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game

SLACKERJACK – Bomb It 2

by Stuart Heritage

Given that Bomberman is one of the best games ever, and the Bomberman rip-off Bomb It was one of our favourite-ever Slackerjacks, you can imagine the squeal of excitement we let out when we heard about Bomb It 2.

Sadly, though, that squeal of excitement quickly turned into a yelp of disappointment. Bomb It 2 is nowhere near as good as the original. For starters the backgrounds are horrible – so uniformly urine-pastelly that it’s hard to tell what’s what. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. With Bomb It, we played and played for weeks. Whereas we doubt we’ll even return to Bomb It 2 at all

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SLACKERJACK – Dodge Bubbles

by Stuart Heritage

Now this is more like it. Dodge Bubbles is a game where you’re a bubble and you have to dodge stuff. That’s it. There are obstacles, and you have to try and dodge them with your bubble. Bish bash bosh, everyone goes home happy.

Think of Dodge Bubbles as a kind of Frustration Lite – you guide an object around a maze and if you touch the sides you die. That’s it, but without any of Frustration’s annoying plunges into darkness or spinning around. There’s a tiny amount of difficulty that comes from the bubble itself – because it’s a bubble it doesn’t respond especially precisely to your movements – but that’s just what makes Dodge Bubbles what it is, which is quite fun.

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SLACKERJACK – Aether

by Stuart Heritage

Aether isn’t really a traditional Slackerjack. Then again, we’re not even sure if it qualifies as a real game. But it sure is pretty to look at. Let us explain…

Aether is the story of a lost little boy who finds a big round monster, and together they decide to explore space by catching onto clouds with their tongues and sort of swinging around until they land on other planets, where they have to solve all sorts of weirdly oblique puzzles. Play Aether as a game and you’ll probably end up blowing your brains out – but treat it as a comfy way to let your brain unclench and it’s actually not that bad.

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SLACKERJACK – 25 Differences

by Stuart Heritage

Everyone loves Spot The Difference games, don’t they? Everyone loves to be made a fool of because they have the observational skills of a plank of poo, don’t they? Just us?

Well here’s 25 Differences anyway. It’s a Spot The Difference game and there are 25 differences to find. We’re hopeless at this sort of thing because we’re obviously completely oblivious to everything that doesn’t involve a member of the Spears family, but have a go at 25 Differences anyway. It’s literally a Spot The Difference game.

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SLACKERJACK – Kagi Nochi Tobira

by Stuart Heritage

Since we don’t speak Japanese, we’re going to go ahead and guess that Kagi Nochi Tobira means ‘get a key and open the door’. If it isn’t, and it actually translates to a vile slur questioning your father’s virility, then we’re sorry. A bit.

But let’s just assume that Kagi Nochi Tobira is the key/door thing, because that’s what the game’s about. And it’s actually remarkably fiendish. All you need to do if search a room for a key, click the key and then click on the door. But when you come to actually play Kagi Nochi Tobira, you’ll find that rooms are dark, or that your cursor doesn’t work in them, or that the keys and doors are whizzing around the room too fast for you to click. Kagi Nochi Tobira, honestly, is ace.

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SLACKERJACK – Sushi Go Round

by Stuart Heritage

Forget what they tell you about all the giant parasites, sushi rules. And so what if it gives you giant parasites? It’s still delicious, even if you’ll grow a 12-metre worm in your gut as soon as you go near a bad bit.

Anyway. Today’s Slackerjack is Sushi Go Round, and it effing rocks. It’s one of those weird service industry sims, where you have to pretend you’ve got a financially and mentally-unfulfilling job, but don’t let that stop you playing it. Sushi Go Round is completely absorbing – you need to learn the recipe to each piece of sushi, then make it, then order more stock when you run out and then collect the plates, all while the customers sit there getting angrier and angrier. Best of all, if you don’t carry out each recipe precisely, you make a little turd. Excellent.

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SLACKERJACK – DeConstruction

by Stuart Heritage

What’s that? You want to play an online game all about the construction industry with no clear rules starring a robot with bizarre physics? OK!

Because as far as we can tell, that’s what DeConstruction really is. You play a little robot thing, and we think you have to use it to knockdown piles of girders. We think. DeConstruction isn’t helped by the way the robot occasionally goes and does weird little somersaults that you haven’t asked him to do, nor by the way we genuinely haven’t got a flipping clue what it’s even about. maybe you’ll do better.

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SLACKERJACK – Rotating Balls

by Stuart Heritage

As well as being perhaps the most painful chapter in the Karma Sutra, Rotating Balls is actually a pretty super little brain-teaser that’ll provide you with at least a few minutes of blinding rage.

Like Frustration, but less frustrating, Rotating Balls asks you to navigate your way around a maze with a mouse. However, Rotating Balls’ USP is that you have to control two balls that, yes, constantly rotate. That means that the narrower parts of the maze have to be dealt with quickly, cleanly and efficiently before the balls rotate round more and smack against the sides. We’ve explained Rotating Balls to you terribly – maybe it’s best if you just play it for yourself.

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SLACKERJACK – Shooting Star

by Stuart Heritage

This is more like it, a good old fashioned, blow everything up in sight, relentless shooting game. Shooting Star is basically a big slab of ridiculous fun.

Shooting Star is like the Easyjet of online gaming – just about every frill has been hacked off, but it gets you where you want to go and you have to pay for your food and, um, the legroom’s not great. This analogy’s crap. But give Shooting Star a crack anyway – you’ll be in for a right rip-roaring time. People do still say rip-roaring, right?

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SLACKERJACK – Bloons TD 3

by Stuart Heritage

If this is your first introduction to the world of Bloons, then maybe you think long and hard about what the internet is actually for. But if you’re a Bloons connoisseur, then do we have a treat for you.

It’s Bloons TD 3! You’ll know, of course, how the other Bloons TD games are just common or garden tower defence games, only much much better. But Bloons TD 3 is another big step forward – the upgrades are ferocious, the balloons themselves come in ever-more fiendishly elaborate packaging and – best of all – we actually completed it first time. Um, on easy. Goodness, Bloons TD 3 is wonderful.

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