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Taylor Momsen ‘Quits’ Acting (Casting Couches Breathe Huge Sigh Of Relief)

August 17th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Big news folks! Big, big news! Despite nobody wanting to hire her for acting jobs, Taylor Momsen has decided to announce to the three people who showed any interest that she’s going to quit being a thespian.

That’s like Simon Cowell announcing that he’s quitting dressing up as a dog on children’s television.

So obviously, Momsen (sounds like the Swedish equivalent of Mumsnet) is going to focus on her underwhelming music career, complete with all it’s forced shock tactics, like flashing her boobs and getting young women to strip for her during shows.

Taylor Momsen Gets Young Women To Strip Onstage And Get Us All Put On A Special List

July 11th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Taylor Momsen likes to shock people. She burned her dog’s nuts and flashed her barely legal boobies at everyone and generally likes to pass herself off as the more reckless, firmer Iggy Pop. Alas, her tunes are awful and it reeks of the worst type of attention seeking (as opposed to the fun kind where everyone feels like they’re in on the joke).

So what is she up to now?

Well, in a bid to make us all feel like vile perverts, she’s got a bunch of girls to strip their clothes off on-stage, and sadly, we’ve got the video too… which will probably get us all arrested for peddling underage filth. You should burn your hardrive after watching it… which you will… because you’re disgusting.

Taylor Momsen Engages In Lewd Lesbian Acts At Barcelona Gig

July 8th, 2011 By Kris Silver

You know that Taylor Momsen, that teenage girl who acts seems to spend most of her life acting like a bit of a slag, wearing too much eye makeup and singing in that band that you still haven't heard of? Well she's been up to her old tricks again.

The Pretty Reckless singer, who used to be some sort of television star had previously gotten her underage baps out at a gig, gave a rather steamy lapdance to a female fan at a gig in Barcelona and even allowed another fan to give her chesticles a good ol? fashioned grope.

ROCK N? ROLL!

Taylor Momsen Is Serious About Music, But Alas, Not So Much About Putting Clothes On

April 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Taylor Momsen, is like, totally serious about her music and wants us all to know that, despite distracting us from said music by constantly getting her lady baps out, this really isn’t a “vanity” project.

Of course, you’ll definitely know Momsen from her role as Jenny Humphrey in Gossip Girl. However, she’s been effectively thrown off the show for being unbearable and so brattish that she makes Veruca Salt look as quiet as a sleeping nun.

These days, she’s all about her rock band The Pretty Reckless who have released an album and everything! You won’t know that it was called Light Me Up because you were too busy looking at Taylor’s momsens. You’re not even reading this are you? You’re looking at her busters right now. Sicko.

Taylor Momsen Too Busy Applying Eyeshadow To Remain Madonna’s Material Girl

January 26th, 2011 By Amy Grindhouse

Taylor Momsen is no longer the face and eyeshadow of Madonna and her daughter Lourdes Leon’s Material Girl fashion line.

For some reason, fashion lines associated with Madonna don’t sell themselves. While we work out why not, and why her 14-year-old daughter wasn’t the first spokesmodel for her own teenage fashion line, we’ll just let you know Taylor’s got one less way in which to ruin your sofa cushions.

Taylor, of Gossip Girl fame, spent the end of last year representing Material Girl. Which, to be blunt, seemed to mean little more than she would make less than half-a-dozen appearances and pose for the promotional poster. That’s better than the paper round we shared at hecklerspray bedsit, which paid for our milk and cookies, when we were 17-years-old.

Taylor Momsen Decides That Her Idiocy Isn’t Her Parents Fault

January 14th, 2011 By Mof Gimmers

Taylor Momsen is a wild child. Not because she’s troubled or has a fixation with self-destruction. Rather, she’s simply decided that it would be a cool thing to do. She’s in a rock band and, as such, needs to play out the character of suicide blonde on a death-trip, when really, she’s probably just a bratty thing in expensive underpants.

And she may well be realising that she doesn’t have to believe her own bullshit. After spouting off about how her parents ruined her life, she’s now backtracking and chunnering on about how great they are.

You have to assume they’re not because they nurtured Taylor Momsen, professional dipstick.

Has Taylor Momsen Been Fired From Gossip Girl?

November 23rd, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

When Taylor Momsen is not flashing her baps at her own mother or singing in a rock band, she’s an actress in Gossip Girl. However, it looks like she might not be in the hit American show for much longer.

She’s pretty busy without the show, fronting Pretty Reckless and being the face of Madonna’s Material Girl fashion line and John Galliano’s latest perfume campaign, but maybe that’s because she’s anticipating a lot of free time after being put on hiatus from her Gossip Girl gig (where she plays Jenny Humphrey).

Reports are circulating that Momsen will be on an indefinite hiatus after next Monday’s episode. You might not even notice as she’s only appeared in three episodes this season.

Taylor Momsen’s Mother Was Witness To The Chest Flashing

October 27th, 2010 By Amy Grindhouse

Taylor Momsen’s mother doesn’t really seem to give a damn. We’re assuming and reading a lot into the motives of some one who would allow their 17-year-old to expose their chest as part of a stage act, every night. But we do think it’s a fair assessment. Though we were raised by hecklerspray wolves who gave us a stern talking to if we ever tried to leave the house dressed inappropriately. So we’re like children of the 1950s when it comes to inappropriate acting out.

Our judging Taylor’s mother, because wild animals did a better job with us, is neither here nor there. But, if you’ll indulge us a little further there’s something you may like to know about the exact level of smuttiness on display when Taylor flashed a crowd, last Thursday.

As an amendment to our previous slut rating of ‘faux shock tactic’, we’d like to point out that this child’s mother was in the audience.

Taylor Momsen Flashes Her Boobs In The Hope We Write About It

October 25th, 2010 By Mof Gimmers

If you’ve seen Gossip Girl, then you’ve seen Taylor Momsen. That’s because Taylor Momsen is in Gossip Girl. Simple really. Anyway, brace yourself because you’re about to look at her breasts as well.

17 year old breasts you stinkin’ perverts.

That’s right, in the hope that everyone will write about her (which we are because we’re pathetic), Momsen got ’em out during a gig in New York when she was performing with her group Pretty Reckless.