Up until now we thought that the creepiest thing about Quantum Of Solace was its title – three words so pointless it may as well be called Acorn Of Bum.
But that’s obviously not the case at all – it turns out that the creepiest thing about Quantum Of Solace is that Bond girl Gemma Arterton was born with six fingers on each hand, but presumably had the extra ones snipped off when she was a baby.
It’s a bit grim, but we love the fact that Gemma Arterton chose to reveal her genetic disfigurement as a way of promoting Quantum Of Solace. We sorely hope this marketing technique catches on, because we’d definitely go and see the new Harry Potter movie if Ron Weasley suddenly decides to tell everyone that he’s got 15 testicles and unusually long forearms.
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The new James Bond movie Quantum Of Solace is heading towards us at light speed, and spoilers are coming thick and fast.
For instance, we already know that the Quantum Of Solace theme-tune sounds a bit like a wasp farting through a megaphone, and that Quantum Of Solace has a trailer that’s basically kangaroo boxing for the A.D.D set, but what about the biggest spoiler of all – what will the initial Bond girl get covered with and die this time?
And now we know. Thanks to this exclusive photo from The Mail On Sunday, we can conclusively state that Gemma Arterton, the Bond girl from the first part of Quantum Of Solace, dies because she gets covered in oil.
Ah, you see – it’s a visual nod to the iconic moment in Goldfinger when Jill Masterson gets covered in gold and dies. Because, obviously, back in the 1960s gold was one of the world’s most valuable resources whereas now it’s oil. Personally we can’t wait until the great food shortage of 2034, when we’ll get to see a Bond girl die because she’s covered in bacon and Chunky Kit-Kats.
Anyway, what other spoilers can we glean from this picture? We’ve had some ideas:
1 - Quantum Of Solace revolves around the tragic moment when a leaking tanker mistakes Gemma Arterton with a gannet.
2 - The baddie in Quantum Of Solace is an out-of-control ice cream man and, after he covers Arterton in chocolate sauce, his next victims are in turn suffocated with hundreds and thousands and battered over the head with a Mivvi.
3 - That’s actually not oil or chocolate sauce, but Gemma Arterton has simply been blacked up and actually Quantum Of Solace is quite racist.
Whichever one happens to be true, it’s good to see that the Daniel Craig Bond films are just as bravely forward-looking as they promised. Ahem.
Read more:
The Bond Homage - Mail
The new James Bond movie Quantum Of Solace is heading towards us at light speed, and spoilers are coming thick and fast.
For instance, we already know that the Quantum Of Solace theme-tune sounds a bit like a wasp farting through a megaphone, and that Quantum Of Solace has a trailer that's basically kangaroo boxing for the A.D.D set, but what about the biggest spoiler of all - what will the initial Bond girl get covered with and die this time?
And now we know. Thanks to this exclusive photo from The Mail On Sunday, we can conclusively state that Gemma Arterton, the Bond girl from the first part of Quantum Of Solace, dies because she gets covered in oil.
Ah, you see - it's a visual nod to the iconic moment in Goldfinger when Jill Masterson gets covered in gold and dies. Because, obviously, back in the 1960s gold was one of the world's most valuable resources whereas now it's oil. Personally we can't wait until the great food shortage of 2034, when we'll get to see a Bond girl die because she's covered in bacon and Chunky Kit-Kats.
Anyway, what other spoilers can we glean from this picture? We've had some ideas:
1 - Quantum Of Solace revolves around the tragic moment when a leaking tanker mistakes Gemma Arterton with a gannet.
2 - The baddie in Quantum Of Solace is an out-of-control ice cream man and, after he covers Arterton in chocolate sauce, his next victims are in turn suffocated with hundreds and thousands and battered over the head with a Mivvi.
3 - That's actually not oil or chocolate sauce, but Gemma Arterton has simply been blacked up and actually Quantum Of Solace is quite racist.
Whichever one happens to be true, it's good to see that the Daniel Craig Bond films are just as bravely forward-looking as they promised. Ahem.
Read more:
The Bond Homage - Mail
