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SLACKERJACK – Master Of The Secret Sea

by Stuart Heritage

Face it, everyone wants to be a pirate. Everyone in the world. It’s probably the boots. Or all the raping in the job description. No, it’s probably the boots.

Or, if you’re the sort of person who likes playing games like Master Of The Secret Sea, it’s all the maritime warfare you get to do. Master Of The Secret Sea is a sort of piratey sailing sim – one of those games where you have to slowly manoeuvre yourself into position to fire cannons at your opponent while doing your best to stop them doing the same to you. But that’s only the start. In fact, Master of the Secret Sea could even be described as absorbing, if we were feeling kind.

Play Master Of The Secret Sea now

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SLACKERJACK – Atomik Kaos

by Stuart Heritage

Despite having a deliberately misspelled name that surely belongs to a bloody boyband somewhere, Atomik Kaos is a super little game that you simply must play.

Atomik Kaos is one of those chain reaction games that you know and love – destroy all the balls by exploding one of the balls, you know the thing – but what we love about Atomik Kaos is all the balls have different properties, which makes for a much more varied game. Plus there’s something about making ugly people blind in it, which is always fun.

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SLACKERJACK – Ninja Glove

by Stuart Heritage

Ninja Glove! This is a game we could play for the rest of our lives. It’s amazing. You need to play Ninja Glove and you need to play it now. Now.

Ninja Glove is perhaps our favourite type of game – the minigame collection. There are 21 levels in all, and they come flying at you in a totally random order. Spell words, dodge asteroids, click boxed, dress men, play golf – these are the things that Ninja Glove asks of you. What’s more, you only have about five seconds to do each of them. Fast, frantic and absurdly fun, Ninja Glove has cheered up our otherwise tepid lives enormously.

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SLACKERJACK – Photo With Stars

by Stuart Heritage

Photo With Stars!

In Photo With Stars you pick your most fabulous outfit and then go and get your picture taken next to a celebrity! And that’s it! It’s not even a celebrity! It’s a slightly rubbish picture of one! LOL! Photo With Stars is an excellent game if you’re a girl OR a paedophile who gets off on looking at rubbish pictures of teen girls on nonspecific age in bad cartoon underwear. LOL! Bloody LOL!

Play Photo With Stars now

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SLACKERJACK – Loops Of Zen

by Stuart Heritage

Here’s a nice little brain-warmer for you – Loops Of Zen. And, yes, we know that because it’s got the word ‘Zen’ in the title it’s guaranteed to have a rubbishy ambientish soundtrack, but ignore that.

In Loops Of Zen, you need to click parts of the pattern to rotate them. You complete the level by making sure that there are no stray ends left anywhere. Hardly the most taxing thing you’ll do all day, but Loops Of Zen is still pretty decent nonetheless.

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SLACKERJACK: Colorpod 2: Dimensionpod

by Stuart Heritage

Colorpod2: Dimensionpod isn’t just the game that made the made the punctuation on our headline look sort of stupid – it’s also the sequel to Colorpod, as if you needed telling.

Remember Colorpod? It was essentially Asteroid, only you couldn’t move around and the asteroids didn’t break into pieces. And Colorpod 2: Dimensionpod looks like it’s more of the same. It might not be, because there was a long tutorial that we couldn’t be bothered to watch and that might have explained things differently. But play it if you like, anyway. Or don’t. We don’t care.

Play Colorpod 2: Dimensionpod now

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SLACKERJACK – Whiteboard TD

by Stuart Heritage

You’d think we’d be up to ears in tower defence games, thanks to all the ones the Bloons people have been throwing at us lately, but we’re happy to make an exception of Whiteboard TD.

Whiteboard TD varies from the Bloons Tower Defence games by, rather than sending baddies down a path for you to destroy, letting you create your own paths of guns and bombs. It adds a new layer of sophistication to the TD genre and it’s all the better for it. What’s more – the baddies here all talk, and are cute enough for them to feasibly be the goodies of the situation. Which is great if, like us, you’ve always wanted to be evil baddie bastard.

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SLACKERJACK – Gravity Hook

by Stuart Heritage

Simplicity is key to a successful online game, and they don’t get more simplistic than Gravity Hook, which is a game we want installed in our coffin case we’re mistaken pronounced dead, buried alive and feel like taking our minds off the whole ‘suffocating to death while the world turns obliviously’ thing.

In Gravity Hook, all you need to know is that you have to hook a line onto a floating explosive mine. As the mine draws you closer, you let go of the line and latch onto another one. The higher you get, the better you do. There are no goals in Gravity Hook, and no finishing line. You just go up and up and up and up. And then down a bit. And then you explode.

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SLACKERJACK – Mallet Mania

by Stuart Heritage

Look, we’ll admit it. Golf games bore the pooping fleps off us. Oh, what’s that? You want us to hit a ball around a course with a club? Rubbish! We only want to hit balls around courses with HAMMERS!

And that’s what Mallet Mania is – a kind of golf game with hammers instead of clubs. But we love Mallet Mania regardless – partly due to the narrow courses that make your every stroke completely precarious, and partly because it’s just a good solid game. But the real reason we love Mallet Mania is because of its soundtrack. We’d happily listen to nothing else all day, honestly.

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SLACKERJACK – Colour Infection

by Stuart Heritage

Careful, Colour Infection is a game that will actually make you think. It might even make you more intelligent. No, in fact it will. Colour Infection will make you more intelligent. It’ll turn you into an all-powerful meta-being. And it’ll give you lasers for eyes.

Or maybe it won’t. Who knows? Anyway – Colour Infection. Colour Infection is a brilliant game where there are brown balls and yellow balls and you have to make all the brown balls touch the yellow balls and turn them brown. You do this by clicking objects around the balls to shepherd them about the level. You need to be very precise and able to think several steps ahead to make the most of Colour Infection. And it’s all the more satisfying for it.

Play Colour Infection now

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