EDIT: OK, so it's not Sylvester Stallone in Fred Claus, it's Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank. The rest of the article has been adjusted accordingly…

It is a rule generally acknowledged that anyone who starts a hecklerspray article with the words 'it is a rule generally acknowledged' must be slapped around the face with a bag of animal poo until the end of the working day.

Another one of those rule-acknowledgey things is that – in general – Christmas films are rubbish. Sure, there are classics like It's A Wonderful Life, but just compare those to the legions of dregs like Santa Claus: The Movie, Surviving Christmas or Platoon 2: Do You Take Napalm With Your Mince Pies, You Fucking Commies? Huh? Do You? WELL?

Someone hasn't told Sylvester Stallone's BROTHER this, however. His upcoming movie is a Christmas flick, you see… and he's mightily chuffered about it.