Middle-EastEnders is probably a big hit in the Islamic Republic of Iran…

The show’s writers traditionally shy away from the social taboos of go-karting, liking America or talking to women. The British however, have no such idea of tact and religious sensibility. Their version of the show often goes down like halal-packaged pork chops and recent developments in the East End will probably lead to nuclear winter.

BBC soap, EastEnders, plans to feature a gay Muslim, played by an actor who is possibly taking his life into his own hands.

Sharia Law aside, most sensible zealots will tell you that ‘God hates fags’, and Muslims are no exception. Punishable by death in most Islamic countries, homosexuality is definitely not a popular theme in Middle-Eastern soaps. But in Britain, we like to experiment.

New character, Syed Masood (played by actor Marc Elliot) will represent the gay Muslim minority when he shares a kiss with the openly gay Christian Clarke (John Partridge). This could be a big problem for his mother, Zainab (Nina Wadia), who is desperate to marry him off to a suitable woman. EastEnders has always sided with the underdog and Elliot’s controversial character represents a ‘visible minority’ in Britain.

Yusuf Wehebi of  Imaan, a support organisation for gay, lesbian and transgender Muslims said:

“It is entirely possible to be Muslim and gay and there’s many of us in Britain today. It is great that the BBC have had the courage to raise such an important social issue in our society.”

Traditional Muslims don’t seem to be happy on the other hand and accused EastEnders of jumping the gun with wacky Muslims who don’t quite fit the bill. Asghar Bokhari of the Muslim Public Affairs Committee criticised Elliot’s character, saying:

“There’s a lack of understanding of Muslims already and I think EastEnders really lost an opportunity to present a normal friendly Muslim character to the British public.”

Both are slightly missing the point, in our opinion. EastEnders is about a handful of cockneys getting pissed, generally talking rubbish and flaunting the trivial crap of their mundane lives. The show does not contain a moral message, and if it did, we’d all be married to ugly women and doing business in the pub. What’s important is that the show depicts what London really is: a modern Babylon, a weird and wonderful place where anything can happen and anyone can come together. Congrats to the producers for adding some flavour to the meat and potatoes of British television.

So everyone, here’s a moral message from us: Soaps aren’t political broadcasts – They’re fictional scenarios that generate cash. Gay Muslims do exist and British people aren’t that bothered. If you’re offended by everything you see on TV – go and find yourself a cave.

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