Visit a branch of Weatherspooons on a weekend and you’ll no doubt bump into a decaying mess on the dance floor that’s tried to cover their appearance by plastering on the makeup. Everybody loves to witness a female attempt to look young as they prance around in their daughter’s top that shows off every ravage of age.
Basically, some people in life should accept that their sell by date has arrived and just stop. Sadly, this doesn’t happen and the same can be said about long running animation, The Simpsons. Reaching its peak in the mid nineties, the show has continued to lag in quality and started to become awkward and confusing.
But The Simpsons broadcaster has faith and continues to recommission the programme. Americans either have an alternative view take on humour, or Fox like the money from the merchandise. Either way, The Simpsons has reached a landmark 500th episode.
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Piers Morgan, the ever lovable former Daily Mirror editor and man for whom the word smarmy was invented, certainly has gotten his large, soiled knickers in a twist of late.
We’re not even half way through the week and he’s already attempted to take some cheap shots at 2 people who are infinitely more famous and loved than him.
It’s the equivalent of the school weed slagging off the popular kids because they won’t invite him to their fancy pool parties when their parents go to Tuscany for the weekend. Read More >>>
Sometimes, one can only hope that Glenn Beck is the Republican version of Jon Stewart and that it was all one big joke we didn’t latch onto in good time… but there’s that gnawing feeling that he really does believe the beserk stuff he says.
And it is his views that have seen him and his family being targeted by “hateful” crowds at a screening of The 39 Steps in New York City on Monday night.
While there, Beck & Co were caught in a “hostile situation”, and if you look at his history, it isn’t difficult to see why that will happen from time-to-time. You troll people, there’s a strong chance they’ll harangue you in return. So let us glare at him at his most weird.
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Family Guy may well be one of the most dismal programmes ever aired on a television anywhere on Earth, but that didn’t stop Seth MacFarlane scraping the barrel even further with the miserable American Dad and further still with the joy-vacuum of The Cleveland Show.
Quite an impressive feat you might think. How on Earth is it possible to make something more grating and unfunny as Family Guy?
Well, unbelievably, he’s going to top all of that when he takes over, revamps and utterly sullies one of the greatest animated series in television – The Flintstones. And you thought that the live action flick with John Goodman was bad!
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Glenn Beck – the GG Allin of television* – isn’t likely to see his contract renewed by Fox. Imagine that for a second. Someone in the world who is deemed too nutso even for Rupert Murdoch. Staggering stuff.
So what can Glenn Beck do now? Have a cry about it? Roll around on the floor, masturbating into an American flag?
He might! And he might film it too! That’s because Glenn Beck is to take his brand of bug-eyed, frenzied gibberish onto his own network! If you can’t beat ‘em, eat ‘em! And we can only imagine the horrors that will unfold on GBTV.
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Men, the day we have been dreading for weeks has finally come and gone, Sky Sports News is no longer available on Freeview in the UK. That’s right, no more up to date analysis, no more SoccerSaturday and, of course, no more Georgie Thompson.
I know it hurts but we have to face facts, no longer shall she be there when we wake up in the morning, to tell us the latest scores and transfer rumours, no longer will she distract us from the fact that there’s a bloke from Blue Peter attempting, badly, to present news that isn’t about some sort of bring and buy sale.
It is indeed a sad day for us all. Rupert Murdoch is now using our beloved Georgie to get us to sign up to his extortionate Sky TV subscription service. All we have left is the vain hope that someone vaguely attractive turns up on Loose Women to ease our heartbreak.
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Glenn Beck may be going blind. Isn’t that sad? Maybe he actually cried all the fluid out of his eye-sockets, leaving him with two rattling pork scratchings in his skull? Maybe he just plays with himself too frequently?
Beck, who you have no doubt seen going slowly postal on Fox News (or indeed, being lampooned on other programmes) could gradually lose his eyesight and he’s already admitted that he’s “too darn lazy to learn Braille.” That’s okay Glenn! Don’t worry yourself unduly! You make stuff up in your round little head all the time… you don’t need your eyes for that (although, you’ll now have to feel some faces before you can decide whether they’re evil terrorists, rather than just spy a turban and call it off the cuff).
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Remember 2003?
Sure it was a long time ago – but let us jog your memory. The sky outside was often gray and dreary, flowers refused to bloom and the Internet bed linen industry absolutely boomed because bedridden people were too depressed to drop turd all the way over in the toilet.
Well no more – because Futurama has been un-cancelled. And we’re not talking about four more straight to DVD movies either – we’re talking about 26 new episodes on Comedy Central.
You still don’t believe us?
We don’t blame you. We’re sorry we ever told you we’re half-brothers with Coolio.
Trust restored.
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