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The Famous Ones From Glee Are Leaving, Which Means You’ll Stop Watching It

July 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Massive news. Seriously. Forget all that News Corp guff. This is the biggie. Honest it is. We’re literally coming down with a dose of The News. Basically, Bigger Than The Beatles, Glee, is going to lose its two biggest stars.

Stars that just happened to be shaped exactly like Lea Michele and Cory Monteith. And someone called Chris Colfer.

This trio are going to make a hasty exit at the end of season three, presumably getting off before people grow tired of the show and stop watching it. Which you will. Despite what you say, you’ll soon give up on it and say “it’s not as good as it used to be”, despite the format remaining exactly the same forever and ever, amen.

Glee’s Cory Monteith Used To Be An Interesting Drug-Taker

June 24th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

The collective stars of Glee are so clean-cut and boring that they’re almost Teflon for interest. Seriously. The only thing of note about them is when they take their tops off or cover a song which irritates pooh-poohing rock fans (the latter is always particularly funny as musos deserve everything they get).

However, this hasn’t always been the case. You see, All-American Biegeheart, Cory Monteith, used to be much more interesting.

You see, he had a drug problem in his past! In fact, so bad was his druggery that his pals thought it might kill him! So was he a ravaged heroin addict, robbing bodegas at gun-point and selling off his parent’s belongings to fund his dastardly habit?

Glee: Vanishing From Your Television Soon And Off To Die In A Corner

May 18th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Hey! Adults! Like watching children’s programmes filled with hideous, soul-sapping, nine million part harmonies, systematically destroying all those pop songs you love? Then, chances are, you like watching Glee and consider yourself to be a member of the corporate-designed clan of The Gleek.

Well, for people like us who like laughing at people like you, we’ve got some wonderful news! Glee is no longer going to be on your television.

That’s right, Glee won’t be shown on E4 after parent company Channel 4 decided to walk away from negotiations for the forthcoming series, leaving the show to Do A Richard & Judy. That basically means that it’ll slope off toward the blank chequebook of Sky, watched on television by a scant handful of people, leaving those who can really be bothered to stream it illegally online. Essentially, the show is about to die, which is brilliant news.

No Hook-Ups On Glee Confirm Wheezingly Boring Stars Of The Show

May 10th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Take one look at the folks who star in Glee, and you just know that they’re the most criminally dull, healthy living, good Christian Americans that could bore a factory filled with glass eyes into a Rip Van Winkle coma, forever.

That said, behind the dozy eyes of Apple Pie celebrities, you imagine that they get up to the most debauched, sordid filth imaginable, right? Look at the alumni of Disney. They’re the dirtiest pigs on Earth.

However, Lea Michele and Matthew Morrison have gone and delivered the backstage gossip on the Glee cast and it is woefully dull.

Glee: The Movie Announced To Completely Ruin Your Day

May 5th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

What do you want most in life? Your two front teeth? Get lost. We’re not dentists. You’ll get what you’re given and show fake gratitude. And your present is the grisly prospect of Glee: The Movie. That’s right. A hundred shrill voices in unison, pumping out of a cinema PA at skin searing volume.

What more could you ask for in life, other than a no frills package holiday to Dignitas?

So what will this Glee movie entail? Will it be exactly like the series, only longer, more expensive looking and featuring more cameos? Or do the Glee kids indulge in a bit of Spring Break boozing and lesbianism in the name of getting some cheap beads while the lads chest bump and fall to the floor, shirtless in a Women In Love embrace?

Fleetwood Mac Spread Their Cokey Rumours All Over Glee

May 4th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Fleetwood Mac are more soap opera than band. They’ve taken so much cocaine that even listening to one of their LPs will erode your septum, leaving you looking like Michael Jackson in a sauna.

It is because of this that they still transfix us all. They’ve made some cool tunes, all had ill-advised sex with each other and generally disappeared up their own anuses for us all to titter at.

And now, they’ve made a little history (not seismic history you understand, rather, a slither of TV trivia) by becoming the first group to have an episode entirely devoted to one of their albums. Of course, no-one is stupid enough to devote a whole show to Tusk or Tango In The Night. We’re talking about Rumours, obviously.

American Idol: Back To Obscurity With You, Didi Benami

August 5th, 2012 By Stuart Heritage

American Idol had it all last night – singing, haplessly choreographed squabbling between Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell.

And an elimination. And last night Didi Benami‘s journey came to an end. Actually, no, that sounds a bit dramatic. Didi Benami’s journey hasn’t come to an end at all – she’s just been eliminated from American Idol. She’s still got to look forward to the parts of her journey where nobody recognises her and they visibly glaze over when she launches into another one of her dreary American Idol anecdotes and she spends the rest of her life depressed and alone and singing to her obviously disinterested cats.

In other American Idol news, Tim Urban hasn’t been eliminated yet. From this we can draw the conclusion that all Americans are genuine idiots.