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You know Alec Baldwin right? No. That’s Stephen Baldwin who appeared on Celebrity Big Brother, punching Jesus down people’s throats and generally being a sinisterly odd article. No. Alec is the funny one. The nice one. The one who gets thrown off planes for playing word games.
What?
That’s right! Alec Baldwin’s addiction to a wordy smartphone game got him in trouble on an American Airlines plane. He just really wanted to play the word ‘UNITED’ apparently.
At hecklerspray, we like to take real celebrity news and mangle it until it barely resembles the original source material and then watch on and laugh as people take our word as gospel. Sometimes though, there are so many possible corruptions of a story that we’re forced to decide on just one. The others that are rejected instantly go into a state of depressive rage and begin to tear away at the backs of our minds until we eventually self-harm.
In an effort to stop that happening, this story contains 3 mini stories. Think of it as your favourite sitcom doing a clip show because they’ve run out of ideas or, if you will, the last two seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S. This is slightly different of course, we have too many ideas.
We look to our pop stars for bad behaviour because… well… in some cases, it’s all they have. We certainly don’t want to listen to all that stupid music they release. Music costs money and investment of time. Hearing that famous people have been dicks is free.
Especially badly behaved are rappers. God we love rappers. They have guns and drugs in their big cars. Some of them even get shot dead like Tupac.
However, stupid Dizzee Rascal is rather well-behaved. So well behaved that, when he was thrown off a British Airways flight, the passengers stuck up for him.
Hard as it may be to believe or even accept, authorities in Switzerland have confirmed that everyone’s favourite ‘death waiting to happen’, Pete Doherty, has been fined for a being a big drug-using drug user.
The troubled poet – nay, genius – was found slumped on the toilet on a British Airways flight into Geneva on Friday, possibly as a result of his ferocious intellect finally managing to overwhelm him.
Either that or he was offering handjobs for crack money and got a bit tired from all the wrist action, so decided to settle down for a little nap.
