Grown Up Gossip & Internet Villainy
Michael Fassbender may be one of the hottest actors on the scene right now,but he isn't letting that deter?him?from keeping his indie cred firmly established.
Once again teaming up with British director Steve McQueen (no known relation to the American film legend of the same name, though of course, you never know), for 12 Years a Slave, slated for a December 2013 release, the two are at it again in their bid to be called ?The Independent Film World?s Answer to Scorsese and Dicaprio.?
Want to see Sacha Baron Cohen, Russell Crowe, Anne Hathaway, Helena Bonham Carter and Hugh Jackman sing live? I know I do. Les Miserables’ producers and director have taken the ballsy decision to get some of Hollywood’s biggest A-listers to perform without a safety net: there won’t be any autotuning after the event here.
It’s the first ever time that singing has been performed live without any post-production dubbing in a musical, and as you can see from the video below, the likes of Anne Hathaway were a little nervous at first.
A lot of charity time and effort, as well as money, is misguided. People – forget about your telethons for Haiti and the victims of famine and drought in Africa. There’s a much more pressing need for your dimes, dollars and cents – and celebrities’ time. It’s the plight of the failed former child star.
Once feted by their peers in Tinseltown, these bright young things are chewed up and spit out, never to return again to the limelight. They’re malnourished, but with fame, not food. They need your help more than pot-bellied African orphans or war dead ever do. Think of them when you’re considering donating to a charity, because God knows they need it.
AHHHH ZOMBIES!! is my reaction to many horror films, but particularly “Resident Evil: Retribution”, which is the fifth movie based on the video game franchise (that’s more than the truly terrible “Final Fantasy” movies, natch). The reason I’m yelping in horror isn’t because they’ve managed to scare me with good cinematography: it’s because this franchise should’ve died a long time ago.
But like the living undead that populate it and the game it is based on, it simply won’t. The movie studios keep turning out the schlock. Last weekend at least, we proved that just as willingly as zombies will eat brains, humans will eat shit, because Resident Evil was the number one movie at the US box office last weekend, earning $21.1 million.
Keira ‘The Chin’ Knightley has become known for a specific type of acting (namely, not-acting). That’s kind of unfair. The woman does act – and actually acts quite well at times, despite what her fiercest critics say – but she doees tend to rely on a certain number of shortcuts.
You know the ones I mean. Almost all actors do it. George Clooney does this thing with his eyebrows, but because it’s not quite as noticeable, people don’t pick up on it.
Remember Taken, the movie about the kidnapping of Liam Neeson’s daughter and him struggling to get her back? That was a good movie. Evidently, other people agreed, because somehow they’ve decided to produce a sequel. Taken 2 (or, as I like to call it, ‘Taken Again – Oh Shit How Could I Allow This To Happen Twice To My Family?!?!?!’) will be out shortly in cinemas.
Now, I liked Taken, and in all honesty the Taken 2 trailer looks pretty sweet. So this isn’t going to be one of those posts which sarcastically slags off a Hollywood star. In fact, it’s a celebration of the awesomeness of Liam Neeson. Because he’s one of those actors who you’ve seen in about a million things but don’t realise.
Despite the rumours that persist about Ashley Cole, he went and got married to Cheryl from Girls Aloud (despite the rumours that persist about her too). All was going swimmingly until Ashley started fooling around.
Overnight, the heartache meant that Cheryl Cole because the people’s princess. We forgot all about that toilet attendant business. Ashley Cole was public enemy number one!
And so, after a quiet spell, Chezza is back with a new song called Screw You and, well, while there’s no official word on it, it does sound a lot like a barbed attack on a certain ex husband. And the lyrics are rather fruity too!
Have you seen Total Recall? Stupid isn’t it? The only good bits are the woman with 3 boobs, the robot taxi driver, Arnie’s woman disguise, the funny Krang-esque stomach face and Arnie pulling that massive thing out of his nose.
Hang on. Total Recall is clearly brilliant.
Going from apathetic to furious, the film is being remade and the trailer for the trailer has been unleashed online. The full thing is coming on Sunday, but it’ll be awful. It’s got Colin Farrell in it for a kick off.
The bloke who used to be the drummer in The Libertines (no-one cares what his name is) is hoping that a new Libertines film called There Are No Innocent Bystanders will allow people see the band in a different light.
Of course, any right minded person will find out when the screenings are for this film and do us all a massive favour and burn down the screens and everyone in there, who have decided to watch this document of the world’s biggest?syphilitic nincompoops.
If there’s one thing worse than Pete Doherty & Co, its the awful, awful, awful fans.
When Brad Pitt ran off with Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Aniston cried and cried and cried. Every time we heard about her, she was weeping, jealous, lonely, worried and generally pathetic in a vest top (no bra, natch).
Now, it would seem that the baton of wallow has been passed to Aniston’s good chum, Courteney Cox who still has far too many E’s in her name.
Y’see,?Jen’s friendship with Courteney Cox has reportedly becoming ”strained” since she started dating Justin Theroux. The bitch! How dare she have the temerity to have a happy relationship while Courteney Cox is grieving her husband having it off with another woman? Wait. Is this payback?
