You. You’re a massive wimp. Why? Because we’re all wimps when compared to the most immense man the world has ever seen! We are, of course, talking about walking deity, Vladimir Putin!
There’s nothing that ol’ Pute can’t do. Seriously. If there was a sex-tape leaked starring him, it would be so impressive that our collective genitals would crawl up into our bodies in shame.
This week, Rad Vlad decided to go diving. Pretty simple in terms of pleasures, right? However, this is Super Putin! On his first go, he just so happens to come back with some ancient treasures, just like that! Should we be surprised? Like hell. We’ve got loads of videos to show that he’s the greatest human who ever walked this disgrace of a planet.
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Although we’re legally obliged to say that Dave Grohl is the nicest man in rock, and that his band of Foo Fighting brothers make up the nicest band in rock ‘n’ roll, there’s a very strong chance we’d say it regardless.
That’s because they are irritatingly pleasant blokes.
Between them, they clearly enjoy being in a rock band (which is refreshing in itself) and throw people out of their shows for being idiots and make spoof confessionals slagging off the Scissors Sisters (in a very fun way, naturally)… and now they’re giving a film away for free. That’s what nice people do. Not like us. We’d charge you for this rubbish if we could. Anyway, you can watch this film over the jump.
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Once upon a time in the late 1980s a band called Nirvana was formed. Establishing themselves as part of the moody grunge scene in Seattle, they brought like minded depressives together to sing about the fishes not having any feelings, babies smelling like butter and deodorant.
But as fame, fortune and Courtney Love became too much for front man Kurt Cobain, he ended it all by blasting off his own face with a shotgun. Shame. Such a pretty face.
Dave Grohl was subsequently released from his background role as drummer and subsequently formed new band The Foo Fighters. Known in the industry as being a gentlemen of rock, always respectful, he lived up to his reputation following a recent gig at London’s Roundhouse as part of the iTunes festival.
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LET’S GET READY TO RHUMBLE! Supposedly hilarious Geordie duo Ant and Dec have put their fists where their mouths are and challenged the entire world to a fight.
After Ant (PJ) was attacked in a pub earlier this week for allegedly insulting the presenters of OK! TV for being “lobotomised scum-weasels”, Declan Donnelly (Duncan) has come out in support of his embattled friend with unusual vigour.
The BAFTA-winning ‘cheeky’ pair who are renowned for peddling inane, mawkish drivel to ITV’s dribbling weekend audience have seen their fair share of adversity since being plucked from the ganglands of Byker Grove in the early 1990s and have been implicated in multiple incidences of arms dealing and drug smuggling as well as extortion of charities.
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Is there anything more delightful of an evening than a beer and some unwarranted violence? Of course not, it’s what makes us British. Tea, banging on nostalgically about the blitz and fighting in pubs, are as quintessentially British as having Prince Charles play national anthem on a kazoo while you shave a Union Jack into your pubic hair. Rule Britannia!
Something else quintessentially British is Ant and Dec. No other country in the world would embrace a couple of midgets from the third world (Newcastle) whose main talent seem to be that you can never figure out which is which.
Although, we’re going to have to figure it out now.
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Our hero Prince Harry is to return home! The move follows the collapse of the news blackout deal that had been silently agreed between the MoD and newspapers and broadcasters in the UK and abroad.
Was it a British news source that broke the deal? No, sir, of course not – how dare you ask? – it was a foreign one. And which foreigners do we blame? That’s right: Australia; Those bloody foreigners. It was apparently leaked there in January, fortunately though, what with it being in Australia, nobody noticed, and it wasn’t until influential US website The Drudge Report got hold of the story that Harry was asked home. So we’ve been let down by two countries that we basically created.
But still, Harry’s home – Yay!
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