Okay, okay... so that isn't quite accurate.

The 80th Annual Academy Awards was in fact watched by 32 million Americans. Now, anyone who works in the rating business will tell you that 32 million people are not to be sniffed at. Hell, that's almost as many people as tuned in that time hecklerspray appeared on Blind Date (you know, the episode in which we took that midget to Legoland and snared her growth-deficient heart).

32 million viewers for the Oscars, though? That's nothing. That's pathetic. That's so darn depressing that Old Mr Statue is crying golden tears and getting ready to wrap a noose made of film reel around his neck. All with a soundtrack by John Williams, of course.