Britney Spears is guilty of a lot of things. For instance, we heard she intentionally soundtracked the whole Hail Bob thing for that cult where everybody killed themselves to board a spiritual spaceship.

It wasn’t out of maliciousness, mind you, she just wanted them to cast off peacefully, with the sweet sound of teenage sexiness in their ears.

Yeah, that’s not true. What is true though, is that the papo who stuck his foot under Britney’s car as she was backing up among a throng of flashes and clicks is not getting anything for it. It’s more his fault than hers – legally speaking.

Since the decision, we’ve heard that in desperation he’s put his hand in Jessica Simpson‘s blender, his leg in Mandy Moore‘s bullmastiff dog-food bowl, and slammed his man-part against the door of Christina Aguilera‘s microwave oven.

That’s just what we heard.

Things are looking up for young Britney Spears. She’s getting thinner, she may or may not have a gig in Vegas and that paparazzi foot she ran over a while back is more at fault than she is.

Next thing you know Crossroads will get voted into some legendary movie museum and Kevin Federline will get hit by a milk truck.

Yup, everything’s comin’ up roses for ol’ Britney Spears! Hollywood Today gives some details on the Papo-foot run over thing:

“[Prosecutors] have refused to act on a lensman’s claim that his foot was run over by Spears in November while she backed up her car amidst a large crowd of people. We have no evidence to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that the suspect [Spears] was aware that the victim’s foot had been struck by the car,” Deputy District Attorney Joseph Shidler stated in a written report. He also asserted that the injury was the photographer’s own fault for placing his foot directly in the path of the vehicle.”

Well what an interesting turn of events! Of course, this all brings us back to the time we ran over a paparazzi’s foot.

Then we ran over his shin, knee and femur. And then his hip, spine, ribcage and skull. People were all like ‘Stop the car! Stop the car!’ and we were like ‘Why? so he can digitally obtain more imagery of us?’ and they were like ‘The only images he’s gonna be obtaining from now on are of the inside of an urn.’ Then we were like ‘What, does that mean he’s dead?’ and they were like’ Yeah,’ and we were like ‘Is his wallet squished too?’

And you know what? His wallet was squished – there’s a lesson to be learned here somewhere.