And we certainly can’t help you if you’re in an accident. We’re just gonna keep on driving, because Tom Cruise is really the only one that can really help. Just listen to his widely leaked Tom Cruise: Scientologist video that you weren’t supposed to see, and haven’t mirthfully shared with all of your friends.

But we can report on the inevitable fallout from said video. Today’s fallout involves the Church of Scientology’s legal team sending scary letters to Gawker Media because they first posted the video. Yay!

Actually, it’s one scary letter, and it’s not so much scary as it is your nana waving a knobby finger at you because you fed all of the stale circus peanut marshmallow candies to her teacup poodle.  

Nonetheless, lawyers representing the Church of Scientology have cited copyright infringement on Gawker Media, claiming that it was unlawful for the Gawker to distribute crazy Scientology videos that didn't belong to them. Here’s a snippet of the letter: 

“Our office represents the Church of Scientology International (“CSI”), the owner of the copyright of a video of a private CSI religious event filmed in 2004… we were recently notified by my client that this copyrighted work had been stolen from one of its Churches.” 

Gawker Media issued a return letter that pretty much said, ‘yeah, we did nothing wrong, so take a flying leap’, and do not appear to be complying with the request to remove the video anytime soon.   

Well, we’re taking a couple of things away from this. First, the video was made in 2004, which looks to be before Tom Cruise got his teeth fixed, making the video extra creepy. Second, we finally know what CSI stands for, and they hold their meetings in poorly lit rooms with blue lighting and get DNA test results in minutes and they can determine by analysing dust off a spec of mouse dung that the ex-manager’s best friend’s butcher killed the hooker. Fascinating.

Read more: 

Church of Scientology Claims Copyright Infringement – Gawker