Yes, friendship is such a powerful force that it last through war and bloodshed, through pestilence and turmoil. And if you are blessed enough to have a friendship with say, a chain smoking girl DJ with whom you share a Facebook account last name, well you are lucky indeed. It’s because those are the kinds of friends that last.

And you gotta keep other people away from those friends too. That’s because those are the type of friends everybody wants for themselves. Lindsay Lohan knows this. Yesterday we reported that she recently used vulgarity and possibly a little alcohol puke in the corner of her mouth to rescue her greatest chum from the talons of an Olsen twin who was just about to fly away with her forever.

People, we’ve found the Facebook page.

Well Lohan’s done it. The rumour mill is going again, and this time it’s not just about falling on or off the wagon – but about her breeding preference. You see, in recent times Lohan has up and moved in with a girl named DJ Samantha Ronson, who is apparently quite good at selecting music for others to hear. The two have become quite chummy-chummy enough for Lohan to make a Facebook account under the name ‘Lindsay Ronson’.

Now we’re not saying the two are married or anything, but they have been seen raising two kids all the way from pre-school to college and arguing about things like toaster colours and who filled out the ‘damn’ cross word puzzle when it clearly wasn’t their turn, and got 37-down wrong anyway.

Is that true? We speculate no.

What’s definitely true is this – the two were out at a club recently when Ashley Olsen gave Samantha a kind hello. Lohan, apparently, erupted like this:

“Get your 15-year-old Full House ass away from my girlfriend.”

Which is pretty funny, right? But if you think about it – of course Ashley Olsen is gonna find herself drawn to someone who calls herself DJ. It’s been programmed in her since day one on the sitcom-set. She’s also fond of Jesses, Joeys, Comets and Giblers. Also she’s fond of the time Steve Urkel told Steff it was OK to have less than adequate eye sight.

Olsen maybe reacted poorly. She could have but didn’t hit Lohan square in the jaw with a garbage bag full of 32 unsold copies of her 1999 Olsen twin movie Passport To Paris, which had weak storytelling but good over-all plot and direction. VHS tapes flew everywhere, and upon seeing one lodged in the bartender’s head Lohan said ‘Oh? You were in this? This film is why I started acting.’ Now they live together and have never been happier. We’re checking Facebook for more details.

And so we give them this advice – from early on one of you fill in the across sections, and one fill out the downs. That way a stupid newspaper game will never come between you. Trust us, but more importantly, trust our parents.

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Lindsay Lohan’s Facebook Page – Gawker

Because Paris Hilton wants you to be her friend. Well, not you obviously. Someone who's a little less likely to stab her in the eye in a fit of rage within 20 seconds of meeting her. You know, someone who – shudder – actually likes Paris Hilton.

Yesterday Paris Hilton launched her new reality TV show, entitled Paris Hilton's My New BFF – short for 'best friend forever'. The show was going to be called Paris Hilton's My New BFFTPOASLRTSAICINS – short for 'best friend for the purposes of a short-lived reality TV show and I'm certain it's not sincere', but BFF's just that little bit snappier.

You! Yes you! Do you judge friendship on the amount of invisible bruises you receive? Maybe on the ease in which your telephone can be hacked? Perhaps you like nothing more than feeling a growing sense of inadequacy as you're constantly mocked and judged by a group of sneering, vaguely parasitic brats with moderately famous parents? What? You fit into all three of these categories? Well then, Paris Hilton has got an offer for you!

When it was previously reported that Paris Hilton was looking for a friend through a reality TV show, we thought it was an evil Illuminati trick to weed out the world's most clueless percentile and enslave it for menial labour on its seven-foot lizardman farm. But we were mistaken. This Paris Hilton reality TV friend search really exists and, as Reuters reports, yesterday Paris Hilton's My New BFF got its official launch:

Hilton, 27, unveiled the series, with the working title "Paris Hilton's My New BFF," during a news conference at a luxury home high in the Hollywood Hills on Thursday. Production on the 10-episode series is slated to begin in Los Angeles at the end of May, with an air date scheduled for the fourth quarter of 2008… The 20 finalists will move into a house with Hilton, and will learn from the master about "normal girl stuff," like fashion, parties and shopping… "[I want] someone that I can just trust, someone who's not gonna stab me in the back like has happened a lot in this town, someone I can have fun with."

But how will the number of aspiring Paris Hilton friends be whittled down to 20? Simple! Through www.parisbff.com – a website where Paris Hilton's wannabe friends can upload pictures and videos of themselves and get rated by the public.

However, only some of Paris Hilton finalist BFFs will be found on the website. Frankly if any get let through we'd be surprised, since at the moment the entrants seem to have misheard the title of the show as Paris Hilton's The New Target Of My Berserk Campaign Of Disturbing Obsession or Dude, I Bet I Can Totally Fuck Paris Hilton.

However, if you're thinking about signing up for Paris Hilton's My New BFF, you should probably do it. After all, you'll probably win – Paris' last BFF was Nicole Richie, so the bar hasn't exactly been set very high.

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Who wants to be Paris Hilton's new best friend? - Reuters 

Since the world-wide puppy shortage, however, that has become impossible. She's tried filling that void with other animals, we heard, but the goldfish died in her mascara case and her squirrel kept trying to store nuts deep inside her. Picture yourself at a million-dollar luncheon, and acorns keep dropping out of your pant-suit. Untolerable.

Paris Hilton has given up her solo friend-search now, and is letting MTV find the yin to her yang, the Japan to her Germany, and the mindless cult to her Charles Manson. Via reality TV.

And if you don't feel enticed enough to apply yet, keep in mind we're pretty sure one of her eyes is a Johnny Depp piece of eight. Certainly that is worth your consideration.

Paris Hilton may have money, but when it comes to friends she is definitely running short. Her brother's possibly wrapped around a tree right now, Richie's too busy extracting milk, Hilton's new boyfriend is embarrassingly named after a very compassionate dog from the seventies and the guy that kept yelling 'fire crotch' was just too sweaty to keep entertaining.

So her search for new friends, as it's just been announced, is going to be a reality TV show. MTV will host it, and throngs of girls will vie to be the one holding the video camera when Hilton finally gets around to making a sequel to her first 'film.' Hilton says of her new show:

"I’m really excited about this concept — I'm going to meet a lot of great girlfriends. I never got to go to college and this will be my chance to be in a sorority and have that experience."

It's not much of a contest really, as we already know the winner will be the girl with the tattoo of Lindsay Lohan squished in a tank tread.

That girl always wins. 

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Paris Hilton Seeks New Best Friend In Reality TV Show – Reuters