Picture the scene. You’re in a band and just finished recording an album that in your opinion might just bring every music fan to their knees, trembling in awestruck appreciation of what’s just entered their eardrums.

The record company mightn’t however appreciate the effort which has cost thousands to record and produce. So another cash cow is needed to claw back the money; merchandise.

We’ve all done it when going through the phase of loving one particular band a little too much. Posters, clothes, and stickers are the norm for pop acts, but for artists a little bit more experimental, all sorts of weird and wonderful extras can be found either with the record itself, or as part of a lavish boxset.

We’ve rifled through our own record collection and looked online to find artists offering more than just a bonus CD of demo tracks and videos for the songs on the album.

Is that alright?

Well thank you very much.

Cuh.

Here goes.

Lemon Jelly – Soft Rock 7”

A self-released single due to the band not bothering with sample clearance from Chicago and Black Crowes. Producing ambient electronica with a fun and accessible edge, Fred Deakin (who also runs design studio Airside) decided to do away with the boring 7” sleeve by housing the initial copies in denim sleeves with a condom in the pocket. Copies of the single unsurprisingly fetch less if the rubber addition is missing. Still, that’s no reason to go getting pregnant.

Venetian Snares – A Giant Alien Force More Violent & Sick Than Anything You Can Imagine

The music itself might sound like the demonic din of pots and pans shoved in a washing machine and set on a vigorous spin cycle, but this release had a very different look and style. Housed in a 3″ CD box, a custom-made Viewmaster TV Box can be found with a selection of images. Something to keep you occupied while your ears are being brutalised.

Pigeon* – Mouldy Dough (The Official V/Vm Anthem)

Stockport’s ‘First Lord of Illegal Manipulation of Other Peoples’ Works’, presented the anthem for his more popular moniker, V/VM. Often churning out screeches and wails of punishing white noise that is almost immediately branded shit, we can only assume that Mr V/VM decided to literally give something back to his harsher critics. Alongside the 7” single there’s a zip-lock bag containing a piece of pigeon poo and feather. Strictly limited to 100 copies.

Bjork – Biophilla

We know Bjork is a bit mental and will attack you in an airport if provoked but the luxury boxset for her new album is for the hardcore only. For £500 you’ll get amongst other items, a luxury oak box with the main album, an alternative version, extensive sleevenotes pressed on special paper and most importantly; 10 chrome-plated tuning forks. Why? We don’t know. Why not?

Rammstein – Liebe Ist Fur Alle Da

For their 2009 album release, Rammstein decided to release something that is literally a load of bollocks. The angry Germans decided to release a special box-set that comes with six dildos, a pair of handcuffs and some lube. Perfect for those who really love music and Rammstein. We’re unsure if the dildos are moulds of the bands penises but if it helps, you can pretend that they are moulds of the many penises of Editor Mof.

The Kiss Kasket

Everyone knows that Kiss are a simple bunch and just want to rock all night and party everyday. But why stop rocking in the afterlife? Gene Simmons and co created the Kiss Kasket. He said “this is the ultimate Kiss collectible. I love livin’, but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good. And if buying it seemed like a lousy investment, it has the dual use of a being fridge. Perfect for beer and corpse storage.

Found – Anti Climb Paint

A 7” single, made completely out of chocolate. Best kept in the fridge than on a record shelf. Supposedly lasts ten plays before melting, dissolving or breaking the needle on your turntable. Nice.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or else we’ll kill you in your sleep or join our Facebook group if anyone is still daft enough to use it or BUY ONE OF OUR STUPID T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU’VE EVER LOVED!

Cosmo or Compo?

Folded

• Vote ‘Spray! - We’re nominated for a Cosmopolitan Blog Award and sure, usually we’re not interested in accolades but… well… actually… yeah. We’re total award whores. Vote for us under the ‘Celebrity’ category. Go now… go on… we’ll wait.
• Stickman – Draw a stickman and follow a wonderful little story through to its logical conclusion.
• The Best Video Ever – Sure, it might be cruel but you can’t say it’s not bloody impressive.
• X Factor USA – Knowing full well that our very own Sophie Hall has the UK version of the show locked down over here, The Guardian have taken it upon themselves to make ex-Hecklerspray Ed Stuart Heritage liveblog the US version. Check his twitter for the links and whatnot.
• Cab Calloway - Here’s a picture. Why not?

Creased

• Skimming Off The Top - Just how do you end up with a bill of £16 for a muffin?
• Crack Pipe Show n’ Tell – Is it creased or is it hilarious?
• VOLTRON! – It’s coming back as a comic… for no good reason.
• Dark Shadows – Tim Burton has done it again. Wait… where Hele- oh, there she is.
• The Death Penalty – Well… duh.

By the way… remember…

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or face dire consequences or ‘Like’ us on Facebook or BUY ONE OF OUR T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE… & your little dog too!

Art School or Smart Fool?

Folded

• The Pomegranate – The best phone ever made?
• Smash Google - Have you ever wanted to mangle Google for no other reason than the fact that you’re a violent sociopath? Well now you can!
• The Perry Bible Fellowship – A wonderful web comic that we’d all-but forgotten about.
• Slutwalk Photos – We’re suckers for a pithy placard.
• Alan Partridge On Twitter – No, seriously.

Creased

• BBC News - hecklerspray posted Scarlett Johansson’s naked pictures at 10.15am. Still, they like our pals at Holy Moly better than us.
• Texas Death Row – Regardless of your opinion of the death penalty, this makes for pretty chilling reading.
• Prada - Cutting edge of fashion or a hideous 1950s’ prosthetic leg? You decide.
• Glenn Beck TV – SOMETIMES SHOUTING AT PEOPLE ON TV ISN’T ENOUGH! LET’S ALL LEARN TO HATE ON A WHOLE NEW LEVEL!
• Tatooine – It’s not quite as exciting now that they’ve found it.

Follow hecklerspray on Twitter or face dire consequences or ‘Like’ us on Facebook or BUY ONE OF OUR T-SHIRTS OR WE’LL KILL EVERYONE YOU LOVE… & your little dog too.!

Awesome or Off-Putting is a weekly delve into cryptozoology, ufology, aliens, medical marvels, scientific wonders, secret societies, government conspiracies, cults, ghosts, EVPs, myths, ancient artifacts, religion, strange facts, odd sightings or just the plain unexplainable.

Dear everybody,

Well, they found Bigfoot’s body, and it’s currently being kept in a freezer. The long question of whether the thing exists or not is finally answered.

Or so say the two guys with the freezer.

Evidence of Bigfoot has long been floating about – the problem is it’s always weak evidence. Last time we told you the proof was in the form of foot steps heard deep in the woods with an electronic ear, and how no creature known to man has ever snapped twigs quite in that pattern while walking.

A few years ago we told you about the kid who video taped a sasquatch, but then couldn’t remember quite where the encounter happened, and was in a big hurry to talk dollar signs. Also, there’s the child molestor, who himself was once molested – by a Bigfoot.

This time around it’s two guys (Rick Dyer & Matthew Whitton) in the woods. They run some sort of Bigfoot hunting business, and on a fairly recent expedition stumbled upon a pretty intact hair-covered carcass. Reportedly, they dragged it out of there while other sasquatch watched from the side lines. They made it all the way to a plugged-in gigantic freezer, and are currently keeping the beast quite preserved.

They were going to present incredibly solid evidence that the monster exists last Friday at a press conference – but they didn’t.  Here’s the New York Times’ take on things:

“One photograph provided to the news media showed what resembled a gorilla — or maybe an old sheepskin rug — lying twisted in a freezer, with a dollop of intestines protruding from its belly. “There’s a lot of comment being made that it looks fake, or it looks like a suit,” Mr. Dyer said. “But these people wasn’t there when I was sweating, pulling this thing through the woods.”

But that was written before the big news conference. More recently we have something from the Sydney Morning Herald:

“They didn’t produce a Bigfoot corpse; that is in a hidden location, they said, after being moved from a freezer that broke down a couple of times. They will not say exactly where they found the creature and claim they saw a band of other Bigfoots watching them. Neither will they allow anyone other than their own hand-picked scientists to examine the body of the dead animal.

“We’re now the best Bigfoot hunters in the world,” said Matthew Whitton, 31. Whitton and his hiking partner, Rick Dyer, 28, wore the hats to prove it, advertising their website. Mr Whitton is a police officer who is on disability leave; Mr Dyer is a car salesman and tow-truck operator.”

It’s not looking good at this point. But then it doesn’t have to. You know their website is currently being ransacked by a curious public – bringing in loads of advertising money. Their tour business might even be picking up – $150 for an overnight hike and as many Costco-brand granola bars as you can eat.

We don’t actually know their price chart or services rendered.

What we think is this – there are two many sasquatch encounters reported each year for it to be nothing – but this ain’t it.

It could, however, explain where Harriette Winslow from Family Matters has been lately. Seriously – what happened to her?

Coachella was all about one thing this year – a dreary old man forcing a crowd to stand up for three hours while he played songs that your Dad likes.

But Roger Waters‘ Coachella set was livened up by one tiny thing – the moment when his giant inflatable pig broke free and blew off. Blew off into the desert. Get your minds out of the gutter. Cuh!

And the escape of Roger Waters’ big pig has been the talk of the town ever since, with extensive discussions in the press and monetary rewards being offered to whoever recovered it first. Anything, in fact, to take people’s minds off the fact that they’d just basically exchanged $270 for a week of agonising lower back pain and an eighth of a day spent listening to an old posho bleat on about Southampton.

This is just a theory, but we’re starting to think that Coachella organisers don’t want people to go to their little festival. Every year they try to scare everyone away, either by hiring an old lady to dance around in a leotard or persuading a bunch of angry boys to scream abuse at everyone, and this year they must have thought they’d stumbled across the holy grail of audience repellents – Roger Waters from Pink Floyd.

Because, honestly, if we wanted to listen to an old man go over his past achievements word for word in brain-numbing detail for the millionth time surrounded by drooling medicated fartheads, we’d go and visit our Grandpa in the nursing home. And we don’t like doing that because it reminds us that we’ll die one day.

However, Roger Waters was performing Dark Side Of The Moon in full at Coachella, so he drew a huge crowd of people eager to discover what an album they’ve already played to death sounds like when they have to jam themselves in between a bunch of hippies who’ve curled elastic bands into their beards and listen to them bleat on about how deep it is for Roger Waters to turn some green lights on during a song called Money because money is, like, green. And being pretty sure they’re suffering from the early stages of heatstroke. Man.

Anyway, long story short, Roger Waters did the old inflatable pig trick during his set, but it accidentally blew away and some people got sad until they found it in the desert later. And apparently that’s news now. The Telegraph reports:

A huge inflatable pig bearing the word “Obama” which went missing in the California desert after it was released into the sky during a music festival has been found. The pig, which disappeared following a show by Pink Floyd frontman Roger Waters at the Coachella music festival on Sunday. was found by two families on their driveways in La Quinta, California. They will split the $10,000 (£5,090) reward offered by the festival, according to the BBC.

Apparently, as well as telling the residents of California to vote for Barack Obama almost three months after they had the ability to do so, the giant pig also “displayed the words ‘Don’t be led to the slaughter’ and a cartoon of Uncle Sam holding two bloody cleavers. The other side read ‘Fear builds walls.” See? You can take the hippy out of the sixties, but you can’t stop him being an insufferable overbearing dick.

Read more:

Pink Floyd’s flying ‘Obama’ pig found – Telegraph