around with it in a bid to utterly infuriate absolutely everyone who loves the films.
Well done George.
So while Lucas meddles, we fiddle. This means we started thinking about the hottest gals from the Star Wars films. When we kicked our measly brains into gear, it transpired that there aren’t too many girls in the Star Wars universe. So who with excite our spaceballs?
Star Wars, great as it is, is by no means perfect. There’s loads of mistakes in it which are really, quite unacceptable. How can you have a masterpiece with a Stormtrooper smacking his head against a beam?
And so, George Lucas is our saviour, here to iron out all these imperfections and make the film as good as it could be.
His latest move is to take a scene that’s bugged us for ages – the death of Emperor Palpatine – and make it vastly superior by getting Darth Vader to actually emote, rather than stand there like some useless work experience lump in a mobile phone shop.
George Lucas must have more dead horses on his Skywalker ranch than the stables after the Grand National.
How else could he keep flogging them?
Not content with ruining his own credibility with the Star Wars prequel trilogy and Indiana Jones vs the Aliens, Lucas has announced that he has 2 series worth of scripts ready for his new live action Star Wars TV show.
When Jar-Jar Binks ran roughshod over the dreams of a generation, few people realised that Star Wars creator George Lucas wasn?t just taking a massive CGI turd in the bedside slippers of their collective nostalgia.
He was also using him to send the ?apocalyptic warning in the headline.
The neckless sci-fi titan apparently believes that the world will end in the year 2012. At least that's according to, ahem, comedian/actor Seth Rogan.
Hecklerspray is still waiting for a Howard the Duck prequel, but alas, it never arrives. What has George Lucas got against a cigar smoking Anatidae? We want to see the story where Tim Robbins cries at his agent for casting him in such a terrible, terrible film!
Anyway, it’s obvious that Lucas wants to suck the marrow right out of the bones of Star Wars and do very little else.
And we’re not talking about the new 3D versions of the Star Wars films either. Yes indeed! We’re all faced with the terrifying prospect of brand new films which will probably look entirely at the back story of Jar Jar Binks.
Thank God for the entertainment industry. They keep making new formats to peddle old crap to us. The CD saw everyone buying albums they already owned on a perfectly good format and now, we’ve been given the dubious treat of 3D movies, so we can sit through things we’ve seen a million times already. BUT IN 3D!
And so, with crashing certainty, George Lucas looks like he’s going to be rereleasing the Star Wars back catalogue in new 3D conversions, kicking off in 2012. No word on whether he’s going to give Howard the Duck the same reverential treatment.
Of course, these 3D versions have been muttered about for ages, but it seems that Lucas is happy enough to go ahead with the project now that there will be enough screens available to make the reissues a sizable event.
What do you do if you’ve created Star Wars, made loads of money, disappointed everyone with Jar Jar Binks, tied up all the loose-ends of the Skywalker family and tried to forget all about Howard the Duck?
Well, if you’re George Lucas- which you’re not – you decide to make a Star Wars TV show…? no, not ’80s cartoon Droids or recent effort, Clone Wars, but a proper live-action thing with loads of CGI.
Lucas announced his intention to produce a programme set between the events of Revenge Of The Sith and A New Hope back in 2005. However, things aren’t quite going to plan.
