Proper news organisations have all sorts of grown up codes and practices. So imagine if they were having a slow news day and had to report on less important articles like Lee Ryan? We imagine that a piece about one of life’s biggest blips would go along the lines of saying; “Lee Ryan, bad boy of pop band Blue has been living up to his reputation of causing chaos on a night out on the town.”
But here at the hecklerspray hole, we know that Lee Ryan has never had a credible reputation as a popstar or as a hard man. A yoghurt that’s gone a day past its expiry date poses more of a threat.
However, our number one bruv has been in bother with the authorities before. A few years ago, he was fined £500 after attacking a taxi driver following a crash in Surrey. Maybe our Lee’s given up on singing and is now imitating superheroes by getting involved in brawls, but not saving anyone. This particular epic struggle took place at his birthday party in June.
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The Eurovision has been and gone, with an immediately forgettable song from Azerbaijan winning, leaving the controller of AzTV absolutely shitting his pants at the prospect of hosting one of the most prestigious shows in the calendar.
More forgettable that the winning song… which was called… uh… um… whatever it was, is ‘I Can’ by Blue which, in hindsight, should have been called ‘We Won’t’.
Of course, the collective egos in Blue won’t be able to process what happened on the night. They’re still wrapped in their little bubble that tells them that, if they hit a high note or two and flash some pectoral muscles, they’ll be met with unswerving praise, like they’ve just found the cure for every illness in history. Alas, they finished mid-table and are now filed under ‘flop’.
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When PR people tout their products to us, we’re often told that “it’s the film or album of the year,” this is quite a statement considering we get sent this claims every day of the year. However, we can categorically say that Lee Ryan of terrible manband Blue has given the quote of the year.
Bless poor Lee and his supermarket own brand socks. Out of all the members of Blue, he was meant to be the cute and adorable member. Sadly, he has an expression permanently glued to his face that resembles a rabbit that’s about to get squished by a lorry.
Lee’s job is to emit some high pitched squeals and yelps and do nothing more. Sadly, the cogs in his brain don’t quite turn properly and when he does speak his mind, utter drivel comes out. But we’ve got it all wrong according to Lee.
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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.
Throughout time there have been several horses that could correctly complete mathematical equations. Not only that, but some of these horses could read, write – even play music. The first to do it – a stallion named Hans – was laughed off after study. It was commonly accepted that his owner had given him visual cues to correctly answer.
But when said owner died, the problem solving continued.
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Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable. Throughout time there have been several horses that could correctly complete mathematical equations. Not only that, but some of these [...]
If you were to grab hold of any OAP and say: “excuse me, OAP, but could you please give me your opinions on how the youth of today treat the English language†then that OAP will immediately reply “kids these days…lost all respect for the fine traditions of our proud language that was so lovingly leant to us by our Queen – it’s bloody disgusting!â€
Before turning their attentions back to Deal or No Deal and falling asleep for the rest of the week. Bless ‘em.
And maybe they’re on to something. We have Jessica Simpson describing Scarlett Johansson as unbelievably talented; we have uneducated bloggers posting showbiz articles that infuriate the intense-grammar-loving public of America; and now the word ‘genius’ – once saved for people like Newton, Darwin, Einstein and Darren Anderton – has been used to describe Paris bloody Hilton.
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