Ringo Starr, quite possibly still going around warning everyone with ‘peace and love’, is opening and closing his mouth again, letting words tumble out and reminding everyone that he once provided the voice for Thomas The Tank Engine and friends.
He’s also nattering about his famous chum, Sir Paul McCartney.
Apparently, the 10th best drummer in The Beatles (after John Lennon, Sir Macca, George Harrison, George Martin, Billy Preston, Pete Best, Stuart Sutcliffe, Yoko Ono, Astrid Kirchherr and that arhythmic dripping tap in studio 2 of Abbey Road) is still in close contact with the only useful living member of the Fab Four.
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Guitarists are all idiots. Every single one of them. They’re the ones who think they’re the heart of a band, resentful that the singer gets all the sex, the bassist gets all the cool fans and envious of the drummer because… okay, they’re not jealous of drummers at all.
Of course, as writers are prone to making pointless lists, Rolling Stone magazine have decided that the world needs another Greatest Guitarists Ever list.
As ever, there isn’t one name in the top 10 that will surprise you because these lists are always gleaned from the same old axe-wielding losers. Naturally, we’ll be proffering people who are far more worthy.
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Argue all you want, but there’s absolutely no denying that George Harrison is the coolest of The Beatles. John and Paul fought it out for best songwriter while George slid into effortless cool, taking it easy and releasing records as and when he pleased.
How cool was George? He faced everything with a shrug. The Quiet Beatle wrote in his diary in ’69: “Got up went to Twickenham rehearsed until lunchtime — left the Beatles — went home, and in the evening did King of Fuh at Trident studio, had chips later.”
And so, with Martin Scorsese’s documentary ‘George Harrison: Living in the Material World’ getting everyone talking about George, let us look at his best music… okay?
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Since John and George died, there’s been something of a tussle over who can be the funniest remaining Beatle. Paul McCartney is just too wacky to be properly funny, so that means, by default, Ringo gets the crown, right?
Well, sadly for Ringo, he seems to be suffering from an onset on dementia.
Of course, our Ring’ became something of a laughing stock when he warned us all with ‘peace and love’ not to send him any more gifts (how can anyone top those paintings Marge Simpson did of him?). Then he went and vaguely slagged off Liverpool. He’s priceless isn’t he? Well, now he’s slagging Paul McCartney off. Next, we assume he’ll be pissing on Lennon’s grave.
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When Hecklerspray finally leaves this mortal realm it’ll probably be in a hail of gunfire as we bravely rescue babies from poor people who can’t afford them anyway.
Strange they could afford all those bullets though.
Still, don’t call us heroes. It’s not anything you wouldn’t do if put in the same situation. Unless of course you wouldn’t – in which case we’d be totally fine with the ‘hero’ tag. In fact, you can even build us a monument.
Get us one better than George Harrison‘s though, won’t you? We couldn’t bear to see our sweet memory trampled so callously under-foot.
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