Posts tagged as:

gay

Jedward Take Celibacy Vow Which Is Probably For The Best

by Michael Park

White cliffs of Dover-haired, auto-tune fiends John and Edward have taken the time to point out the cripplingly obvious fact they must be celibate. ‘Jedward’ who, until recently, were conjoined twins connected by the vocal chords have stated in an interview that they have taken a vow of celibacy. Members of their female fan base, the [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Joe Jonas Is Not Gay And Has Split Up With Ashley Greene (Cue Slurs)

by Mof Gimmers

Joe Jonas and Ashley Greene have, crushingly, called time on their romance. What will us plebs aspire to now in matters of the heart. For here, we lie jaded, broken and listlessly twitching on our knees, wondering if true love even exists anymore. It is gone, blown away on a cruel, tender breeze along with [...]

0 comments Read more >>>

Mariah Carey Isn’t Bisexual, Not That Anyone Thought She Was In The First Place

by Mof Gimmers

When you think of Mariah Carey, what words flash across your stupid little brains? She’s mental? She’s completely divorced from the real world? She doesn’t half overcook the histrionics when a simple melody would do the trick? That you like her rack? Well, apparently, the entire world has been suggesting that she’s bisexual. That’s right. [...]

1 comment Read more >>>

Woman We Barely Know Marginally Gayer Than We Assumed

by Stuart Heritage

Know Wanda Sykes? She’s gay. Don’t know Wanda Sykes? Wanda Sykes is gay. Know that Wanda Sykes is gay? There’s nothing for you here.

But, yes, Wanda Sykes is gay. Sykes came out this weekend at a gay rally in Las Vegas this weekend, possibly as a reaction to news that Proposition 8 was supposedly voted through on the African American vote, or possibly just because Wanda Sykes knows that California’s lawmakers are huge fans of her films Evan Almighty and My Super-Ex Girlfriend and thought she could influence them by being gay.

But let’s look at the big picture here – Wanda Sykes is gay. That means we’re either going to have to strike her off our list of potential wives or grow a vagina. And, since we quite liked Wanda Sykes’ voice work on Brother Bear 2, it looks like we’ll be spending the next few months with our willy in a propagator, willing it to develop a labia or something. We don’t really know how it works.

Know Wanda Sykes? She's gay. Don't know Wanda Sykes? Wanda Sykes is gay. Know that Wanda Sykes is gay? There's nothing for you here. But, yes, Wanda Sykes is gay. Sykes came out this weekend at a gay rally in Las Vegas this weekend, possibly as a reaction to news that Proposition 8 was supposedly voted through on the African American vote, or possibly just because Wanda Sykes knows that California's lawmakers are huge fans of her films Evan Almighty and My Super-Ex Girlfriend and thought she could influence them by being gay. But let's look at the big picture here - Wanda Sykes is gay. That means we're either going to have to strike her off our list of potential wives or grow a vagina. And, since we quite liked Wanda Sykes' voice work on Brother Bear 2, it looks like we'll be spending the next few months with our willy in a propagator, willing it to develop a labia or something. We don't really know how it works.
8 comments Read more >>>

Grey’s Anatomy Blunders Into Another Big Gay Kerfuffle

by Stuart Heritage

Every TV show has its weakness – for 24 it’s believability, for Heroes it’s how rubbish it is and for Grey’s Anatomy it’s homosexuality.

Having just clawed its way out of the last gayness-related snafu it managed to stagger into, Grey’s Anatomy has inexplicably managed to slam into another one by ditching a lesbian love plot midway through, firing one of the actresses involved and fixing the other one up so that she isn’t gay any more.

What is it with Grey’s Anatomy? It’s almost as if it wants all gay people to stop watching it. And if that happened it’d probably be the end of Grey’s Anatomy, because its remaining audience demographics – the elderly, the bed-bound, the narcoleptic and the stupid – don’t really play as well with advertisers.

0 comments Read more >>>

Steven Spielberg: ‘Hey, I Like The Gays Too’

by Stuart Heritage

Steven Spielberg loves his causes. The International Industry Foundation, Starlight, Beards For Babies, Tennis For Tortoises – the list goes on.

And Steven Spielberg has a lot to thank the gay community for – it’s a scientific fact that the only people who’ve actually paid to see a Steven Spielberg film in the last five years are gay, whether they’ll admit it to themselves or not.

So it goes without saying that Steven Spielberg was only too happy to financially support the fight against Proposition 8, the amendment to California law that will ban the recently unbanned act of gay marriage. Spielberg has donated $100,000 to the cause. If it succeeds, every gay couple in California will be lining up to thank Steven Spielberg for his time and support. And if he fails, at least he’ll be able to say he tried. Either way – cocktails!

Steven Spielberg loves his causes. The International Industry Foundation, Starlight, Beards For Babies, Tennis For Tortoises - the list goes on. And Steven Spielberg has a lot to thank the gay community for - it's a scientific fact that the only people who've actually paid to see a Steven Spielberg film in the last five years are gay, whether they'll admit it to themselves or not. So it goes without saying that Steven Spielberg was only too happy to financially support the fight against Proposition 8, the amendment to California law that will ban the recently unbanned act of gay marriage. Spielberg has donated $100,000 to the cause. If it succeeds, every gay couple in California will be lining up to thank Steven Spielberg for his time and support. And if he fails, at least he'll be able to say he tried. Either way - cocktails!
1 comment Read more >>>

Don’t Worry Clay Aiken, Rosie O’Donnell Loves You

by Stuart Heritage

Now that Clay Aiken has decided to announce he’s openly gay, his life is bound to change in many exciting and scary ways.

For example, Clay Aiken might find himself starting to enjoy the music of Bette Midler more that he did before, and there’ll be moments when he finds the movie Mamma Mia genuinely touching rather than tacky and bad. But most of all, Clay Aiken will find himself at the centre of a Rosie O’Donnell statement.

In fact, Clay Aiken already has. In a brief statement given hours after it emerged that Clay Aiken was gay, Rosie O’Donnell told the world that she ‘loves’ Clay. Oh Rosie – Clay Aiken isn’t going to love you back, you know. He’s gay now, and that means he doesn’t like women. But don’t worry Rosie O’Donnell, you’ll find a good man one of these days.

0 comments Read more >>>

Wait A Minute, Lindsay Lohan Is GAY?!

by Stuart Heritage

You know that girl who Lindsay Lohan keeps traipsing around hand in hand with, the one widely regarded by everyone to be her girlfriend?

Well, guess what? She is Lindsay Lohan’s girlfriend. Sort of. We think. In a telephone interview with a radio station on Monday, Lindsay Lohan explained that she had been going out with Samantha Ronson “for a very long time” – the closest she’s ever come to publicly admitting a lesbian relationship.

Goodness. First Clay Aiken and now Lindsay Lohan. Today really seems to be the day for admitting long-kept secrets about your sexuality. And, thanks to this spirit of openness, we’ve decided that it’s our turn too – Mum, Dad, we only get aroused by watching pregnant midget lesbian poo porn. But only if one of the midgets is an amputee and the other one is dressed like Ringo Starr as the Pope from Lisztomania.

Too much?

You know that girl who Lindsay Lohan keeps traipsing around hand in hand with, the one widely regarded by everyone to be her girlfriend? Well, guess what? She is Lindsay Lohan's girlfriend. Sort of. We think. In a telephone interview with a radio station on Monday, Lindsay Lohan explained that she had been going out with Samantha Ronson "for a very long time" - the closest she's ever come to publicly admitting a lesbian relationship. Goodness. First Clay Aiken and now Lindsay Lohan. Today really seems to be the day for admitting long-kept secrets about your sexuality. And, thanks to this spirit of openness, we've decided that it's our turn too - Mum, Dad, we only get aroused by watching pregnant midget lesbian poo porn. But only if one of the midgets is an amputee and the other one is dressed like Ringo Starr as the Pope from Lisztomania. Too much?
0 comments Read more >>>

Wait A Minute, Clay Aiken Is GAY?!

by Stuart Heritage

You might want to sit down for this. Clay Aiken – the gay one from American Idol who everyone thought was gay – is actually gay.

We know. We were staggered as well. The news about Clay Aiken being gay broke after a cover of the next issue of People was leaked to the press, featuring a gay-looking Clay Aiken and the headline ‘Yes, I’m Gay’. Clay Aiken’s blindsiding admission is just the latest shocking scoop that People has scored, following last month’s ‘The Pope: Hey, I’m A Catholic’ and ‘A Bear: Yes, I Just Did A Poo In The Woods Over There.’

It was undoubtedly a very brave thing Clay Aiken to do – to reveal his true sexuality after so many years of hiding it from the public – but he shouldn’t have worried. Because whatever sexuality Clay Aiken happens to be, gay or straight, we still won’t really know who he is. And isn’t that the most important thing?

You might want to sit down for this. Clay Aiken - the gay one from American Idol who everyone thought was gay - is actually gay. We know. We were staggered as well. The news about Clay Aiken being gay broke after a cover of the next issue of People was leaked to the press, featuring a gay-looking Clay Aiken and the headline 'Yes, I'm Gay'. Clay Aiken's blindsiding admission is just the latest shocking scoop that People has scored, following last month's 'The Pope: Hey, I'm A Catholic' and 'A Bear: Yes, I Just Did A Poo In The Woods Over There.' It was undoubtedly a very brave thing Clay Aiken to do - to reveal his true sexuality after so many years of hiding it from the public - but he shouldn't have worried. Because whatever sexuality Clay Aiken happens to be, gay or straight, we still won't really know who he is. And isn't that the most important thing?
12 comments Read more >>>

Brad Pitt Hurls All His Money At The Gays

by Stuart Heritage

Brad Pitt is a gay-friendly actor, partly because of his understanding and support of the gay community, and partly because he got his bum out in Troy.

And now the gay community needs Brad Pitt more than ever. Remember how the gay marriage ban was overturned in California recently? Well, that might be overturned soon, and the gay community is worried about the proposed overturn of the overturn. That’s why Brad Pitt has donated $100,000 to fight the overturn. Not because he’s sensitive to gay issues, but because he’s sick of everyone saying the word ‘overturn’ all the poxy time.

So, having fixed Africa, New Orleans and now civil unions between homosexuals, Brad Pitt can move onto tackling his most serious issue yet – the way that sometimes you buy a CD and the teeth that are supposed to hold the CD in place have broken and the CD slides about all over the place. We’re with you all the way, Brad.

Brad Pitt is a gay-friendly actor, partly because of his understanding and support of the gay community, and partly because he got his bum out in Troy. And now the gay community needs Brad Pitt more than ever. Remember how the gay marriage ban was overturned in California recently? Well, that might be overturned soon, and the gay community is worried about the proposed overturn of the overturn. That's why Brad Pitt has donated $100,000 to fight the overturn. Not because he's sensitive to gay issues, but because he's sick of everyone saying the word 'overturn' all the poxy time. So, having fixed Africa, New Orleans and now civil unions between homosexuals, Brad Pitt can move onto tackling his most serious issue yet - the way that sometimes you buy a CD and the teeth that are supposed to hold the CD in place have broken and the CD slides about all over the place. We're with you all the way, Brad.
0 comments Read more >>>

← Previous Entries

Next Entries →