EDIT: OK, so it's not Sylvester Stallone in Fred Claus, it's Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank. The rest of the article has been adjusted accordingly…

It is a rule generally acknowledged that anyone who starts a hecklerspray article with the words 'it is a rule generally acknowledged' must be slapped around the face with a bag of animal poo until the end of the working day.

Another one of those rule-acknowledgey things is that – in general – Christmas films are rubbish. Sure, there are classics like It's A Wonderful Life, but just compare those to the legions of dregs like Santa Claus: The Movie, Surviving Christmas or Platoon 2: Do You Take Napalm With Your Mince Pies, You Fucking Commies? Huh? Do You? WELL?

Someone hasn't told Sylvester Stallone's BROTHER this, however. His upcoming movie is a Christmas flick, you see… and he's mightily chuffered about it.

The movie has even restored Sylvester Stallone's BROTHER's faith in his career. Just listen to the man:

"At first I was a little leery because I had all but given up on the film business after almost 60 films. I wasn't getting any work and I couldn't find an agent and no one seemed to show any interest."

Now? Now everything's all better. He's happy with being THE BROTHER OF A silver-screen slurrer again. Why? Because:

"Working on Fred Claus was a delightful experience. I wish all film sets were as joyful."

Fred Claus? The same Fred Claus that stars Vince Vaughn and Paul Giamatti, and is currently getting reviews about as favourable as a double screening of Brokeback Mountain and My Beautiful Laundrette at an Alabama drive-in? Yep. That's the one.

Oh well – as long as the muscly fool's BROTHER is happy. And doesn't get HIS BROTHER to make any more Rocky sequels. Hecklerspray is far more concerned with the general consensus – that Vaughn and Giamatti should go back to making decent movies. Hey – we were actually going to say that was a 'rule generally acknowledged', but luckily got away with it.

Hang on a second. How did this article start again?

Oh, for god's sake. Alright, let's get this over with. Laverty! Hyde! Lindseth! Laidlow! 

And Heritage? None of that penguin shit this time – a) I don't know where you get it from, and b) it really stings, man.