france - HecklerSpray

Who Knew Kate Middleton Had Such an Incredible Ass?

October 3rd, 2012 By Chris Starr

Take me away and lock me up in the Tower of London, because I bring what is potentially treasonous news. Kate Middleton’s hoo-hah has been photographed in the wild – showing that the paparazzi problems between the Royal family and the rest of us will never end.

You all know the story by now: Wills and Kate were holidaying in France, and a photographer who was seemingly stationed a good couple of miles away and was unable to keep a steady enough hand to get anything like clear images took pictures of her boobs.

The Apprentice: Melody Takes Over the World

August 5th, 2012 By Jacki Evans

Last night The Apprentice dabbled in poor Franglais and mildly racist yet entirely subconscious accents. Yes, Lord Sugar sent his minions to Paris to sell their crap to the French. He wants international business people, you see, as you?can't take over the world if your company?s only in the UK.

Unfortunately for everyone else, Melody was the only one who could actually speak French, setting in motion her plan for world domination. She's like The Brain, but with better eyeliner. And Leon was her (slightly more attractive) Pinky.

Before Melody could get cracking with taking over everything though, Lord Sugar needed to rejig the teams. Helen got booted over to Venture, where Susan put herself forward for project manager, despite seemingly having no idea what France even is. That was OK though, because she got to play with fun little products, like the kiddy?s chair and the kiddy backpack. She clearly missed it when Lord Sugar told her to act like a ?Big Person? at the end of last week.

Eurovision 2009: Finland AND France

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

Thanks to a mixture of Easter, Dancing On Ice and our utter, utter cluelessness when it comes to scheduling, we have a treat for you.

That’s right, we’re going to be profiling two Eurovision 2009 entries per day from now on. Unless we’ve made another miscalculation. Which we suspect we have. Anyway, the point is that with double the Eurovision goodness every day, you’ll be twice as happy. Or twice as morbidly depressed. You’re welcome, readers!

Here’s the Eurovision rundown for Waldo’s People from Finland and Patricia Kaas from France…

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Have Some Kids, Release Some Pictures: World Explodes

March 24th, 2009 By Ian Dransfield

In the ongoing saga of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie ‘having some twins’, you would probably think the ridiculous media hysteria couldn’t get much worse.

Well, you’re wrong. Because they’ve finally gone and released pictures of the A-list couple’s bundle of gametes – though fortunately there doesn’t seem to be a Bono in sight. That would be too much.

Popping up on Hello! and People over the weekend, the images show… some famous people with their newborn kids. Seriously – what did you expect? Hecklerspray hoped the photos would include explosions, a car chase et al, but those hopes were well and truly dashed on their release. Typical.

Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s Guards Have A Paparazzi Punch-Up

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

It’s long been a dream of ours to dress up in camouflage and hold a pitched battle on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s front lawn.

Sadly, our stupid sense of common decency has always held us back from achieving our goal, which is why we’ve decided to live vicariously through the two camouflaged photographers who’ve been questioned by police after fighting with guards on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s property in France.

What exactly happened is a mystery – the guards and photographers are both accusing the other side of battery – but it’s clear why the paparazzi were on Brad and Angelina’s property in the first place. Apparently the garden is a haven for a rare breed of yellow wagtail, and the photographers would have got a first-rate shot of them if Angelina Jolie’s stupid twins didn’t keep getting in the bloody way.

Angelina Jolie Ready To Pop Her Twins All Over The Place

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

This is it – the moment that everyone with a slightly sinister personal investment in the lives of people they're never likely to meet has been waiting for.

That's right, Angelina Jolie has been checked into a French hospital so that she can give birth to those babies that have been clogging up her insides for what seems like a couple of years. Don't worry, though, Angelina Jolie isn't going to have her twins just yet – she's just checked in for a rest before all the gory stuff happens.

But it's still exciting. What will Angelina Jolie call her children this time? We're actually hoping that the twins are named after something specific to the region they're born in – in which case we can expect to soon be introduced to little Unshaven Female Armpit Jolie-Pitt and its sibling, Halfhearted Attitude To Work Jolie-Pitt.

Angelina Jolie Thuds Out Those Unborn Babies Of Hers

March 24th, 2009 By Stuart Heritage

Hoist the flags and sound the trumpets – Angelina Jolie has either given birth to twins or farted really, really loudly!

Reports are flooding in that Angelina Jolie has given birth to twins in France. However, right now nobody seems to know how unpregnant Angelina Jolie actually is because, while the reports are mostly convincing, it appears that Angelina has given the twin girls vaguely sensible names. And if we know Angelina Jolie, we know that she’d rather stab a baby in the face than give it a name that she hasn’t just made up from a random combination of letters on a whim.

Anyway – Angelina Jolie! Babies! Birth! Let’s go!

Eurovision Betting Odds: Sebastien Tellier, France

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

What better way than to start a new week than by launching straight into some more of your favourite Eurovision betting odds?

Well, how about this – there’s now an official Eurovision karaoke competition for you to enter, too. Eurovision and Youtube have got together and the result is the Eurovision Be A Winner contest, where fans can send in videos of themselves performing this year’s Eurovision songs. If you enter this, please send us a link to your video. We want to know what your face looks like so we can make sure never to talk to you again, you see.

Here are the Eurovision betting odds for France, with help from Paddy Power…