Dunderheaded, probably passed off as post-modernist satire, Duke Nukem is coming back in a bevvy of boobs, stupid weapons, grating asides and dreadful metal bands. Of course, those onside adore him. Everyone wonders why people still play first-person shooters.
Either way, there’s a fizzing excitement in the gaming world as Duke Nukem Forever looms. It is getting an international release from June 10th onward across everything apart from the Wii.
And now, there’s a pissing trailer which features lesbian schoolgirls, aliens, pole dancers, daft weapons and Duke’s infamous all-action hero voice. Basically, he’s the man Jason Statham has based his whole career on. Which is a terrifying prospect.
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Do you like running around firing off endless rounds of deadly ammo in Arctic tundras, desolate landscapes, hugely lethal alien jungles, grim nuclear wastelands and the cold, dead air of space itself?
Well, if you’re reading that and taking it literally, we suggest you hand yourself into the nearest psychiatric ward.
However, if you thought: ‘Hey! That sounds like a fun computer game to me!‘, then you’re okay by us. And with the help of Killzone 3, which is due for release soon, you’ll be able to run around with guns! And stuff!
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Bungie, the developers behind games such as Halo, Halo 2 and… erm, Halo 3 have made an announcement to all the people playing the leaked version of their latest game, Halo 4… I mean Halo: Reach.
Halo: Reach for the Stars is a first person shooter set somewhere in outer space and requires the player to climb various mountains higher and ultimately follow their heart’s desire. Okay, I may have confused the plot of the game with a song by S Club 7, but to be honest the plot is so ridiculously complex I genuinely can’t be bothered going into it. In its most basic form it works like this: Man has gun, man has space suit, man go into space and shoot evil alien for arbitrary reason that serves as a plot device.
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Being a bodyguard is one of those jobs that would be – as those kids tend to say – ‘awesome’.
It’s just a shame that you’d probably end up getting shot and killed. But wait! For you – yes you – can still be a bodyguard without having to put your actual, real life on the line! Plus you won’t have to get embarrassed should you decide to do a runner instead of looking after your VIP.
How? By playing Black Shades, the bodyguard game.
You are a bodyguard and you have to protect your VIP, playing about in an infinitely generated city full of blocky little people, half of which seemingly want to shoot the man in white you’re looking after. Kill them, disarm them, knock your VIP out of the way – you decide how to deal with the attacker.
It looks shonky but it still plays really well, and is oddly compulsive – as with a lot of freebies. It is a download, mind, and not a browser-based timewaster, but it’s well worth the 1MB file size.
Download Black Shades Here:
Black Shades
