flip the bird - HecklerSpray

Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Are Splitting Up So Commence The Death Threats

April 8th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

It is clear to anyone with eyes and a vague interest in the downfall of Justin Bieber, that he’s slowly turning into a superbrat, not to be trusted as far as he could be flung. He’s flipped the bird at paps and been icily cold in interviews.

And now, it looks like he’s breaking the heart of Selena Gomez, despite the fact his fans are all shouting ‘HE’S NOT LIKE THAT! JUSTIN WOULD NEVER DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT BECAUSE I KNOW HIM! AND I FEEL LIKE HE REALLY KNOWS ME TOO!’

Well Beliebers, looks like you didn’t know him at all because he’s been sending mucky text messages to another girl behind Selena’s back. The dirty rotten swine! Will he even autotune “you’re dumped, love” as well?

Justin Bieber Gets Accused Of Being A Filthy Song Burglar

March 29th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Action Man dicked amniotic super-foetus Justin Bieber may have to go to big man’s court after getting in hot water (presumably not tested with an adult elbow first) after someone claimed that he owes them money for his obviously dreadful track One Less Lonely Girl.

Sadly, it isn’t clear whether Bieber has formed a human brain capable of dealing with the notion of ‘money’ yet. It’s alleged that Bieber ate his first royalty check before sneezing a spaghetti hoop out of his nostril.

Anyway, the wonderfully monickered Vance Tate and Thomas Oliveria (also known as A-Nus A-Rex) are going after him with bits of paper with legal words written on and a promise to give him a Chinese Burn and take away his blankie.

Justin Bieber Probably Had A Vivid Wet Dream About Robert Pattinson

March 23rd, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

That’s probably a gross title about a 17-year-old’s masturbatory efforts – but like this whole yelling mean things at people on the Internet for a living thing, we’re running with it.

Justin Bieber has reportedly been telling people that he had some kind of affectionate, pandering, possibly homoerotic meeting with Robert Pattinson that only took place at a delay once Robert was done applying the delightful body shimmer sample handed to him by the lady at the make-up counter.

In what would have been the most random meeting ever, even with a fanbase the same age, Justin recalled meeting the Twilight actor and there was something in there about hair envy and wanting to be like the actor when he grew up.

Justin Bieber Wants To Play A Snivelling Little Runt – World Shocked

March 22nd, 2011 By Michael Park

Canada’s shame – Justin Bieber – has spoken of his desire to play the part of Oliver Twist as they share a common heritage. In addition to this, they also share the common trait of being easily led into money that comes around all too easily as the result of singing a few dreary,? saccharine tunes that they didn’t actually write.

Young Justin Haircut’s dream to play the rags-to-riches runt can be traced back to being laughed out of Selena Gomez’s trailer after crawling towards her sighing “Please miss, I want some more.”

Unfortunately for Bieber, no-one on Earth can actually believe that he’s ever read the source material for Lionel Bart’s? “classic” Oliver! Sources close to the star who, like most newspapers, we’ve made up claim that Bieber refuses to go to sleep unless someone reads the novelisation of ‘She’s All That’ to him every night but nothing has been conclusively proven yet.

Justin Bieber And Selena Gomez Got Together Thanks To Animal Husbandry From Meddling Adults

March 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Imagine an adult human parading a child around at a cattle market before a bunch of other adults, all hooting a braying while vying for position, showing off photos of their own offspring in an attempt to make a pair of children have sex.

This may sound like the most distressing thing ever (or, MTV’s ‘Date My Mom’), but this is pretty much what happened when Selena Gomez go together with Justin Bieber.

Sweet Jeebus.

Madame Tussauds Create More Lifelike Version Of Justin Bieber

March 16th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Justin Bieber has had a waxwork unveiled at Madame Tussauds in London, with many gasping at just how human the dummy is in comparison to the thimble sized singer. Of course, stupid fans shrieked and yelped while trying to ignore the fact it doesn’t really look like him.

Needless to say, the Never Say Never star (surely, ‘Never Say Never’ should simply be called ‘Say’ then?) didn’t mind. It afforded him the chance to receive ultimately unrewarding adulation for looking exactly like himself.

Grinning like a tooth-filled dimwit, Bieber delivered a speech that the world’s greatest raconteur would be envious of. He said it was ‘awesome’.

Justin Bieber Is Turning Into A Mega Brat As Predicted

March 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Just as we all assumed, Justin Bieber is turning into a sneering little brat… a git of the highest order. Throw endless attention at a child and he’ll repay you with the kind of behaviour that would embarrass your average MTV producer.

Now Bieber has had a film out and got himself a starlet girlfriend (who has had a face like a torn welly boot lately), he’s decided to stroppily stomp around the place and forget all that sheened professionalism that he’s had drummed into him by his army of men with flipcharts.

Don’t believe us?

Justin Bieber Bans Booze on His UK Tour, The Wuss

March 8th, 2011 By Matthew Laidlow

Pint sized American Justin Bieber is currently in the UK. How do we know this? Well if you switch off any the TV or pause any music that's playing, you\’ll hear the faint high pitched squeals of young girls as they come close to orgasm, knowing that there in the same landmass as Bieber.

In the past, we've been accused of being ignorant and rude about the eight year old singer, so we wanted to make amends.

Using our best joined-up handwriting on lined paper, we sent out a polite invitation to Justin Bieber’s record label asking if one of his after show parties could be held in our bedsit. We promised to clean away the empty Pot Noodle tubs and spray air-freshener to mask the smell of sweat and desperation. We thought we?d show Justin the hecklerspray way, which pretty much involves getting blind drunk. Sadly this won’t be on the cards now, as the pesky baby has gone and banned alcohol from his life!

Justin Bieber Flips The Bird And Selena Gomez Gets A Punch In The Face

March 3rd, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Unless you’re a wailing Belieber, you can’t help but notice the thinly-veiled, simmering, brattish tension that is building up behind the eyes of Justin Bieber currently. At the tender age of 6 years old, he’s already jaded and wanting to lash out.

When faced with people interviewing him, gone is the Apple Pie, shucks-I’m-just-a-cutesy-kid routine, replaced with someone bored and disinterested with the world. Of course, this bodes well for a future breakdown which he’ll conduct in public.

And now, that quiet, seething rage is beginning to rear up like a grumpy mouse stood on its hind legs, angrily shaking a fist on your doorstep. This turbulent grrrrr transpired as a elongated finger aimed at the paparazzi. Next stop, spitting at them a la Avril Lavigne.