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funny video

Disturbing Friday Fun: Horrible Video CV

by C J Davies

You know, we’re not perfect.

That’s right. Despite being the site that introduced you to such legends as the Angry German Kid, the 9/11 Mime Artist and the dancing fat man in the Mini Mall commercial, occasionally something slips by our radar. This was highlighted in a most painful manner today, when – during a conversation with a good friend of ours – they seemed truly amazed that we had never heard of Aleksey Vayner.

How embarrassing.

Anyway – that’s just a heads-up. Some of you may have seen this, so don’t go yelling at us, please (it only makes us cry, and then we’re of no use to anyone). The rest of you, though? Boy, are you in for a treat …

This will be of particular interest to anyone presently hovering around the job market. How’s that CV looking? Made of ‘paper’, is it? Bah. Get with the times, you old duffer. The Video CV (or ‘resume’, as you crazy Americans like to call it) is clearly the way forward.

One man who knows this is Yale graduate Aleksey. He applied for a job at a major investment firm. And he handed in this – the quite frankly stunning introduction to his mind that you’re about to witness.

Remember. Impossible Is Nothing…

You know, we're not perfect. That's right. Despite being the site that introduced you to such legends as the Angry German Kid, the 9/11 Mime Artist and the dancing fat man in the Mini Mall commercial, occasionally something slips by our radar. This was highlighted in a most painful manner today, when - during a conversation with a good friend of ours - they seemed truly amazed that we had never heard of Aleksey Vayner. How embarrassing. Anyway - that's just a heads-up. Some of you may have seen this, so don't go yelling at us, please (it only makes us cry, and then we're of no use to anyone). The rest of you, though? Boy, are you in for a treat ... This will be of particular interest to anyone presently hovering around the job market. How's that CV looking? Made of 'paper', is it? Bah. Get with the times, you old duffer. The Video CV (or 'resume', as you crazy Americans like to call it) is clearly the way forward. One man who knows this is Yale graduate Aleksey. He applied for a job at a major investment firm. And he handed in this - the quite frankly stunning introduction to his mind that you're about to witness. Remember. Impossible Is Nothing...
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Jessica Simpson Sued for Hurting Millions of Fatties

by hecklerspray staff

Did you wake up this morning feeling hurt? If you did then you’re probably fat.

Hey, don’t through that half-eaten Twinkie at us – those things hurt when they’re stale – it’s Jessica Simpson that’s to blame. She’s hurting fat people everywhere. Millions of them, in fact. At least, that’s what the company that is suing her over an unreleased fitness video is saying. The good news for hurt fat people is that you can stop blaming your slow metabolism, glandular problem, or your genetics and start blaming Jessica Simpson.

Try it. We like it.

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This Video Will Make You Laugh, Then Feel Guilty, Then A Bit Disturbed

by Stuart Heritage

On shows like You’ve Been Framed, the hosts always go out of their way to point out that nobody got injured during any of the pratfalls.

Here, though, we wouldn’t be so sure – it’s a video of some kids taking a run-up and booting a concrete football as hard as they can. Again and again and again. If you find this funny, chances are you’re going to hell along with the rest of us.

And then, once you’ve got over the horror of watching children basically disabling themselves, you’ll gave to cope with the laugh in the background. The laugh that’s essentially stopped us from ever having a good night’s sleep ever again.

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VIDEO: Jane Fonda Says The C-Word On The Telly

by Stuart Heritage

Remember a few weeks ago when Diane Keaton said the f-word on live TV? Well screw that because Jane Fonda has just gone one better.

Cunt. Jane Fonda just said ‘cunt’ on live TV.

Jane Fonda, lord bless her, was on the Today show this morning talking about The Vagina Monologues. And instead of saying ‘fanny’ or ‘minge’ or ‘vagina’ or ‘tumpsy’, Jane Fonda went right out and said ‘cunt’. And nobody even noticed for a while.

Video? Of course we’ve got video.

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Heath Ledger Druggy Party Video To Remain Unseen

by Stuart Heritage

Nobody knows if Heath Ledger died from a drug overdose or not, but there’s a video floating about of Heath at a drug-filled party, so probably yes.

That seems to be the assumption of Entertainment Tonight and The Insider, though – the shows were set to broadcast the Heath Ledger drug video tonight, but they’ve both changed their mind and will now leave the video unseen.

Why? Well it was either because they got a sudden pang of guilt about intruding on a celebrity’s intimate personal experiences or because they’d rather devote more airtime to discussing exactly how doolally Britney Spears went before she got carted off to the nuthouse. Who knows.

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EXCLUSIVE: Brand New Alesha Dixon For You I Will Video

by Stuart Heritage

Alesha Dixon, remember her? Yes you do, she was the girl from Mis-Teeq who shouted everything like Pat Butcher impersonating a small dog. You know, the one whose husband had an affair with Javine off Eurovision.

OK, perhaps you know Alesha Dixon as the woman who won Strictly Come Dancing last year, beating such luminaries as That Woman Who Used To Be In EastEnders and A Bald Snooker Player. During Strictly Come Dancing, Bruce Forsyth repeatedly told Alesha that she was ‘Europe’s Beyonce.’ And now that Alesha’s got a new single coming out, entitled For You I Will perhaps it’s time to see how true that prediction is. And we’ve got a teaser of the For You I Will video first. Lucky us!

But what’s For You I Will by Alesha Dixon like? It’s actually kind of alright, in a ‘don’t offend the grannies who watched Strictly Come Dancing’ kind of way. It’s a bit James Bond-y, Alesha looks pretty in the video, some of the instruments are made of bits of cars and – thankfully – there’s no UK Garage-style rapping in it. But the video does cut off after one minute and 40 seconds, so maybe the second verse is a nang dubplate ragga freestyle remix. Or something.

Let us know what you think of For You I Will by Alesha Dixon – out on iTunes on Monday – below, won’t you.

Alesha Dixon, remember her? Yes you do, she was the girl from Mis-Teeq who shouted everything like Pat Butcher impersonating a small dog. You know, the one whose husband had an affair with Javine off Eurovision. OK, perhaps you know Alesha Dixon as the woman who won Strictly Come Dancing last year, beating such luminaries as That Woman Who Used To Be In EastEnders and A Bald Snooker Player. During Strictly Come Dancing, Bruce Forsyth repeatedly told Alesha that she was 'Europe's Beyonce.' And now that Alesha's got a new single coming out, entitled For You I Will perhaps it's time to see how true that prediction is. And we've got a teaser of the For You I Will video first. Lucky us! But what's For You I Will by Alesha Dixon like? It's actually kind of alright, in a 'don't offend the grannies who watched Strictly Come Dancing' kind of way. It's a bit James Bond-y, Alesha looks pretty in the video, some of the instruments are made of bits of cars and - thankfully - there's no UK Garage-style rapping in it. But the video does cut off after one minute and 40 seconds, so maybe the second verse is a nang dubplate ragga freestyle remix. Or something. Let us know what you think of For You I Will by Alesha Dixon - out on iTunes on Monday - below, won't you.
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Amy Winehouse Has Another Crack At Rehab

by Stuart Heritage

They tried to make Amy Winehouse go to rehab, but she said n… oh, you’ve already heard that one. Never mind.

Anyway, thanks to the release of that video where Amy Winehouse appears to be inhaling every last atom of crack in the universe through a glass pipe after a mighty big drug binge, Amy’s finally decided to get herself off to rehab for good.

True, Amy Winehouse does already have one unsuccessful rehab stint under her belt, but she’s learnt her lesson with this rehab – this one’s in central London and not on a private island, so she won’t have to wait for a helicopter when she inevitably sacks it off and goes down the pub.

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The Inevitable Tom Cruise Scientology Video Parody… Yay!

by hecklerspray staff

They say that imitation is the most sincere form of flattery. If that’s true, then Jerry O’Connell must simply adore Tom Cruise.

Why? Because Jerry O’Connell has made a parody of the Tom Cruise: Scientologist video that we appreciate so much because it makes us feel a little bit saner by comparison.

We were sort of hoping that some poor androgynous teenager would make a sobbing, overemotional plea for Tom Cruise to be left alone like that kid did for Britney Spears, but this works too.

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Church of Scientology to Gawker Media: Hey, Give That Back!

by hecklerspray staff

Here at hecklerspray, we know that there are many things we can’t do for you. We know we can’t rub that painful bunion on your heel, and we know we can’t buy you that box set of Good Times.

And we certainly can’t help you if you’re in an accident. We’re just gonna keep on driving, because Tom Cruise is really the only one that can really help. Just listen to his widely leaked Tom Cruise: Scientologist video that you weren’t supposed to see, and haven’t mirthfully shared with all of your friends.

But we can report on the inevitable fallout from said video. Today’s fallout involves the Church of Scientology’s legal team sending scary letters to Gawker Media because they first posted the video. Yay!

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VIDEO: Diane Keaton Does A Swearword On The Telly

by Stuart Heritage

If you had a really, really awful looking film coming out and you’re clearly too old to pretend to be pregnant like Eva Longoria, what do you do?

Easy, if you’re Diane Keaton you swear like a titting docker at the most inappropriate time you can think of, that’s what. On a live visit to Good Morning America to promote her Mad Money film yesterday, Diane Keaton decided to screech “If I had lips like yours I wouldn’t have to work on my fucking personality!” at host Diane Sawyer like some sort of pottymouthed harpy.

Yes, we’ve got video.

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