Posts tagged as:

gay

Some Book: John Lennon Lusted After Bandmates And His Own Mother

by Shawn Lindseth

Good news everybody. John Lennon wasn’t gay, and he never once longed for a fleshy-fencing match with Paul McCartney, if you catch our meaning. This is new information recently come to light due to some guy’s brand new money-grubbing book. Well, actually the reverse information came out in his book, meaning of course that tucked [...]

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Sorry Girls, George Takei Is Off The Market

by Stuart Heritage

Ladies, we know that when someone’s making love to you, you’re really fantasising about George Takei – but it’s too late.

That’s because, ladies, we’re sorry to admit that George Takei has got married. Your dreams of Mr Sulu appearing at your doorstep on a white steed to whisk you away to a life on unparalleled luxury are worthless now, because this weekend George Takei got married to a very lucky lady by the name of Brad Altman.

Huh, Brad Altman. That’s a funny and oddly-masculine name for a lady to have. In fact, looking at George Takei’s wedding pictures, his new wife bears an uncanny resemblance to a balding grey-haired man in his mid-fifties. Poor woman. Still, she must be great in the sack to snag a pussy-magnet like George Takei, so who are we to judge.

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Lindsay Lohan This Close To Marrying Samantha Ronson, Maybe

by Stuart Heritage

There used to be a time when Lindsay Lohan only loved booze, drugs, sex, partial nudity and films about winking Volkswagens, but not any more.

Now it seems like Lindsay Lohan has found the love of her life – a boy-haired DJ called Samantha Ronson. For the past however many months, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have been completely inseparable, going to events together, falling out of clubs together, slagging off Lindsay Lohan’s dad together – and now it looks like they want to make their union official.

That’s right, according to reports Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson could be getting married in the next few months. Let’s just pray that they don’t accidentally release a Pammy & Tommy-style honeymoon sex video. Not because lesbian sex repulses us, you understand, but because we’ve seen Lindsay Lohan naked so many times in the last few years that one more glimpse of her ginger knockers will probably send us into a deep narcoleptic coma that we’ll never recover from.

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Lindsay Lohan’s Dad Won’t Take Her up the Aisle

by Ian Dransfield

She may have officially become one of the world’s dullest people, not bothering to get into even the most minor of mishaps, but we’re still sticking with the girl. Because we like Lindsay Lohan – how could we not? She’s given us so much entertainment, so many words to write and so much vitriolic rage [...]

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Lindsay Lohan Kills Off Any Chance of Her Being Interesting Again With Gay Wedding

by Ian Dransfield

Well she’s finally gone and done it – at one time she was one of hecklerspray’s mainstays, attracting thousands through our doors with the mere mention of her name. Now she never does anything exciting – never gets her bits out after a night on the lash (or even intentionally), never gets into public spats [...]

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Pete Wentz Used To Have A Gay Old Time

by Matthew Laidlow

If you’ve ever been to a wedding, or seen one on the TV, or in a film, or read about them, or just, well, know anything about them at all, you’ll know that before the happy couple can be officially married the priest will say: “If anyone knows reasons why these two can’t be wed, [...]

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Mr Sulu To Gay-Marry Everyone, Or Just His Boyfriend Or Whatever

by Stuart Heritage

Everyone loves a good homemade honeymoon sex video that’s been leaked onto the internet, don’t they?

Which is why everyone should prepare themselves for the holy grail of honeymoon sex tapes. Or, to be more precise, the holy grail of honeymoon sex tapes featuring a 71-year-old Asian man humping his 54-year-old husband with every ounce of strength left in his feeble body. That’s right – George Takei fron Star Trek is getting married!

News of George Takei’s wedding comes hot on the heels of California overturning its ban on gay marriage. And, as happy as we are that George Takei can formalise a relationship he’s had for 21 years, maybe this new law will make it easier for other closeted gay actors to finally come out and stop living a lie. That’s right, Doogie Howser, we’re looking at you.

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Ellen & Portia To Sob About Puppies As Properly Married Couple

by Stuart Heritage

You know what’s hotter than lesbian sex? Lesbian sex rendered listless and infrequent by marriage!

And it turns out that’s exactly what Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will soon get to experience for themselves because – thanks to California overturning its ban on gay marriage – Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossie are totally getting married.

With the door opened for gay marriages in Hollywood, no doubt Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi will want to be among the first lesbians to formalise their civil partnership. Because that way they’ll exponentially increase the chances of being the first lesbians to undertake a messy, bitterness-filled girl-on-girl celebrity divorce. We can’t wait!

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Michelle Rodriguez Won’t Tell Us What She Puts In Her Vagina

by Stuart Heritage

Michelle Rodriguez: gay or straight? That’s probably the question that keeps you awake most at night, admit it.

Ah, who are we kidding? There isn’t a soul on the face of the planet who really gives very much of a sniff about Michelle Rodriguez’s sexuality at all. Apart from Michelle Rodriguez, that is. She just refuses to ever bloody shut up about it. And, for your information, Michelle Rodriguez is keeping it a secret. She says “If I wanna fuck a girl, a boy, a dog, that’s my business.”

Oh my god, Michelle Rodriguez totally fucks dogs.

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God Hates Heath Ledger, Apparently

by Paul Sorrenti

Remember that show Louis Theroux did with the charming folk of the Westboro Baptist Church, you know – the ones who picketed funerals of servicemen in Iraq and people who died of AiDS? Well, guess who’s gonna gatecrash Heath Ledger’s funeral?

You see, Heath Ledger starred in Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain as a gay man. And so, the Church (who, it must be said, do not represent the views of the Christian majority) have released a statement:

“Heath Ledger thought it was great fun defying God Almighty. [He] is now in Hell and has begun serving his eternal sentence there.”

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