Gene Simmons - HecklerSpray

La Toya Jackson To Perform At Michael Tribute, Despite Immense Crassness

September 30th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson’s Misery Concert Of Cash Cowdery And Crassery (or: Michael Forever Tribute) is going ahead next weekend in Cardiff, despite the fact that absolutely no-one from Michael’s family wants it to go ahead, for fear of distracting everyone from the trial of Dr Conrad Murray.

Wait. What’s that?

Sorry, nearly everyone in the Jackson family doesn’t want it to go ahead. So who is letting the side down and letting money come first? It couldn’t be anyone else! That’s right! It’s La Toya Jackson and she’s going to actually perform at the show too! What a gasping idiot.

Michael Jackson Concert Now Contains Fearne Cotton – It's What He Would Have Wanted

September 29th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Over in America, Dr. Conrad Murray is being accused of administrating some mental sounding drugs into Michael Jackson and causing him to carry out his last boogie.

However, it isn't just the remaining members of the Jacksons that he has to prove his innocence to. The singer?s children also want answers and then, we have the fans that all seem to have been touched by Michael in their own special way.

The Moonwalking For Justice trial is expected to last for months, but this hasn't stopped a cultish gathering of Jackofans to gather in Cardiff on Saturday 8th August. There, the king of pop’s life will be celebrated whilst a man is still being tried. With both events happening at the same time, some say it's a bit sickening. But hey, they?ll be mincing their words now. After all, the gig has been injected with totally mad and uber kewl Fearne Cotton. Who wouldn't want to go?

Michael Jackson Jurors Selected In The Dr. Conrad Murray Moonwalking For Justice Trial

September 26th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, roll up for what promises to be the greatest court case spectacle that the world has ever seen!

In the UK, we only get hastily sketched drawings of court proceedings, sometimes making us think that cartoon characters actually carry out heinous crimes. But in America, good old fashioned family time can be spent watching an alleged murderer on TV! AMAZING!

we're not sure if the court case brought against Dr. Conrad Murray will suffer a similar fate, but after endless delays and arguments, the trial is set to go ahead. No doubt it'll drag on forever and the eventual outcome will be appealed, but for now, everything is running correctly. One of the most difficult tasks was the jury selection process and, after months of screening potential jurors, twelve have been selected. Are there any questionable doubts? Of course there are, stupid. It is a Michael Jackson trial after all.

Jermaine Makes A Pretty Penny While Accusing Everyone Of Milking Michael Jackson’s Death

September 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Michael Jackson’s death may well be very sad for those who still bought his albums post-Dangerous (yes, these people actually exist), but it hasn’t been all bad news for the world.

You see, like deep sea creatures gorging on the carcass of a dead whale, Michael Jackson’s cadaver has created something of a cottage industry, where everyone is making a nice living out of an injection of Propofol.

And one person doing very well out of Michael’s death is Jermaine Jackson who, ironically enough, is paying his mortgage by scalding everyone who is making money out of Michael’s deathly mishap.

Michael Jackson In Bahrain Escape Plot If Found Guilty Of Fiddling With Knobs That Weren?t His

September 12th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

The only people counting down the days to the Michael Jackson ‘Moonwalking For Justice’ manslaughter trial, are members of his immediate family and his slightly psychotic followers.

Oh, how we look forward to seeing scores of Jackson fans with badly scrawled banners, candlelit shrines and people walking around in monkey costumes.

And poor ol’ Dr. Conrad Murray – who's accused of administrating the lethal drugs that caused Michael Jackson to go in to cardiac arrest – has a few hurdles to mount before the trial even begins.

Kiss’ Gene Simmons To Finally Take His Gigantic Tongue Down The Aisle

September 2nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Gene Simmons is a man who says he loves women folk, but you get the distinct impression that he actually hates them. Or, worse still, is afraid of them. That’s why he’s always unfurling that gigantic tongue of his at them.

As an aside, it’s hard to picture what went on when he bunked up with Diana Ross. She so slight that you can imagine he wore her like a glove puppet on his monstrous mouth piece.

Either way, all that’s behind him now as he’s all set to make an honest man of himself and marry his fiance of three decades, Shannon Tweed.

Beyonce To Perform At Michael Jackson Tribute Well Away From His Mental Fans

August 22nd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

We’re a little obsessed with Michael Jackson here in the ‘spray hole. Well we would wouldn’t we? He’s fascinatingly odd. We could stare at his gargoyle face all day long. Y’know, that one that didn’t change at all in the 40-odd years he hobbled around this poor planet.

His behaviour was like a particularly odd drama too. It was both hilarious and hugely upsetting. What a strange chap he was. And strikingly, it’s the weird that was picked up by his fans. Sure, they couldn’t ever hope to match his talent, but they sure could act like reserved lunatics. That’s definitely attainable.

Of course, these fancy-dress, groin-grabbing goons give sensible people the eebie-jeebies, and not exempt from that is Beyonce, who is happy to perform at the upcoming Michael Jackson tribute concert, provided its nowhere near those wide-eyed evangelical Jacksonites. She’s going to perform from the safety of a satellite link-up. Smart girl.

Justice For Michael Jackson Rally Planned In Erm?Oxford?

August 22nd, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Ding dong the witch is dead sang the Munchkins in the Wizard of Oz when their evil overload melted to death. We don't know if any of the alleged victims of the Michael Jackson touching-up trial sang anything along those lines, but it's genuine fact that Jackson fans consoled themselves via mass weeping sessions, crotch touching and high pitched squeal offs with each other when their hero died.

It's been well documented that Michael Jackson died after going into cardiac arrest in June 2009. Like most daytime TV adverts, there was a blame for how Jackson died, but nobody has yet claimed exactly how.

As it stands, Jackson fanatics are pointing the finger at Dr. Conrad Murray who was appointed as his personal doctor, feeding him all sorts of fun drugs. After what seems forever, a trial has been set for late September where Murray will have to prove his innocence against a jury and protesting Michael Jackson fans around the world, including Inspector Morseland, Oxford.

The Story Of The Michael Jackson Tribute Gig And Kiss Calling Him A Nonce

August 17th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Moon walking. That's what the slightly deluded, psychotic and mentally challenged Michael Jackson fans will be doing at his tribute show in early October, whilst frothing at the mouth.

However, it does seem slightly strange that Jackson’s followers will gather in Cardiff?s Millennium Stadium whilst alleged manslaughterer Dr. Conrad Murray faces trial. According to you lot, he didn't give Michael a lollipop after his visit to the doctors, just a cocktail of lethal drugs.

In the society we live in, people have all sorts of opinions on Michael Jackson. Sure, he made some semi-decent records, but we like to remember him as the man whose face literally looked like it had been freshly moulded each morning by a child with thumb-hands. We can say that because free society allows us to speak our minds. Just like the time Gene Simmons of Kiss thought out-loud that Michael Jackson was one of those paedophile types. Nice to see him rewarded with a slot at the Cardiff at the tribute show then. That won’t be awkward will it?

KISS Still Too Crap For Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame

December 16th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

The Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame is, as everyone knows, a hallowed place reserved only for those who rock the hardest.

You know, like Abba. And Genesis. Those cats are responsible for more melted speakers and blown minds than you could ever hope to count. Why, remember the time when Phil Collins bit the head off a Yorkshire terrier during the second chorus of I Can’t Dance onstage that time? Or when the beardy one out of Abba broke away from the middle eight of Dancing Queen to carve the word ‘HATE’ into his bare chest with a broken jam jar?

That’s why both Genesis and Abba will be inducted into the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame next year. And that’s why KISS won’t be, the cat-faced bellends.