Articles tagged with: Fraud
If any of you happen to be offered a suspiciously cheap piece of Catholic property by a man with a funny accent, don't hesitate to buy it. Seriously, buy it. It's definitely legit. The only funny-accented man to ever defraud strangers with dodgy property deals spuriously linked to the Catholic church - Anne Hathaway's ex-boyfriend Raffaello Follieri - has just been thrown in jail for four and a half years. This is wonderful news for two reasons. Not only is Raffaello Follieri being punished for his crimes, but we all know that nature hates a vacuum. All we need to do is buy a phony bishop outfit, adopt a ludicrous continental European accent and con some idiots out of millions of dollars and we're almost completely certain that we'll have Anne Hathaway licking the side of our face by Halloween.
No matter how bad things get, you can always make them better with a song - unless you're on trial in court, because that would just be stupid. Try telling that to DMX, though. He's currently up to his eyeballs in trouble - for just about every illegal activity that a human being is capable of committing - but he still had time to lighten the mood outside court yesterday with an inspirational freestyle that we think was possibly about being a good person. True, bellowing "stand for something or fall for everything!" at some bewildered reporters to the rhythm of some sort of weird internal metronome might not seem like the best way for DMX to solve his problems, but at least it's a step up from his usual rapping style, which tends to involve screaming "I smell pussy!" at the top of his voice and then barking like a dog for an hour.
One of these days, we swear to god, DMX is going to do something within the confines of the law - and that'll be a story. But until then DMX will just keep blundering through life breaking laws and getting arrested with such dizzying frequency that all the different arrests just sort of blur into one giant meta-arrest that'll one day take on a life of its own and destroy gravity or something. Which is what happened to DMX this weekend, more or less. Surprise surprise, DMX has been arrested again. This time, however, is special. This time DMX was arrested for using a fake name and social security number to avoid paying a hospital bill. Just one more arrest this year and DMX will have scored himself the title of Most Pointlessly Illegal Rapper Alive. Eat it, Busta Rhymes!
The world may go through some difficult changes in the next 25 years, but at least Lou Pearlman won't give us any more crappy boybands. That's because Lou Pearlman has just been sentenced to 25 years in jail after being found guilty of conspiracy, money laundering and various other dodgy white-collar crap. Ironically, though, Lou Pearlman only got six months in jail for committing those crimes - the other 24.5 years were a punishment for inventing 'N Sync. Oh, we're just kidding. Being the mastermind behind the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync didn't affect Lou Pearlman's sentence at all. He got given such a long sentence because he's fat and creepy-looking. And you're next, Santa!
When N'Sync and the Backstreet Boys were but wee lads, Lou Pearlman decided to buy them for pennies on the dollar. After his purchase he thought it might be financially wise if he turned them all into a super awesome street dancing crew or something.
Pearlman's financial windfall made him both rich and wealthy and well-to-do. Also he got very fat and then he turned evil. That's why when he grew bored of making young boys dance he turned to ponzi schemes to bilk people out of millions of dollars.
And now it seems he might go to prison for it.
All Pamela Anderson wants from life is true love, preferably true love that ends after a couple of months and makes her look a bit foolish in retrospect.
And, God bless her, that's exactly what Pamela Anderson got with Rick Salomon - the man who she married, split up with, possibly got pregnant by, got back together with and is now seeking annulment from.
Now it turns out that Pamela Anderson has cited 'fraud' to end her marriage to Rick Salomon. Now, you should remember that there are only a limited number of grounds for annulment and Pamela Anderson probably checked the 'fraud' box not because she'd literally been defrauded, but because there wasn't a more accurate explanation available to her, like 'I'm an emotionally-backwards airhead dicksplat.'
